Best Death

[zumalong]

I don't know if this has been posted before--but I was just wondering what the best experience with death has been for other nurses out there (or anyone caring to answer). I know we deal with this topic everyday, but I never thought about it until this experience happened to hit so close to home.

I have worked in acute care for many years on a surgical floor. Most of our patients who die--end up coding and go out with many drugs, multiple IV lines, and broken ribs from CPR. The patients that are DNR's usually die alone in the hospital--occasionally with family.

When my father in law developed prostate cancer, I talked a lot with him about his wishes. He chose hospice care. They were very helpful. The day before he died, he began bleeding out. I had just given birth to my second child and wanted desperately to have grandpa meet Sean. He held out and on Saturday, two hours from discharge, I went to the house with the baby. Dad had been in a semi-comatose state, but when my hubby and I told him we had his new grandson, he opened his eyes and held Sean's hand.

He had wanted the funeral arrangements all completed, so mom and my SIL went to the funeral home. They had been with dad most of the morning saying good bye. Joe (my hubby) and I each got some time alone with dad. I was able to say goodbye and ask him to look my brother Danny up (who had died the year before--and who I did not get to say goodbye to). Dad actually smiled and squeezed my hand. He was able to kiss Joe once more.

Mom and Mel (SIL) returned from the funeral parlor--The TV had golf on in the living room (very loud), and the Catholic channel in the bedroom was having high mass, Dad sat up smiled at all of us (who were now gathered around his bed), he lay down and his breathing slowed down (we all told him it was ok to let go) and he took his last breath. It was the most peaceful experience I have ever had. I hope that someday when I die, I can have all my loved ones around me letting me know it was ok to go.

I don't intend to make this thread morose--I just wanted to share this experience with friends who I know will understand what I am saying. Peace.

[bjpeace]

Hey Mario,

Don't turn your back on forgiveness, sometimes it can be the best release of emotions we don't realize we are carrying. Your replies have been very eye-opening for me. I'm not going to tell you what you need to do, you are taking care of yourself as you need to right now. Just allow yourself to stay open to change with your family in the future. It's so easy to become angry and turn away from people in defense of the ones that we love the most. I don't know if I will ever be able to let go of the anger I carry( I won't bore you with the details! ) and I am always aware in the slightest way that it is with me every day. Now, most of the time it isn't in the context that it started, but rears its ugly head on the bad days and I come across looking like someone with a chip on their shoulder in situations far removed from family ( like work). I don't know how to let go of this anger when I have been able to let go and forgive in other situations. I guess family can bring out the best and worst in me. Your love for your mom and dad are evident that your heart is in the right place. Every one handles life and death differently, maybe one day you can apply that to your brother. And I will try to apply it to my situation. Each day gives me another opportunity to deal with my situation, if I find a cure, I'll let you know. Maybe Haldol? I'll put it on my list for tomorrow!

[moonrose2u]

and I almost forgot: the best death would be one in which my beloved grandmothers and father would be standing there welcoming me to the other side.

moon

[mario_ragucci]

This is truely morbid, but im not afraid to talk abowdit. Pretty much it's accepted that cancer would be least liked way to die in this sense. What is most favored choice to come to the end, physio-wize? :imbar

I wouldn't want to drown, or not be able to breath. I'd hate to die of starvation:confused:

Lethal injection is hard because, even though your heart stops, I think you'd be feeling a slow death/death.

Being discintergrated would be the best biological and physiological death, I think, because all your cells would cease in the fasted time. All cells. :chuckle

It's not my place to raise hard-core reality. I'm sorry:o

:kiss

[mario_ragucci]

dis-in-te-grate To become reduced to components, fragments, or particles.

To lose cohesion or unity: pressures that cause families to disintegrate

Physics & Chemistry. To decompose, decay, or undergo a nuclear transformation.

To fly into a star would mean disintergration. Atomic fission/fusion would be another example. My last $.02.

[moonrose2u]

does anyone watch "the other side" with john edward?featured on the sci fi

fascinating....

[ComicRN]

Hmmmm. That's a toughy. First person I saw who was dead was in between semesters of nursing school when I was a CNA. I had to go into a room with a couple of other CNA's and prepare a body for the morgue. I was scared to death! (excuse the pun!) I didn't know what to expect. I had never even been to an open casket funeral (and this at age 35!!)!!!! The other CNA's were very gentle with me and I was pleased to see that they were very gentle and caring with the patient. That helped.

The first person I was with at the moment of death was my grandmother, when I was at the end of my nursing schooling. She was in a nursing home and had pneumonia. I went to visit her and my dad was there. He needed a break and I told him I would sit with her for a while. Of course I knew ALL about cheynne-stokes breathing, so I was watching her very intently, while at the same time holding her hand, stroking her hair and talking to her. I was scared, but it was very peaceful and didn't seem to be painful at all. And you know....I actualy consider it a privilege to have been present when she died. I feel like I was able to help her through what may have been a scary time for her. I guess I'll never know unless I see her again someday.

