bullies succeed?

[milani888]

I read a thread here suggesting that in the field of nursing, the agressive, loud, and obnoxious usually are the ones who make it through. I find it true not only in this field but in most aspects of human endeavors. I am basically nice, intelligent, hardworking, and I let my actions speak for myself rather than blowing my horn. I don't gossip about my co-workers or make them look bad to the others, especially to the boss. I have had several jobs in various fields before I took up nursing and I excel in my jobs. I didn't have problems with managers since they recognized my good works and they gave me fair treatment.However, I tend to be somewhat always in "trouble" with some co-workers wherever I go. They seem to find every reason to get into my nerves and make me feel bad even if I stay away from them and just did what I'm supposed to do. These people are usually the bullies and the gossips. I'm usually alone dealing with this thing because the other girls who are supposed to be "nice" hang out or cling with the bullies. People call me the "nice girl" but then I'm always into trouble----and disliked by some I have nothing to do with. Any words of wisdom?

[Cattitude]

One nurse called me once from the endo lab, because I had not sent the patient with the antibiotic hanging that we had discussed previously. That is because the doctor called later and changed the order, and I was sending the new bag direct to endo.

I told her that she had just better change her attitude and not call me up early in the morning to chew me out when she didn't hear my side of the story, and I just got here, have 6 patients, and (on and on and on--I was not in a good mood). Amazingly, she became quite docile and just sweet as pie. Lesson learned.

I think it's also perception of individual situations. I don't look at the above as "bullying". Just a nurse being a jerk. To me, bullying is repetitive, unprovoked, ongoing teasing, manipulating or harassing another person. Not "chewing someone out". JMO.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

I dont believe in Bullies

I dont believe in Backstabbers

They just simply dont exist in my way of thought.

If a bully cant bully you does he truly exist

If a backstabber has nothing to stab you with, does that backstabber truly exist.

Unless someome empowers these people to be Bullies and Backstabbers. Dont empower them and they wont exist,.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I've venture to say that the majority of non-bullies and quiet, nice people succeed in nursing.

You need to examine though when you're self-described as quiet and nice why you're "always" in trouble. Took a good look at that. What do you mean by "trouble". What kind of vibes are you sending out. Most quiet nice people fall under the radar and everyone likes them.

Regardless, you shouldn't be bullied and you need to learn how to stop them.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

I told her that she had just better change her attitude and not call me up early in the morning to chew me out when she didn't hear my side of the story, and I just got here, have 6 patients, and (on and on and on--I was not in a good mood). Amazingly, she became quite docile and just sweet as pie. Lesson learned.

Don't tread on me!

Good luck,

Oldiebutgoodie

Well, she probably was docile and sweet as pie, but then came here and posted about the mean nurse and asked "why do nurses bully one another?, this floor nurse.....", "why do nurses eat their young?".

You can't put out fire with fire in my opinion. But the attitude that you don't let others tread on you is the right one. :)

[pagandeva2000, LPN]

Bullies and gossips are a workplace fact. You have identified a problem, now find a way to protect yourself.

Keep your private life private. Too much information about you is how these people can get to you. A few basic facts that could be printed in the newspaper is all you should reveal.

Stay out of the gossip-venture no opinions that can be used against you.

Do not advertise your mistakes.

Cultivate friendships and personal ties outside of work. Just because you work with someone and chat does not make them your friend. The stronger the network you have outside of work, the less you depend on the coworkers opinons for self-worth.

Stay busy with your patients and minimize contact with bullies.

Your advice has been my bible since adulthood, and even moreso since I became a nurse last year. I stayed close to this behavior even while in nursing school. I stay to myself at work, with very few close friends. These girls (3 of them), have been my friends before I became an LPN. I found life is better this way, and have been able to navigate the system better because even the trouble makers note positively to those that don't get into the mix.

Here is an example of such; after becoming a nurse, I began working in the same clinic where I was an aide. I wanted to get more experience than the 6 weeks of med-surg I received when I first got my license by working agency overtime, but I am rusty on some of the basic skills. I called one of the friends that I do trust and she told me to come to her floor yesterday so she can sort of reorient me to the floor. So, I went. One of the trouble making supervisors saw me there and asked me if I would ever want to work overtime up there and she took me to the side and offered to assist me because she noticed that I am there to learn, not to get involved in the mess. She said she can tell I am basically responsible. Of course, I plan to take her up on this. Do I trust her? NO WAY. But, she did acknowledge that I stay to myself, do not get involved with the gossip and I am totally into patient care and positive outcomes.

It is true, that the backstabbers, brown nosers and arrogant bullies get their way. But, do not envy them, they are miserable people. The brown nosers are always afraid and have to spend a great deal of energy learning new administrators, spending money on gifts or compromising their principals to continue to get their way. That is not a way to live. I am learning more subtle ways of putting them in their places without too much confrontation. They are not worth the energy. What I do hate to see is the supervisors that perpetuate their behaviors by favoring and encouraging their maladaptive behaviors.