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Best Sick Call slips

Correctional   (10,957 Views 26 Comments)
by DawnJ DawnJ (Member) Member Nurse

DawnJ has 2 years experience .

9,535 Profile Views; 312 Posts

I can't turn off the alarm in my head.” Tinnitus or psych?

I need more energy, is there a pill for that?” When I saw him, his cellie had given him the solution: snort instant coffee. I recommended against that.

I see rainbows.” Eye problem, medication side effect or psych?

I have a abacus in my juggler brain” That would be ‘abscess on my jugular vein.

My eyes keep rolling in my head”. That was actually a medication side effect.

I've been asking and asking but nobody will give me a bandaid for my hangnail!”

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OrganizedChaos has 10 years experience as a LVN and specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

1 Follower; 1 Article; 6,883 Posts; 64,643 Profile Views

Lol. The ones that stick out most are "I haven't gone to the bathroom in X days".

It's usually like over a week & when I talk to them I ask them why they didn't put in a sick call sooner.

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DawnJ has 2 years experience.

312 Posts; 9,535 Profile Views

Someone wrote to me today that they are "epi-electric"

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6 Posts; 745 Profile Views

I'll never forget the first sick call I ever read said "I feel as doe I have jock ich"

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DawnJ has 2 years experience.

312 Posts; 9,535 Profile Views

I have one guy snowing me with requests for testosterone injections because he is losing his hair.

And another who has his entire family calling Medical because he wants a multi-vitamin. That is a Psych issue because he has somatic symptoms and as soon as he swallows a vitamin, literally, he is dancing away from the Med Cart. Prior to the vitamin, he is unable to walk.

Psych wants nothing to do with it because he declines services, saying he has a Medical problem. And the Medical docs feel it is a placebo and not ethical. Also against protocol because we only give vitamins if there is a deficency indicated on the blood work, and his is perfect X 4 tests.

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SinMiedo has 7 years experience and specializes in Corrections, Psych.

31 Posts; 2,754 Profile Views

In a previous facility where the majority of our population spoke Spanish, many inmates would pool their collective English vocabulary words in order to submit a SC slip. One of the best I got was:

" Miss Nurse.... I need to see you because I have the mushrooms on my feets." We were puzzled for a minute until we realized the translation error, then it was rather funny.

Turns out the Spanish word for athletes foot and mushroom is close/the same, so the gentleman assumed the English meaning was too.

More recently, I had this one:

"I need to see the nerse becuz I was bite by a brown crouppen spiter."

(Brown and Crouppen is a law firm that advertises constantly on TV in the area.)

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OrganizedChaos has 10 years experience as a LVN and specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.

1 Follower; 1 Article; 6,883 Posts; 64,643 Profile Views

In a previous facility where the majority of our population spoke Spanish, many inmates would pool their collective English vocabulary words in order to submit a SC slip. One of the best I got was:

" Miss Nurse.... I need to see you because I have the mushrooms on my feets." We were puzzled for a minute until we realized the translation error, then it was rather funny.

Turns out the Spanish word for athletes foot and mushroom is close/the same, so the gentleman assumed the English meaning was too.

More recently, I had this one:

"I need to see the nerse becuz I was bite by a brown crouppen spiter."

(Brown and Crouppen is a law firm that advertises constantly on TV in the area.)

Oh I remember those or I would have to translate on the computer since I don't speak Spanish. Haha!

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emilyy11 has 3 years experience.

20 Posts; 945 Profile Views

I had someone put in a sick call asking about getting glasses. He used "eye" instead of "I" through the whole request. I responded the same way. :)

I had another one that was "I am having brain fogginess due to the artificial sweetener in the juice packet. I would like to start on a new supplement."

Another one was having "severe blue balls." he said he udually has sex with his wife 4 to 5 times a day and used pornographic videos to masturbate a few times a week. He was being completely serious. The nurse that saw him gave him an ice pack and a pamphlet about blue balls. :)

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DawnJ has 2 years experience.

312 Posts; 9,535 Profile Views

The nurse that saw him gave him an ice pack and a pamphlet about blue balls. :)

Where would I get a copy of that pamphlet?

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emilyy11 has 3 years experience.

20 Posts; 945 Profile Views

He just found a thing to print off online.

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DawnJ has 2 years experience.

312 Posts; 9,535 Profile Views

Had one this week: "I need womb care". He meant "wound care" but this inmate is a big baby, so we got a good laugh

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504 Posts; 10,329 Profile Views

The funniest one I got was from an elderly man that said, the marihuana smoke from cell 23, is aggravating his asthma. ( after investigating, it wasn't from him, just someone snitching on the marihuana smokers).

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