Can some one edit my get into nursing school essay? Less than a page long!

[SamiSN]

It's 3 paragraphs long, 400 words... Just need someone to look it over for me :)

[GimiRN]

Okay, so scrap that. I was mainly trying to help reword the part everyone says is creepy. Maybe you'll get some other ideas from posters soon.

[SamiSN]

Haha yes thanks! I really wasn't trying to sound creepy!

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Sami,

"Headstrong" is sometimes interpreted as "stubborn". Just scrap the word entirely. "Assertive" is much more professional.

[green217]

".....my grand mother who developed pick’s disease and suffered a strong battle with dementia. being able to assist her with everyday things was extraordinarily difficult, but looking back on it, it was a highly rewarding task."

hi sami, i agree with the re-arranging the paragraphs. secondly, you mentioned about your grandmother as one of the inspiration for wanting to be a nurse. you said taking care of her was a "highly rewarding task." i think you should elaborate more on that to add warmth and authenticity to your story. what was rewarding about the task? what was the "light bulb moment" that convinced you to pursue nursing?

also, you mentioned about curiosity with the human body. medical doctors have fascination of anatomy and physiology, so do many nurses. im still left with the question: why nursing rather than medical school?

[SamiSN]

i like assertive! thats better!

and Green217, thanks for the feedback, ill have to ponder the light bulb moment... and to be honest, I would love to go through medical school, but i need something to pay my way through it

[SamiSN]

Lucky0220 thank you for proofreading and catching my errors! I appreciate the positive feedback and the constructive critiscm

[Lucky0220]

Lucky0220 thank you for proofreading and catching my errors! I appreciate the positive feedback and the constructive critiscm

You're very welcome!