Can Addiction be "Cured"

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in Acute/ICU/LTC/Advocate/Hospice/HH/.

So, I am a recovering addict. I like to think of my addiction as "acute" "in remission" or dare I say it "cured".

I never tried a drug until I became a nurse. I didn't take them simply because they were accessible. I took them initially after a surgery for pain and then I took them because my body craved them so intensely that I would stoop to any level to get them.

I made my decision making "drug focused". Every action I took could be related to finding the drug, getting the drug and using the drug. I worked in the ICU and used 10 mg Morphine vials multiple times for post-op patients.

When a patient comes out of surgery it is really fast paced. The process of signing out and then wasting each unused drug took precious time away from patients. Why waste 8 mg's of MS when you will probably be giving an additional 2 mg's Q 10 mins for the 1st hour post-op anyway. So, you would give 2 mg's and put the vial in your pocket and pull it out each time you needed it until the patient was comfortable. Then you would chart the doses and waste what was left with another nurse.

One morning when I got home from work, I had forgotten to check my pockets. There it was. 6 mg's of MS. So, I set it aside and planned on taking it back on my next shift. But I had to put it someplace safe so no one would see it. What would they think.

It happened over and over again, intentionally, maybe, maybe not. Never used it, just put it in the drawer. I think I was afraid to use it cause what if I had a reaction? Or took too much and my kids found me on the floor unconscious?

One day, I put it in my hip. I felt like I was energized. I got so much done at home that day. After about a month of IM Demerol and Morphine, I had a patient on dilauded.

Took the excess drug home........along with an insulin syringe. I must have tried for 30 minutes to find a vein. I can find them blind-folded on my patients, but it is more difficult when your doing it upside down. After another month, I was shooting MS and demerol 4 or 5 times a day. But I did not believe I was an addict.

It all started with the Lortab after my tonsillectomy. I felt efficient, loving, attentive, smarter and focused when I took opiates. I didn't have to use every day. I was PRN so I would go a week without working and without using. I went on vacation for 2 weeks and didn't have any problems.

When I came back I worked 1 shift, took some dilauded and used it when I got off. I was called in the next day, I thought to work a shift, and was confronted by the DON, HR and several Admin nurses. I denied diverting but said I had partied while on vacation and would probably test + on the UDS.

Ignorant as I was, I gave them the urine and went home totally freaked out. I knew it would be positive and could not begin to imagine what would happen next. Looking back, I should have just quit and dealt with "suspicions" of diversion instead of giving them a dirty drug screen. But I didn't know I had a choice.

I broke down and told my husband that I was suspected, tested and probably terminated for using. But I didn't tell him what I used or that I was diverting. Told him it was Lortab, but I didn't have a current RX for it. So, when I was terminated and reported to TPAPN, I had to finally tell him what really happened. He reamed me up and down. Not supportive, did not recognize a "problem", just called me a junkie and was more concerned that I had potentially screwed my career. Our marriage is fine, believe it or not, and we only bring it up when we are really angry.

I have been sober since June 2 2006, the day after I got caught. Been through treatment, meetings and so on. I am working in LTC and have access to Lortab, MS tablets and Roxinal. Do I have cravings or feel compelled to take them? Nope. Did I learn my lesson? Yep.

But if you ask the professionals if I am "cured" they say there is "no cure". Once an addict, always an addict. But why? If I never did drugs until they were prescribed and have quit without issue and have proven my ability to be around the same drugs that I was addicted to?

Simply because I am the child of an alcoholic, the sister of an addict and the daughter of an undiagnosed and untreated mother with depression and bi-polar. Since I was molested as a child and my father died when I was 16. Since I slept around during high school so I could avoid the abuse at home. Since I dated men twice my age looking for a father figure until, Thank GOD, I met my husband and became a responsible adult and a mother.

Do all of these characteristic combined with the exposure to and subsequent physical addiction to Lortab define me as an addict for the rest of my life. Does that mean AA and NA meetings forever? Does that mean I can't drink at parties and dinner with friends because I might relapse and start using?

Someone please explain this to me. All addicts deny the addiction at some point in recovery, but don't people recover from the physical addiction and are strong enough to make the right choices when confronted with similar situations? HELP!! Thanks

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

In my opinion, no addiction cannot be cured. In the future, can you please use paragraphs when typing long posts such as this one, it was hard to focus and read.

Specializes in School Nursing.

sounds like you need some aggressive counseling. i hope things will improve for you.

god bless you with all of this.

praiser :heartbeat

Specializes in ED, Flight.

I have almost no experience with addiction as a nurse, but I had always been interested in it while doing community work. I've been especially interested by the work of Dr. A. Twerski at Gateway Rehabilitation Center in Pennsylvania. And, of course, I see addicts of all sorts in the ED.

