Bizarre Reactions to Death

[LasVegasRN]

I was trying to think of a gentle, positive, and non-offensive way to start this thread, but... it's true. I've witnessed some really bizarre reactions to patient's deaths: by family, by staff, by physicians.

A dark subject, but interesting.

The first bizarre incident that comes to mind was when the adult son of a patient came to the unit after the rest of the family called to let him know the father had passed. The family kept saying "he's gonna freak out" repeatedly. Well, that's nothing new. Yet, he DID freak out.

As soon as he entered the unit and saw the family in the room gathered around the father, he dropped to his knees, let out this blood-curdling YEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!, got up, ran around the entire unit like he was racing Flo-Jo, burst out of the exit doors (setting off all kinds of alarms), ran down the steps to outside, flung himself into the grass and started eating the grass. WTF?!?

I am quite sure there are others who have witnessed bizarre reactions also....

[mario_ragucci]

And Wendy, I want you to absolutely know that I was joking with you about the correction in terminology you made re: camera developing. i wanted to have something to say to you, because I think your a wonderful person. You know that all ready, and probably don't need me to chime in with frivilous stuff. I'm sorry :-(

[hapeewendy]

haha mario I was referring my response to allison

I laughed my butt off with your response!!

well not literally off , but you get the point!!!

you and I share the same fear about our loved ones propping us up and posing us post mortem ..which always makes for a joke or two

no worries :)

weeeeee

[colleen10]

Hi Stargazer,

Just wanted you to know that my family sounds a lot like yours. We have the weirdest sense of humor.

God forbid you ever get sick or die in our family because we are with out mercy.

[ruffhouser]

When I was growing up, we had neighbors who were from Lithuania. They were showing me some of their pictures. Apparently it was their family custom to take a family picture with the deceased. The deceased member of the family would be in their coffin. The coffin would be vertical (to give the effect of the deceased standing), and all of the family would gather around the coffin for the picture. I remember this to this day. Really freaked me out as a kid.

Merry CHRISTmas!

[dianthe1013]

Six months later, I unexpectedly burst into tears in the middle of a Walmart when I saw something Mom would have loved to have.

That doesn't sound weird at all, Jeannie. Well, it might to some people, but I'm exactly like that, so I know what you mean. It's like I feel that someone has to take care of stuff, and it isn't going to be anyone else, so... It'll be me taking care of it. And crying in Wal-Mart six months later, too.

A similar thing happened to me several months ago, though not a death. My father has non-small cell lung cancer and was undergoing a pneumonectomy. The surgeon harvested some lymph nodes and sent them off to the path lab for what I call "fast-slashing," basically to determine whether the cancer had metastasized yet. Well, the first node yielded a false positive result, so the surgeon halted the procedure and sewed him up. Well, my mom and my sister freaked out, so it was up to me to let everyone know what had happened and make with the happy outlook. It worked...until my grandmother, who is a nurse, showed up and gave me hell for being so calm when my dad's prognosis was so horribly poor. WTF? I would've thought she, of all people, would understand... :)

At any rate, I held it together long enough to find out that the false positive was just that. :) Now my father is up for a repeat of the surgery in a few months. He's not happy about being sawed in half again, but it's better than dying at 49, right?

Donna :)

[flowerchild]

While attending a funeral in Southern GA at a Southern Baptist Church, I was awed by the family and freind reactions to death. Screaming, crying, throwing themselves at the dead person, speaking in tongues, etc. and I won't even begin to go into the sermon and service itself! Very scarry to me! I hid in the corner and watched and winced. I understand that it's not just this particular family but the way many in the area greive at the loss. At the grave site the directors refuse to lower the casket until everyone is gone b/c they have problems with people throwing themselves into the grave to be with their lost loved one. When MIL died I had to beg the director to let us watch b/c it was important to my son, he needed to see her burried in order to have peace of mind. OK with me, but we had to wait till everyone else left and then convince the funeral burial crew that it was actually OK and the right thing to do for us. They reluctantly and watchfully complied, finally.