I now work in long term care and still consider it a privilege to help residents and their families go through the dying process. I think it is like any other teaching that we, as nurses, do. Many families have no idea what to expect. If I can help ease their fears, I feel I have done a good job, and that makes it a "good death". If I can be a patient advocate and help ease the pain and suffering of a dying patient, then that makes it a "good death".

Perhaps I would feel differently about death if I worked in an ED or trauma unit where the staff doesn't have the luxury of planning for a "good death", but from where I am now, I'm happy to be helping out where I can.

[eagleRN]

After being at the bedside of a large number of dying residents, I have found that each experience is unique. In the hospital it was all rush rush, rush, trying to save a life of someone you didn't know. "just doing my job" Now that I work at a convalescent center, I have been a part of the "living" of that resident. I have laughed with them, eaten with them, attempted to convince the alzheimer's pt, that I wasn't his enemy OR his wife. When they have died, I don't go running for the equipment to check their v/s, I just use my eyes, ears and touch.

When I die I pray it's not with a b/p cuff wrapped around my arm, needles and tubes stuck in places where only God should see. I want it to be peaceful, quiet and with the ones I love.

A "sharp" nurse knows when she is welcomed at the bedside with the family, and I never can recall one time in 25 years when I was asked to leave the room when the pt. was dying, on the contrary my presence seemed to make the dying process smoother for all concerned.

What greater place can there be on this whole earth than to be at the side of a dying human;knowing that the last second they spend on this earth will be spent in your presence, and the next second they will stand before God. That is so awe inspiring.

The closest experience to this feeling I have had, was when my girls were born. One second they were with God, and the next second they were laying in my arms, a gift from him to me.

[mario_ragucci]

I really enjoyed reading eagle's last post, and it leaves so much for pleasant thoughts.

"Best death" would be one you prefer to have, if you could control your death. accepted as "best death" is lethal injection. It's the method chosen by euthinasia, right? Or is it carbon monoxide?) Suiciders chose pistol shot in heart or head or to hang themselves, or OD. Thats hard.

I may jump a few levels here with this assertion, but the true best death would be via dicintegration. One day I pray to be ejected directly into the sun so my atoms could be recycled. It wouldn't matter anyway. (no pun)

In the supply room, I was shown the shower bags to place dead people in, so I know it could happen. I also saw the special gurney I read about on allnurses.com when i was young.

[micro, RN]

the choice of............

hope i do not face it for a long time and even longer than 77 yrs of age.........

but then again.............

death, nothing much more real than that.............

micro, wonders how she smiles and laughs sometimes.....and finds joy..........but micro does

[Ted]

The best death(s) witnessed were during my oncology days. The patients who seemed to die the "best deaths" seemed to have accepted their death - were at peace with themselves and their "Maker" - and were surrounded by their loved ones.

There were a number of people who, after "fighting the good fight" found peace with the inevitability of their death. They were and still are my heroes.

Death is a tough subject to talk/write about. This is a good thread. . .

Ted

P. S. This is where I'm "at" with death. . . I want to live. . . I want my family to live. . . I want my friends to live. . .:chair:

[dianthe1013]

Both of these instances are outside of nursing practice, but...

The best death I've ever witnessed was that of my great-grandmother. She'd endured surgical treatment for mandibular cancer for nearly two years, and was in so much pain that it hurt all of us to even look at her.

Then, something happened to her that changed my life; one of the floor nurses came in to check her vitals one evening while we were visiting, and my great-grandmother (who was heavily medicated at the time) asked if it was "all going to be over soon." The nurse (whose name was Sylvia, I still remember that) brushed a hand across her forehead and told her that God had a plan. It seemed to be exactly what she needed to hear, and something that no one in our family had been able to express.

She died two days later, and it was Sylvia's caring and simple response to my great-grandmother's pain that drove home with me exactly how much difference health care professionals can make. And while her doctors had tried to heal her body, only Sylvia ever let her know that more than that mattered.

The worst death I've ever encountered was my grandfather's. He had a quadruple cardiac bypass. When he was one week post-op, a blot clot entered his heart. He died in the local ER after being transported by ambulance.

Most of our family was able to make it to the ER before his doctor came out to tell us he had died. They allowed us the opportunity to go see him one last time. I wish I hadn't done it. I was fifteen at the time, and seeing him was a huge blow to me. I'd never seen a dead person before, and it was apparent by his frozen facial expression that he'd died in enormous pain.

Now, I'm a former forensic science student and current nursing student. I've seen plenty of dead patients. I have yet, however, to have one die on my watch. I'm not sure how I'll react to that.

Sorry for the long posting. I'm afraid I'm a bit long-winded. :)

Donna :)

[mattsmom81]

Interesting posts everyone....enjoyed all the thoughts here.

After 25 years in nursing I can truly say there are many things much worse than death. I look at death as the final stage of life in this dimension.

I appreciated my father's hospice nurse greatly...she was such a helpful and calming presence to my entire family. As a nurse, some of my most satisfying experiences have been in hospice type situations...providing support and caring to an entire family.:)