My limited understanding is NO, there is no clear cure for addictions. There may be exceptions, but an addiction indicates a predisposition in that individual for the disease. Addictions are managed, not cured. You need to be tough with yourself on that point; not deny or blur it. That's why at meetings (which I gather you've attended, and I have as a community worker) even people who haven't touched drugs or alcohol for years introduce themselves as 'recovering' - present tense. That's also why, occasionally, you meet someone who has been clean for years and stumbled and is in trouble and needs help and support to get back on their feet.

This is your life we're talking about. Do you really want to take risks like that? Are you maybe looking for a rationalization even now, with this question and post? You're too precious to take chances with like that.

Specializes in Acute/ICU/LTC/Advocate/Hospice/HH/.

This was exactly the response I expected. Especially from health care professionals. So, in everyone's opinion, I was a "dry drunk" for the first 36 years of my life. Then, after 36 yearstemptation the ugly beast of addiction reared it's ugly head. Once exposed to the truly awesome high that can only come with IV push dilaudid, the diagnosis of addiction was set in stone. The things I have survived, overcome, worked through and blocked out as a child and young adult would give cause to drink. I made choices over the last 13,140 days that allowed me to become a wife, mother and compassionate nurse..........they also opened my eyes to my potential for addiction. Example of choices that lead to a medical diagnosis.........

If I eat hot dogs and french fries every day with cokes and cookies, I will most likely be diagnosed with HTN, DM, morbid obesity and CAD, one of which will most certainly kill me. However, if I change my lifestyle and make healthier choices, I could potentially avoid one if not all of these diseases. I would not be able to prevent exposure to the items that would cause me to develop these diseases, so I would have to make the choice daily to not eat junk. The doctor would not diagnose me as a recovering diabetic, or treat me as a potential hypertensive? Addiction starts with a choice. I know there are chemical factors involved, but those arise only after the choice is made to use. If I suffer from depression, treat the depression, but if I suffer from familial history and potential for depression, what are you treating? If my ETOH use was minor at best and did not impact me or others negatively, was I still a dry drunk? Just want an unbiased opinion i guess. It all starts with a CHOICE. At least in my case it did. Feedback?

I really wish there was a simple cure for addiction.

So much pain and suffering would be eliminated.

first, congratulations to being clean and sober. now to answer your question

"addiction can not be cured!".

i am taking from experience and need to stress the importance of that statment. i have been clean and sober for 15 years and i still live by the principles i learned in na even though i don't participate in meetings anymore. part of denial is thinking we are cured when we have some clean time under our belt. you must keep your guard up at all times. it only takes one time and your off to the races again.

i always stay away from people, places and things that are related to drug use of any kind. i have a healthy fear of drugs and i know that given a weak moment i can pick up again. i love my life clean and sober and i don't want to risk it for anything. there is a saying that is my mantra " a bad day clean is better than a good day using". as a nurse i know that it may be impossible in some instances to stay away but i would strongly suggest to talk to your sponsor and support group. if you don't have a sponsor get one. i believe there is a recovery thread on allnurses, maybe you should read some of their post.

hopefully in 3 years i will be a nurse and i am a little concerned about being around narcotics, such as pain killers, even though they were not my drug of choice. not that i will use, but i don't like putting myself around any possibilities. just because i have 15 years clean, i don't take it for granted. if you think it's going to be a problem, maybe you can switch to an area of nursing where you will not have access to narcotics, if there is such a position.

good luck and keep up the good work:redbeathe

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

I believe that, given the right set of circumstances and stressors, that you are still vulnerable to slipping back into your old habit. It's the same for people who've lost weight, people who've quit smoking, alcohol, even relatively benign habits such as cracking your knuckles or violating the speed limit. Once a habit pattern has been established it's much easier to backslide given the right set of circumstances. I've found this to be the case.

Specializes in Acute/ICU/LTC/Advocate/Hospice/HH/.

I could really use some feedback from someone who is not allergic to ETOH. How did I go through all the struggles in my life like I did and never have the desire to drown my feelings in drugs or alcohol? Why did I become addicted to lortab after I had my tonsils out? It hurt alot, I needed pain relief. But I kept taking them after I quit hurting. That is the chemical addiction. Which lead me to experimenting with stronger drugs like morphine and demerol. The chemical addiction drove my inability to abstain, drove me to "see what it would feel like" with morphine IM. So, providing I don't expose my body to the chemicals that caused the addiction initially, then my mind can make the obvious and correct choice to abstain? Right? I just believe that preventing the chemical addiction will allow the mental desire to stay sober take over. Dumb?

