Bullied

[Ruthangel1970]

Hello , I need to ask for advice, I really want to thank all of u in advance for taking the time to respond to my post.

Here is my situation, I am a new grad nurse, I have been working for 5 month now, I am about to finish my training, my preceptor and other coworkers have been very good to me, but there is a senior nurse that is a bully and got it with me. I can feel like she is watching me every second to see what I do wrong. The worse part is that this nurse controls all other nurses there, she is precepting another new grad in my unit and I heard her saying that she is going to make me go work in the morning because that way she can keep the other new grad at night. I believe she is a racist, I am latin.That same nurse bullied another nurse before and she ended up leaving. I don't want to work mornings, just because she wants to, it's not fair. She is planning to sabotage my job after I am done with my orientation, She already started convincing other nurses at night that is better for me to go in the morning, you know how a bully acts. How do I face this situation? I am frustrated and I see how she is ready to start her evil pleasure game.

[RN403, BSN, RN]

It sounds as if this other nurse is a staff nurse as yourself, therefore, I am unsure how she can force you to work different shifts simply because she would like to keep the other nurse on a different shift. I would speak to your nurse manager about your concerns.

You state that you get along well with your preceptor and your other colleagues....I would not let one person get to you. I understand that it is easier said than done, however, there will be people like this no matter where you go. Always watching you? Okay, so try your best and when you make a mistake ask her or other senior nurses what you can do differently. Over time you will earn the respect of your colleagues, become confident in your care, and won't care who is watching.

Good luck in your new role.

[Ruthangel1970]

Thank u for responding to my post. Well, let me explain myself better, thenurse that I am talking about that is bulling me is an old friend of my preceptor, not to mention that all the nurses including my preceptor are always looking for her approval. She is one of this persons that are veryyy nice, but likes to single out one victim, it's hard to explain. The nurse supervisor is not an option in this case, since this person is doing everything the smart way, I wonder how people can have so much bad inside, she is enjoying this.

[RainMom]

I really don't quite see a clear picture of how she is bullying you exactly, or being rascist for that matter.

Not sure why she is able to influence what shift you are scheduled to. When you were hired, were you told it would be for nights? If so, then follow-up with your manager asking why the change happened (assuming it does). It may be that they think continuing on days would be better for you to continue developing skills. Or perhaps you've proved you can handle the busier pace of days whereas the other orientee may need the slower pace of nights to be successful. Just some thoughts.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I don't see any ways she is bulling you or how she is racist. If she is a staff nurse like you she has no control over who works what shift regardless of her seniority. If you were hired for nights then you are working nights & if you have any concerns take it up with your hiring/nurse manager.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

I don't see any ways she is bulling you or how she is racist. If she is a staff nurse like you she has no control over who works what shift regardless of her seniority. If you were hired for nights then you are working nights & if you have any concerns take it up with your hiring/nurse manager.

This.

What you have explained is that she is expressing accommodations for her orientee to orient to nights; I don't see it has a swipe at you. Has she not helped you when you asked for help? Not take report from you? Ignore you and shut you out of conversations, had said something that was untrue and told management? Had she said anything relating to your race or commenting on whether you are not competent to have your job?

Maybe you just feel intimidated by her?

I need more examples to figure out if she is bullying you.

[rn5730]

I'm also currently dealing with a bully at work who is making my work life hell. I feel for you. Big hugs and no advice at this time because I'm currently trying to figure out how to handle my situation too. I've been told by management I'm not accountable for my actions, I'm too slow to work there, and I don't round on my patients enough. I can say I have the highest amount of written, called in compliments of any of the staff that works there, but that's not what they want to see. They want fast turnover. I'm not sure how a hospital that prides itself on being the "choice" hospital in the area cannot see that by my compliments I'm doing just that.

[Gooselady, BSN, RN]

These kinds of things are always a two way street.

The first thing I'd do is REFUSE to buy into anything that tells you that you are a VICTIM (of racism, of being a new grad, of being NOT her choice to work nights, whatever). Like the others have said, she is your peer.

