Can we feed the Family?

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I work in LTC - and have a resident whose wife comes in right after breakfast and stays with her husband until after supper. She wanted to keep him at home but was not able to do his occasional episodes of confusion, but while she is there she prefers to care for him herself and asks for help very rarely - she lets me know when she feels he need pain medication or his blood sugars are low. In my facility we are given a half hour for lunch and offered the same menu as thr residents for "free" - even though we lose that half hour of work time. My GNA's and myself had been skipping lunch, making out a request for a tray and giving it to this lady, because she is there and we do not feel that she should have to pay for it when we want to give it to her so she does not have to pay 3 dollars for a guest tray, which is also the same foods the residents have for that meal. Today my adminstrator tells me that I am not allowed to do this anymore, that she will have to pay for her meals. I can tell from observation that these folks do not have lots of money to spend, and my feeling is that if she is there caring for her husband, the least we can do is feed her lunch. I am a little peeved at this - and not sure why if I get a lunch and I dont want it why it is not right for her to have it instead of my tossing it in the garbage - which is what I did with it today. How do other facilities handle this situation, and do you think I am wrong for giving this lady something to eat?

Specializes in LTC.

well this kind hearted lady today didnt have a lunch - and didnt make a qualm about it except to say " i am sorry i got you all in trouble" - and she still stayed with her husband all day and treated us with no less respect than before - i agree this is a sticky situation - but if volunteers in my facility get a free lunch i think she should too - today i ordered my lunch which happened to be something that i didnt like - and tossed it the trash - so did anyone save anything here? - i dont think so

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Cardiac, ICU.
well this kind hearted lady today didnt have a lunch - and didnt make a qualm about it except to say " i am sorry i got you all in trouble" - and she still stayed with her husband all day and treated us with no less respect than before - i agree this is a sticky situation - but if volunteers in my facility get a free lunch i think she should too - today i ordered my lunch which happened to be something that i didnt like - and tossed it the trash - so did anyone save anything here? - i dont think so

I totally agree with you.

I wonder if these people who are worried about the facilities bottom line and saving money are so supportive of that goal when they work short staffed day after day and night after night.

I don't see why any place should EVER have to work short. There is a huge business out there called AGENCY NURSING and I know for a fact that there are plenty of nurses out there willing to come in a the drop of a hat.

Anyway, there has to be a line where we realize we ARE taking care of human beings and it can't all be about money all the time.

I have to ask, how did administration find out anyway? I would have just advised the woman that I was doing this as a favor to her and she shouldn't expect the other nurses to do it for her as well.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a person that goes around breaking rules, but there WAS no rule on giving your lunch to a hungry patient's family member and she is doing work that the nursing staff could be doing, thereby saving them time.

I still think this is way too nit picky.

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That stinks.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
i'm not wild about the expectation that seems to be growing that the employees should provide lunch for this lady. what might be 50 cents per employee per day for one visitor may turn into $1.50 per employee per day because now someone has decided that there are two other visitors who "deserve" to be fed. and some folks just don't have enough slack in their budgets to feed visitors. nor should they be expected to. the minute you set up the expectation that the employees will give up their lunches every day to feed a visitor, the visitor comes to expect it, and if you happen to be the one nurse who needs to eat the lunch the facility provides for whatever reason, or can't afford to chip in for the visitor's lunch, you immediately become the "bad" nurse. i don't think that's fair.

if administration doesn't want the visitor being fed, perhaps she could bring a sack lunch from home, or pay to eat in the cafeteria, or something.

agree w/ruby -- while this was a kind thing to do, it does set up an undesirable precedent.

while the nurse's perception that the patient & his wife "don't have a lot of money" may very well be accurate, there is no indication that the patient's wife is unable to provide lunch for herself, financially or otherwise. call me heartless, but the fact that she showed up (again) without a lunch demonstrates to me that she has come to expect it. i'm not saying she's greedy or anything else negative about her -- just pointing out how the precedent was set.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I agree with Ruby in principle, as well.

But I think YOU have a heart of gold and I admire that.

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Cardiac, ICU.
Agree w/Ruby -- while this was a kind thing to do, it does set up an undesirable precedent.

While the nurse's perception that the patient & his wife "don't have a lot of money" may very well be accurate, there is no indication that the patient's wife is unable to provide lunch for herself, financially or otherwise. Call me heartless, but the fact that she showed up (again) without a lunch demonstrates to me that she has come to expect it. I'm not saying she's greedy or anything else negative about her -- just pointing out how the precedent was set.

This still doesn't explain why it matters if an employee gives their lunch to someone else.

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Specializes in ER, Occupational Health, Cardiology.

I think you are a very compassionate person, and if it is food that you are entitled to, you should be able to eat it yourself, or give it to anyone of your choice. This would definitely include your pt's wife, who obviously hasn't "discarded" her husband into the LTC system!

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This still doesn't explain why it matters if an employee gives their lunch to someone else.

Well, I'm going to waffle on my earlier statement, and agree with you.

It's easy for me at my point in life to say - just buy her meal, which is what I might have done. I'm older, don't have a lot of bills to pay or family to support.

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Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.
the minute you set up the expectation that the employees will give up their lunches every day to feed a visitor, the visitor comes to expect it, and if you happen to be the one nurse who needs to eat the lunch the facility provides for whatever reason, or can't afford to chip in for the visitor's lunch, you immediately become the "bad" nurse.

this still doesn't explain why it matters if an employee gives their lunch to someone else.

i think ruby explained it well.

the unfortunate truth is that the patient's wife came to expect it ... i.e., she showed up at the facility without a lunch. over the long term, i believe this would be noticed by other patients and families as well, and there is a perfect set up for resentment and/or expectations that cannot be met.

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While I agree the OP is very compassionate, this could lead to a real sticky wicket down the road. This sweet lady could just be saying how wonderful you all are to her, and without realizing "spill the beans" about lunch. Then it will be a public relations nightmare. Some people are demanding, jealous and do cause problems just because they can.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

I'm just the kind of petty person who would go ahead and order a lunch anyway, even if I'm going to dump the whole thing in the garbage, just so no fat cat gets fatter by refusing to feed this woman. The administrator should be thanking her; she already is beefing up the bottom line by extending the staff available to work elsewhere since she does so much of the work involved in caring for her husband! Refusing her a meal is just plain out mean.

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I use to work at a public school.... (just to show how jaded our society is) there was one kid in particular who's parents were VERY VERY poor and Very VERY proud, would not allow the child to be put on free meals program. The kid would bring lunches of pretty much nothing.. sometimes just a piece of cheap lunch meat.. no bread. A few times he brought instant potato flakes and added water from the fountain. Other times he would have something to eat that was sufficiently nutritious .. just depended on the money flow for the poor parents that particular week....

ANYWAYS, a bunch of the staff got together and put money in a fund for him to have a hot meal on the days that the parents could not afford anything...... WELL the school district did not like that very much, we were all reprimanded and threatened to be suspended. Something about showing favoritism and this kid was not the only kid out there that was hungry. Although its a very small school only a handful of students compared to other schools, and all the other children were either feed, or on the lunch program.

Just to show that if our schools are not compassionate about hunger why would some corporate fat cat be???

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