I have been clean and sober since 1989 when I entered treatment at age 24; I was not a nurse at the time. I have no urge, no feeling of wanting to tempt myself in any way. I counsel women who are in early recovery. I also never ask myself the questions you are asking yourself because I would never tempt fate! I do not feel "loss" in my life because I can't use or drink like "normal" people. Always remember that alcohol is also a drug. I do not like the distinction between "alcoholics and drug addicts". Addiction is addiction.

"Do all of these characteristic combined with the exposure to and subsequent physical addiction to Lortab define me as an addict for the rest of my life"

This sentence in your post really stood out at me! There is a lot more to your story than just using Lortab. Your need for using caused you to divert and you were injecting patient drugs. This is incredible denial to me. There is a so much more to recovery than just going to meetings and complaining about our days. There needs to be an inner change in our being that only comes from taking a good look at what got us to shooting up patient drugs but thinking we only had a problem with Lortab.

I read through many of your other posts from different forums. The majority of your posts are along the same theme that you have written about today. I believe you are searching for an answer. Therapy is a place to start dealing with "how" you got to where you were when you using. Therapy will help you deal with the issues of family, childhood etc. Then only you can decide if you want to move forward in your sessions about changing the way you view addiction and how you set yourself apart from others in it's classification.

Addiction is only a symptom of an underlying deep manifestation of self-loathing. The root of this manifestation can only be released by daily commitment and desire to want to be healthy in mind, body, and soul. It is hard, hard work. I feel you are at the jumping off point. You have to crave the "want, need, and desire" to change the way you think. Or a person convinces themselves they can use and have no consequences. It can terribly frightning to take a good look at ourselves and admit to what got us to the place of desperation.

My hope for you is that you will take the right road. Talk "HONESTLY" with your therapist and quit playing mind games with yourself. All the ifs, ands, or buts-and the "am I one", how come I can'ts" will land you right back to where you were 2 years ago. It almost seems as if you are seeking someone to tell you it's okay to use.

"Our marriage is fine, believe it or not, and we only bring it up when we are really angry. "

Why does your addiction become apart of your arguments with your spouse? This is wrong from either one of you. I feel your husband obviously has many unresolved issues himself and needs to find a place for himself to work this out. Alanon is an awesome program designed for him! You can't move forward if the two of you are always looking in the past!

You are at a crossroad. You are seeking answers. Posting on a forum is a wonderful way to express yourself and get feedback. But it is time to take action.You can post until your fingers hurt! But only setting a plan of action will get you where you need to be. And where you need to be is working on yourself, digging deep into your soul, seeking answers and truths,finding solutions, and then learning how to apply this to your daily living plan. So in the future when you awake in the morning, you will be at peace; not at odds at why you can't drink or use like "normal" people.

Remember-Addiction is just a symptom. Relapse begins long before we actually pick up that first drink or drug.

I hope you seek out the help you so deserve, to be able to have the wonderful life you also deserve. God bless you.

Specializes in ED, Flight.

longhorn, you're absolutely right that choice is a key component. If for some reason you never ever chose to sample your addictive substance (narcs), then you might never know that you have such a predisposition. And, it is only your choice that will keep you clean - nothing else. Everything else is only to help with the success of following through on the choice. One of the moral minds I admire most, Rabbi E. Dessler, posits that choice is the point of confrontation and triumph in everything we do. Choice is the unique ability and power that God gave only to Man. So yes, I agree that it all begins and ends with choice.

None of the above negates that addicts have a predisposition. There are so many illnesses and also good things about which we say that. Why would addiction be different? The potential is there; exposure and choice brings it into actualization. You can CHOOSE to be a great musician; but without talent you're no Stevie Ray Vaughn. The same goes for certain illnesses. You can CHOOSE to be healthy - but genetics may have you tagged, God forbid, for some illness or another. Hard work but no talent will make you a better musician than not trying, and you may enjoy it; but you still won't be fought over by the record companies. Genetic predisposition may keep you on the edge, but maybe you'll keep diabetes at bay through a disciplined approach to diet and activity. But someone else, without that predisposition, won't have to try as hard.

I partied pretty hard at times in HS and college. Who knows why a small number of my friends ended up alcoholics or drug addicts, and the rest of us escaped it? Same circumstances, same substances. Some had a vulnerability that the others did not have. Again, the same is true with many other illnesses; so addiction aren't completely unique.

In the end, I don't care if the predisposition is psychological or chemical in any individual case; the risk is established and real.

Good luck! You've done great by staying clean this long. If you want to hang on to all the beautiful and worthwhile things you have (family, career, friends, etc.) you've got to keep remaking that right choice every moment. By doing so you'll be a blessing and a model for those around you.

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.

I agree with Shelly. I don't think you are being as honest with yourself as you claim to be. You should be seeing a therapist to dig down to the root of your addiction.

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