Bullying in nursing

[erwindt]

Hello to all my fellow nurses. When I was a nursing student, I was always warned of old (referring to age and experience) nurses eating their young. I experience this when I was in my first year in nursing, but I feel like the "eat your young" thing is way beyond to an old term "bullying". My background... I'm a 31 y/o male and been a registered nurse for 6 yrs. now (2 yrs in Telemetry and 4 yrs in ICU).

I decided to post this to hear from what you guys experience in the work place. The story goes... when I was working in telemetry, I kept getting pick-on and teased by my co-workers. I guess, I was the ONLY young and the ONLY guy in the unit. My co-workers in telemetry always love to talk about family, relationship, and what's annoying, their life in the bedroom. I'm a joker and am always known for bringing smile on everyone and to all my patients. I had 2 confrontations with 2 female colleagues during my first years of my nursing career. The first one was a miserable woman who always had an argument with everyone. I always stood up for what was right. One day, we were assigned on the same team. I already received my assignment and wanted mine. When I refused to give up my assignment, she reported me to the nursing supervisor. I was mad and I told her, "I don't know what's your problem. Why are you so miserable to everyone? Maybe you don't get enough attention from home." She flipped, rubbed her breast in front of me and my charge nurse and told me "honey with these big breast I have, I get them every single day." I was not even referring to whatever she was referring. That was one incident. Another incident was I was joking with my good friend about a fart joke and this other lady was ease dropping. She told everyone that I make fart jokes because my butt-hole maybe big and that I get it down there. I was mad for such assumption. Apparently, my hospital is small and ghetto that if I bring these problems to human resource, nothing would be done. I kept my skin tough and I left telemetry to go to ICU. I was hoping to have a peace of mind, but I'm getting to realize, no one is nice in nursing. Everyone eats each other.

I've been in the ICU for 4 yrs. now. My goal for going to ICU was to get my experience and go to CRNA school, but I don't know about that anymore. I took my CCRN last year and felt so motivated, but my gut is telling me to do something else. Anyway, let me get back to my story. When I went to ICU, I thought that was it. My dream job until I retire (LOL). I love ICU, but I don't like my co-workers anymore. In our ICU, I am the youngest and ONLY male nurse. People always ask if I have a girlfriend. They constantly try to match me up with someone. There's this one particular woman who always ask me when I will get married. I think relationship and marital questions are VERY personal. My answer to my co-workers were always... "why are you so concerned about my life when you're not even my mother?" (Too defensive, I'm just tired of it.) My 2nd year in ICU, people speculate whether I am gay or not. I decided to post this on allnurses because last month, 2 of my co-workers told me the most HURTFUL thing anyone can say. The flu was a big thing this year and apparently I caught it. I got sick for a while, and recently got over a nasal infection. One of my co-worker made a comment about my cold last month. She told me that I should get checked for AIDS because of my cold. Then 2 weeks ago, I asked another co-worker regarding azithromycin and nasonex. She was so ignorant and told me, "OMG, maybe you have HIV now." I told all my friends and my sister because I did not know how to deal with it. It's VERY HURTFUL. I have not DONE anything to my co-workers. I'm so nice to everyone. My sister and friends advised me to "IGNORE" them and that I should just focus on my work, no socializing. I've been doing it, but it's not a good working environment when you don't like anyone. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? ANY ADVICE???

One of my old co-workers was being bullied too, but she decided to leave, go to school full-time and work per-diem 2 yrs. ago. I'm in the process of applying for my masters in nursing right now, but I'm sure I won't be staying long with this hospital. I have no one to report the problem to.

I LOVE nursing and I LOVE to work in a VERY professional environment.