In the hospital I always knew when a family of similar background would loose someone to death b/c they would become out of control, howling and screaming while walking the hallways, flailing, fainting, etc, thus upsetting EVERYONE on the unit. It always took a few minutes and several people to redirect the family away and into a private area. My family is the opposite, very quiet and reserved at times of death, they don't talk much about it...which isn't such a great way to deal with it either imo. Took me a while to figure out what death was and find my own way to deal with it in my profession when I was a young/new nurse. As a child I never even had a dog die, so death was a foriegn subject to me.

[monkijr]

Originally posted by JeannieM

This is a fascinating thread! Actually, one of the most bizarre reactions to death was my own, when my mother died suddenly, but not completely unexpectedly, of an MI. I was in graduate school at the time, and I received the call one morning a week before finals. My response:

5. I finished up what had to be done, went back, only missed one class and took finals.

Six months later, I unexpectedly burst into tears in the middle of a Walmart when I saw something Mom would have loved to have. I'm sure that at the time everyone thought I was the most cold-blooded daughter they'd ever seen. I have no idea what happened; I just went into auto-pilot. I couldn't even cry at the funeral! I know I couldn't explain my own. JeannieM

Jeannie,

This brought back memories of my own fathers' passing. one difference, I have 9 sisters and 7 brothers, I am the "baby". anyway, terminal CA, still hard to accept when it happens. I take matters under control, I sometimes think I was expected to be the strong one. Not realy sure why it happened the way it did, you go thru the motions. Then months later, I go visit mom, go to dad's room, smell his shirts, sit on his bed, and go outside to the driveway, fall on my knees and ball like a baby, If I remember correctly, it was the beginning of my grieving. Some things can't be explained. I remember my sisters and brother, crying.

[NurseWeasel]

I'm an autopilot person too! I had a barely-discernable reaction to my DEARLY beloved Grandpa's death, and then about 6 months to a year later I almost completely fell apart. It had a major impact on my life and lifestyle (the falling apart), and at the time I didn't see that it was connected to the grieving process, but it was.

4 years later it was Grandma's turn to go and I determined that I would not allow myself to be undermined by my habit of "stuffing" my feelings and failing to acknowledge the pain and loss like that again. I would take care of myself so that I could take care of everyone and everything else.

I did go on autopilot again during the time I needed to function to process paperwork and take care of business, but I also held myself accountable to feeling the grief, allowed myself to cry, and kept my promise not to "stuff it". It's been almost a year now and I can say that I have handled Grandma's passing in a much healthier manner.

[LasVegasRN]

Originally posted by flowerchild

While attending a funeral in Southern GA at a Southern Baptist Church, I was awed by the family and friend reactions to death. Screaming, crying, throwing themselves at the dead person, speaking in tongues, etc. and I won't even begin to go into the sermon and service itself! Very scarry to me! I hid in the corner and watched and winced. I understand that it's not just this particular family but the way many in the area grieve at the loss. At the grave site the directors refuse to lower the casket until everyone is gone b/c they have problems with people throwing themselves into the grave to be with their lost loved one...

I thought this was normal?? If none of this happens at a funeral in my family something is WRONG!! :chuckle

[rebelwaclause, ASN, RN]

Originally posted by Gomer

I had a family of gypsies (yes, real gypsies) react at the death of the father (leader of the pact) by urinating on the ambulance bay entrance. Must have been a curse on the hospital ....

Naw dude, they're just freakin' weird!

[mario_ragucci]

I was weird when I asked to go to the cremetorium after my dad's service. No one else did, and no one else does, except those that do. I wanted to see what went on, but most everyone else says goodbye at the funeral palore or church. Except if it's your dad. Anyway, seeing the final goodbye as loading a cardboard box into huge furnice is your ticket to mortality. It's taboo totally, and even the funeral people told me few ask to go there. I had no idea my feelings would change about life as much as when the sound of that furnice kicked on (creepy) :-(

[NurseWeasel]

Mario, not to change the subject, but is that you with Santa? Very cute avatar.