My first one was very rough. I was working as a CNA doing home care for HIV pts. I arrived at a patients house within minutes of his committing suicide by shotgun. I entered the house with my key and searched for the pt. There was a faint smell that reminded me of hamburger (sorry that's the closest I could come). I the last place left to look was the shower of the upstairs bathroom. He was there (what was left). I knew it was very recent by the odor and color of the blood and the lack of any clotting or drying. It was a traumatic sight, it looked like a v-neck sweater with nothing above the v, everything else was completely disintegrated. On top of it all there was no phone working in the house and I had to run to a payphone to call 911. The responding police officers stopped the other police officers from going in...
I also had a pt pass while working in a nursing home. Right at end of shift the LPN was doing med pass and I was doing last round. I was right behind her in this pts room. I was struck by the coldness of her skin.
My first witnessed death was just few weeks ago towards the end of my senior leadership experience in the ICU. It was one of two pts assigned to me at begining of shift, then my other pt was reassigned due to the increasing level of care needed for this pt. My preceptor was adjusting a drip to get her BP up and I was on the other side of the bed. I looked up at the monitor and watched her HR go from the 50s to the 40s. I told my preceptor she was bradying down, she looked up and said check her pulse, it was not palpable. I started compressions my preceptor called for the crash cart and we proceeded to run a full code, twice. The family was present and agreed to have us stop when the second resusucitation attempt was not acheiving results after 20 mins. We had gotten a pulse back and with all the drugs it took another 30-45 mins for her ECG to flatline. It was strange to me that even as I closed the bag I still considered her my patient.