[erwindt, MSN, RN]

Insane as it is, one of the male nurses in the evening shift is leaving in 2 weeks because he was also tired of our co-workers. He's transferring to another unit. Another guy also left after the New Year, decided to go back to his country and quit nursing for good. I later found, he won several millions from a scratch game. Work is work, pointless to stress it out.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

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[ktwlpn, LPN]

Any minority is going to draw attention,as a murse you are a minority. I have witnessed plenty of bullying and been a victim once myself. I am a firm believer that some people passively permit repetitive bullying.

Remarks about your supposed sexuality can be illegal harrassment -document it and go through the proper channels.If HR is unresponsive then go higher.BUT be careful how you present yourself,if you don't like being the butt of a joke and you don't like these people you need to maintain a professional demeanor at all times.No fart jokes.And if you are in the midst of a conflict with a co-worker you should NEVER respond with a personal insult, Your remark "I don't know what's your problem. Why are you so miserable to everyone? Maybe you don't get enough attention from home." was totally inappropriate and just lowers you to their level.Your co-working rubbing her breasts was way beyond the pale-and witnessed by a supervior! Unbelieveable!You have to document these exchanges,you are being harrassed and demeaned and it's illegal

[lmccrn62, MSN, RN]

Welcome to nursing. Been a nurse for 30 years and some nurses are just ugly and even tend to be awful nurses. I learned a long time ago no one is your friend. Don't discuss anything you don't want spread or be someone else's discussion. Stand up for yourself and don't allow them to bully you. Usually they back down when they are called on. Report to HR and my best suggestion look for another environment that is better for you personally and professionally. I have recently resigned from a job where the behaviors of staff and management are despicable. While I hate leaving the patients I need to save myself and keep my self respect. Good luck!

[erwindt, MSN, RN]

Imccrn62, you just made my evening. Thank you from everyone's awesome advice. I will keep you all informed of my decision.

[Alexandra4rmtexas, ADN, RN]

Welcome to nursing. Been a nurse for 30 years and some nurses are just ugly and even tend to be awful nurses. I learned a long time ago no one is your friend. Don't discuss anything you don't want spread or be someone else's discussion. Stand up for yourself and don't allow them to bully you. Usually they back down when they are called on. Report to HR and my best suggestion look for another environment that is better for you personally and professionally. I have recently resigned from a job where the behaviors of staff and management are despicable. While I hate leaving the patients I need to save myself and keep my self respect. Good luck!

Thank you for ur advice I just happened to read about this bullying subject. I am a student nurse and I am frightened about working on a floor where ppl will put me down, I want to be able and protect myself!

[lmccrn62, MSN, RN]

It's always about environment. This behavior happens at all levels of nursing not just to new graduates. Just always stand up for yourself and be professional. I had some instances of bullying when I was teaching clinical and my students were the target. I told them to address the behavior with the person and funny they all claimed they had no problem. If the environment is totally toxic they just get out. There are plenty of good places out there. Always maintain your self respect.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

I am sorry you are experiencing this and I believe that places like this are the exception and not the rule.

I have worked in many environments....and I have been a victim of bullying. The nurse who bullied me was a male.....he was ruthless. I think it is an inherent flaw and insecurity innate to the bully's personality. They can't make these HIV statements nor ask about your sexual orientation. The is something you can do about it and that is report it to the EEOC, Human Resources, and corporate compliance.....discuss this privately with your boss first and if it doesn't stop consider further action.

But I think what is most important is that you find a way to leave that toxic environment and possibly examine if you in some way are giving signals that allow them to think it's ok.

As a great woman once said....

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Eleanor Roosevelt

I wish you the best!

[multi10]

With all the public awareness on the topic of bullying, I hope that it puts hospitals and facilities on alert that it would be in their best interests to enact anti-bullying policies in the workplace stat, if they haven't already. You can't turn on the TV or radio, or read internet news, without learning about a horrific situation where bullying was partly or wholly to blame.

Years ago, Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) brought the issue to the fore and succeeded in raising the public's consciousness. People who drink and drive are subject to arrest and incarceration, loss of reputation, and shame. That's what's happening now with bullying.

