Bizarre Reactions to Death

[LasVegasRN]

I was trying to think of a gentle, positive, and non-offensive way to start this thread, but... it's true. I've witnessed some really bizarre reactions to patient's deaths: by family, by staff, by physicians.

A dark subject, but interesting.

The first bizarre incident that comes to mind was when the adult son of a patient came to the unit after the rest of the family called to let him know the father had passed. The family kept saying "he's gonna freak out" repeatedly. Well, that's nothing new. Yet, he DID freak out.

As soon as he entered the unit and saw the family in the room gathered around the father, he dropped to his knees, let out this blood-curdling YEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!, got up, ran around the entire unit like he was racing Flo-Jo, burst out of the exit doors (setting off all kinds of alarms), ran down the steps to outside, flung himself into the grass and started eating the grass. WTF?!?

I am quite sure there are others who have witnessed bizarre reactions also....

[mario_ragucci]

Gromit - I respect what you did and feel like you do. Your account of what happened is excellent. It is sick and wrong for anyone to show open disrespect for a natural death.

Do you feel you took a risk by barking those disrespectful people out? What if those people, or tothers, refuse to leave. Yewd have to just wait for the police. Is it okay for a nurse to raise voice to anyone? I enjoy reading your experience.

[Gromit]

NurseWeasel (a most cool moniker!) I appreciate that. I was raised to believe (and do) very strongly in 'family'. I was also very close to that grandfather, he was a very proud man. He cried when his oldest grandson (yours truly) cleaned and changed him for the first time. I cried with him, as I know that I too, am a very proud man, and it would hurt to be in his shoes. I was very fortunate to have a girlfriend who was very supportive during such times.

Death is not something I fear (literally twice, I thought I'd found my end -thankfully not) but to die w/o dignity, that is the worst, most desperate fear I have.

I keep talking like that, they may send me to the 4th floor (our psych unit).

mario_ragucci. Yes, I did take some risk in speaking like that, but it really angered me to see this poor man sitting and crying, all alone, at his dinner table, while his "friends" and neighbors all stood around talking loudly about the newly deceased. I felt that was extremely dissrespectful, and >I

Fortunately for me, most people will follow orders if given by someone in uniform, who at least sounds like they are in charge :) I'm also a pretty good sized individual, and something of a presence when annoyed.

Lastly, I was upset enough that I didn't care if my job was on the line. The situation was just plain wrong.

[mario_ragucci]

Yes, you had no choice but to be there, and this situation was NOT of your initiation. But I see this as a chance to learn, in case I am ever at a bizarre reaction and am being myself.

For example, if I was the RN at an actual dying with potential for bizarre reaction, i would think about how I could lock the doors, securing the site.

What if a "trouble maker" was harming the dignity of the family. I'd look the door after someone died until the police come to prevent potential intruders. I'm talking about this because it would upset me too. Fighting could not be an option, which means getting involved is limited. I'm sorry

[NurseWeasel]

Thanks, Gromit. I think your post touched my heart because I, too, cared for my *very most favorite person in the world* dying grandfather. Family is the most important thing to me, too. I was blessed this Thanksgiving & Christmas (BOTH!) to have ALL my surviving family at my house... extended and nuclear. My 30th birthday (5 years ago, ahem) was my "best day ever" because I still had both Grandma and Grandpa (although terminal), and spent the day surrounded by family. Thank you for the warm memories. =)

[flaerman]

I used to work oncology years ago and the strangest thing I ever saw was when I had a lady of eastern-European extraction that had died before her family could make it in. I called the sons to notify and when they showed up they brought in a polaroid camera and started taking pictures of her. They even went as far as take pictures of one another lying on the bed and posing with her, they even wanted me totake a picture of both of them posing with her which I was uncomfortable doing so they got someone else to do it.--Paul:confused:

[kaycee]

Originally posted by JeannieM

This is a fascinating thread! Actually, one of the most bizarre reactions to death was my own, when my mother died suddenly, but not completely unexpectedly, of an MI. I was in graduate school at the time, and I received the call one morning a week before finals. My response:

1. I called my sister and informed her (she lives over a thousand miles away).

2. I e-mailed all of my professors and my study group, asking them to get me notes for the classes I might miss.

3. I called my husband at work. He came home and helped me pack.

4. I drove to the town where she had died, arranged the funeral, saw a lawyer to help clear up the estate, assumed executor role, and with my sister, who was pretty upset, and our families, sorted through Mom's house and possessions. (We get along great; there wasn't any fighting over Mom's things).

5. I finished up what had to be done, went back, only missed one class and took finals.

Six months later, I unexpectedly burst into tears in the middle of a Walmart when I saw something Mom would have loved to have. I'm sure that at the time everyone thought I was the most cold-blooded daughter they'd ever seen. I have no idea what happened; I just went into auto-pilot. I couldn't even cry at the funeral!

So bizarre responses to death? Families themselves probably couldn't explain them. I know I couldn't explain my own. JeannieM

I had the same reaction when my mother died suddenly. My father was quite ill at the time and the rest of the kids are out of town. I was responsible for everything and was making all the decisions. I don't think it really hit me until everyone went home. That's when I started to mourn, privately my own way.