Bullying ?

[bubbles64]

Hi collegues,

I really would like some advice please.

My unit Manager is going out of her way to be nasty and bullying, I don't know what i should do, should i leave it and try my best to ignore her or should i tell the director of nursing that if she continues i will file a harrassment and bullying suit against her, baring in mind that the unit manager will retire in 8 weeks but may come back to do supervising roles.

Last evening she pulled me aside and told me that i did not get the role as unit manager because i'm not apart of the ward, i do not attend ward meetings and if i do attend i do not have any input.

This is all untrue, if anyone read the minutes of the ward meetings they would see my name is there as present at all meetings except when they are held on a monday as i work elsewhere, the last meeting i tiold her earlier in the day that i had to leave no later than 3.10 pm to pick my children up from school as my husband was away and i had no other way of getting them home. I usually have something to say at a meeting (eg: there were three issues that i wanted to discuss) and the time before that what i wanted to say was brought up by someone else.

She made me very upset and i could not stop crying, she just sat there looking at me and then got up and walked out put on her coat and left for the night.

So what should i do, i'm dreading facing her next week.

[ImMrBill3, RN]

First and foremost what is drilled into our heads in school and every day,

DOCUMENT

Make notes of dates, times and locations with direct quotes of what is said to you. Ask specific questions and note the answers.

Second, relax :tbsk: you won't have to deal with this individual as much in the future. Work more on developing supportive and collegial relationships with others. What you have said so far is no basis for any kind of action so far just makes for a sh***y time at work. Also when developing relationships work up the chain too. If the other management knows you and your involvement they will go with what they know directly. Work on developing a good relationship with the new unit mgr :pntrghi:(AVOID BADMOUTHING).

I am sorry you have to deal with this it really isn't very good for the profession or the patients. Take the experience with you and as you advance try to be and promote better. :tinkbll:

[Goingthere]

there's always going to be unhappy people at work who try to make you unhappy also. She's got 8 weeks, kill her with kindness, and follow the above posts instructions. At the end of the day, she doesn't sign your checks, nor tell you how to live. Please do not let this make you bitter, as you must remember that every fool has his day-so let her have hers. I know it's eaisly said than done, but I have a pain in the butt co-worker that used to make me upset after 3 minutes of interaction, then I decided to pray for her and myself, and it worked. Don't get me wrong, I'd like to tell her some things about herself when I leave, but my sanity and happiness is more important. So, deep breath, it's 8 weeks, just enough time to solidify kill em with kindness. And if it doesn't work, then pray, and if that doesn't work hide when you see her coming! LOL, good luck!

[nursej22, MSN, RN]

Yes, kill her with kindness. As soon as you see her, make some kind of pleasant, truthful remark about her in front of other people, "I appreciate how organized you are", " I know I can count on you as a resource". Don't wait in dread for her to cut you down, but take the high road and don't stoop to her level. I have met very few nurses who didn't have some positive qualities, but it can take a lot of digging to find them!

She can't hurt your feelings unless you allow her to. If she says something negative, you turn it around. "You are saying that I'm not a part of the ward? I attended staff meetings in Jan, February and March, when we discussed X, Y and Z. Remember?"

[cassrn28]

In a situation like you need to by pass the chain of commands and go to HR. Unless you absoutly feel comfortable talking to your director. That is something only you know. Check you hospital/place of employment policy reguarding harrassment to ensure you are following procedure.

Good luck, Stand up for what is right

[Straydandelion]

You applied for the unit manager position she is leaving and when denied that position as she mentioned one of the reasons (which hiring is usually multiple reasons and she definitely approached it wrong IMO), cried and she appeared unconcerned and left so you are considering filing a harrassment suit against her? Sorry, I am not quite understanding something I guess. I realize the way it was denied shows a lack of people skills and is NOT the sign of a good manager but am not quite understanding the "bullying" nor "harassment" issue unless more is involved. I would just work on developing a good relationship with the new unit manager and wish you luck in the future. As far as your confrontation with her at present...being professional never is a disadvantage.

[Midwest4me]

Could you be more specific as to the kinds of things that the Unit manager is doing that constitutes harrassment?

I wouldn't go to the director of nursing and make threats of filing a harassment suit becaus ethe DON may be buddies with the unit manager. I'd go to Human Resources.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

unless you have far more of a case than was stated here, you have no reason to file a complaint or even to go over her head. it sounds as if she lacks people skills. it's unfortunate, but not worth creating a ruckas over. you got upset and couldn't stop crying -- at work -- and wonder why you didn't get the unit manager position. perhaps you need to get a little more control over your emotions while at work. we all get upset, and many of us even cry at work. but if it happens frequently or predictably, that's something you really need to work on.

[boobooRN]

Ruby you could not have answered this post anymore effectively.

Also to bubbles, it always seems the times you are not present at the meetings that, you are missed the most. Toughen up, do your job, and remember the most important reason you are there. If you missed this opportunity, I am sure another will come along even more suited for you . Good luck .

[3boysmom3]

You have to think it through before you go to HR or the DON or anywhere above your manager's head. Once at a hospital where I used to work, I was in my nurse manager's office going over something with her. She got a call from the DON while I was in there- letting her know that nurse x had just left the DON's office with a complaint about the nurse manager. The DON told the nurse manager all about the complaint, and you could tell she had not taken the complaint seriously in the first place. The manager told her side of the story, which of course completely made her look flawless, and they both had a good laugh and a "never mind" over it. Of course the manager didn't tell the nurse that she had had this conversation with the DON, but you can bet it didn't help the already frustrated nurse's relationship with the manager. Sad.

Not to say you should never do it. It's justified sometimes, and actually in nurse x's case I think it was, but you would need to have every last detail and fact documented. Don't just go to "vent."

I don't think that your nurse manager's poor behavior is really enough to go to HR with either. Just don't consider her a role model!

[bubbles64]

Thanks,

I have to go to work this afternoon and i will be bright cheerful and professional she may have broken me last week but she won't do it anymore.

Bubbles64

[bubbles64]

Thanks,

Today i have to go to work and i will be courtious, kind, cheerful and professional she will not break me.