We'll never be able to fix the nurse who is just plain rude or condescending; that's just how some people are (and they're usually the most insecure folks), but I believe that there will come a time when true bullies will think twice about reportable behavior in the workplace that could get them written up or fired.

I know that with impaired driving there are objective measures to determine whether a person is under the influence which we don't have in the workplace. (There's no bully-meter or bully-cam.) I don't know the solution but, if enough people recognize that a certain staff member is a bully, there would be strength in numbers in reporting that person. Another measure could be the impact the unwanted behavior has on the target(s).

[Gregoryt9]

As a male nurse(28y/o) in an ICU setting and a new grad (6 months young), You have to brush off any speculations/jokes that you may be gay. Just like a woman who would work to be a construction worker would get the same heat, it is true that there is a higher percentage of homosexual men in the nursing field. Shoot If I wasn't engaged to be married, the girls in my unit probably would think I was gay.

I like to dress sharp, keep my hair sharp.

I know how to braid a woman's hair. (we do it in the neuro icu so people don't get dreads while they are in semi-comatose states)

I go to theatre, and i'm not talking movie theatre; And I have recieved heat for all of these things.

If you know you're not gay then be confident in that, and make jokes with them. Sharpen your wit. i.e. the girl who made gas jokes about you when you made fart jokes- I would have said "Oh no girl, I know you've been busting ass and blaming it on the patients! What kind of funky business do you get into?" I would have said it loud too. :)

But honestly, not all nursing is like that. I'm very fortunate to have a unit of VERY supportive and intelligent nurses. There's only one bad apple, and I just avoid communicating with her, and it works out. You should focus on your job, your tasks, and your patient needs. Everything else isn't important. Keep your eye on what's important to you.

They way I figure it, for myself that is. If I am getting concerned about little petty things, then I don't have something bigger to be focused on and I need to find a new goal. Right now it's my Spanish speaking & CCRN license. Then my Neuro CCRN license. Then my MSN. Keep focus on what's important!

Good Luck!

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I have to disagree about nurses being mean. Our unit has over 100 nurses and 99.8 % are nice! You always have those unit crabs, but that is everywhere. Our staff is pretty cohesive and we get along most of the time. We don't have any issue telling each other good job or giving constructive criticism.

If you allow people to be mean to you then it will be bad. You have to stick up for yourself.

^This.

I have been "the baby" at certain points in my career, and I have made sure that my work ethic, and my tone speak for itself. I have worked in tough places, as well as endured some people that we all have in that "you wouldn't IMAGINE" category. I knew that I deserved respect, and made sure I commanded it, and gave it back. I assertively stood up for myself to the ones that are crabby, and over time learned when to set the tone, pick and choose battles, and use a reflecting tone in terms of the intentions of people. I always keep in perspective of human interaction; most of the time I use those good ole' communication skills learned from the mental health rotation.

The unit I work on and the hospital I work in has really put the JC standards to heart. We really work cohesively, and use the constructive criticism model, strategies in interacting with other units and disciplines, more positive "speak". There are standards in place where this type of behavior is absolutely not allowed.

Go through the proper channels OP if you feel as though you are getting bullied...also, seek clarification as another poster stated...maintain your professionalism and learn to assertively not take any ish! In CC, cohesion is SO important; you also have the choice to bring those concerns up for the sake of pt. safety. DON'T take this treatment lying down!

[erwindt, MSN, RN]

Just to update on everyone. I applied for transfer last week in the PACU. I like the hours (11-11:30P). It's hard to believe I am leaving ICU, but it's for good reasons and plus I need a new challenge. It's not like I will forget my skills because I am currently working as a perdiem nurse in a level 1 trauma hospital, rotating in their SICU, MICU, and CCUs. I'm in the process of also applying to ACNP and CRNA schools. The ACNP is just a back-up. I don't want to waste time. I've been putting school for a long time.