I've been in a staff that had a similar dynamic . . . an outspoken and a bit arrogant experienced nurse surrounded by people who accommodate her by kissing up or fearing and loathing her. You are in the 'fear and loathing' part but you know what? These aren't the only TWO options you have. And what the others on this thread are saying is about this 'other option'.

Bullying does happen, it is a shame. At the same time, a person working with a bully has a responsibility to themselves and the job itself (if they choose to stay and work it out). Sinking into a victim role (the fear and loathing part) is ONLY going to hurt you, and this is your first job! You are barely on your feet yet. So now is a great time to ask this question and begin to work on your interpersonal coping skills.

Focusing on the bully's bad behavior is going to take you NOWHERE fast. Focusing on what you can do, and refusing to allow yourself to slip into victim mode is your only decent option. I can't say I have never stewed and brewed over just how nasty some people can be, and if they enjoy being so awful. But all that does is fill ME up with negative emotions, which I then take to work with me, and start hating my job, and then a huge chunk of my life is MISERABLE.

So focus back on YOU and tell yourself that you are no one's victim, you are her equal at least in the licensure and human resources regard, you have the same rights as a worker. This takes practice.

And finally . . . find some way to sit down and talk to this woman. What really helps two people at odds (or when at least one feels like they are at odds) is to get to know a little bit about each other. It humanizes her to you and vice versa. It makes her less monstrous in your eyes, and in hers, it makes you a real person and not some piece to shove around at her convenience. I did this many years ago with a charge nurse who was a yeller and quick to anger. She'd screamed at me in front of the whole staff for something I did wrong. The next day I approached her and asked if I could have a quick word in her office, and I apologized for the scheduling mistake I'd made, told her how I'd fixed things so it wouldn't happen again -- and then asked her to PLEASE pull me aside to *ahem* CORRECT me next time, I was so embarrassed at being yelled at in front of everyone, and so forth. She apologized and I think 'got to know me' and me her, and it changed our whole relationship. I was so intimidated by her and her brusque manner that I had her painted into this Goddess of Vengeance, but she was just a regular nurse with a job to do, just like me.

You aren't really a victim, see. Even though you are a brand spankin' new nurse. So don't 'go there', please. Talk to this nurse, try and work out some kind of friendly, polite relationship with her. And give it some time to work.

If it doesn't work, you've done all you could. For now, you haven't done all you could, in fact you may be making it WORSE on yourself by retreating into victim mode. Good luck, this kind of thing is common for new nurses, but far from needing to be a huge drama.

[OCNRN63, RN]

I don't see any examples of bullying, nor do I see any examples of this nurse expressing a racist attitude toward you. I would be careful about playing fast and loose with the "R" word. IMO, calling someone a racist when s/he is not is a form of bullying. Once you label someone a racist, in the eyes of some people, s/he is a racist, even if that is not the truth.

This sounds more like you not liking one person, so you've blown up every little thing s/he does that you don't like. I think Gooselady's idea of having a sit-down with this individual is a good one.

[thevez]

She is not bullying you. Why don't you go talk to her.

Everyone will keep their eyes on you to see if you are improving and doing a good job.

You're new and this is an adjustment stage for you and for them.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I don't see either racism or bullying in your situation. The fact that you don't like someone -- or that they don't like you -- is neither bullying nor racism. I'd be careful about throwing either of those two words around. It may not get you the reaction you'd like.

[Rockstar81]

We need to "grow a pair" in Nursing. FOCUS ON YOU . What are your goals for yourself? What shift do YOU want to work? If your desired shift is not available on this unit, transfer to another unit. Speak to HR. Or leave. Don't be afraid. You are giving away YOUR POWER. But my feeling is transferring you to day shift is a POSITIVE for you. That tells me they feel you are able to handle the morning shift. The night shift is slower & better for new RNs/orientees on the unit. FLIP THE SCRIPT & MAKE IT WORK FOR YOU.