backstabbed at work

[NuHappyRN]

I am trying to get a perspective on how to deal with situations like this in the future. I was working with a preceptor who just had it in for me. I don't know what it was that she didn't like about me but she treated me horribly and constantly tried to make snide remarks to me. She talked down to me and needless to say we didn't work together for long. I found out that behind my back she was writing all sorts of notes on me on just plain old notebook paper. Not the preceptor evaluation sheets- notebook paper, about just random things she didn't like about me in such a format as "RN did ...." And they were small random situations that had nothing to do with nursing. She twisted these things around to try to make me look really bad. I found it very strange and she gave this to management without even telling me. Why are there nurses out there like this? What can I do next time in this situation to alleviate myself in the most professional way?

[BrokenRNheart]

I feel for you with your experience.

Unfortunately, I have been to enough units and facilities to learn this is the way it is and why there is so much dissatisfaction.

I have noticed that management relies on negative tattletales to control their unit. It is all about making sure they have brown-nosing followers because my guess is that they are very insecure of their own positions and need to get rid of anyone that is not in their fan club. The brown-nosers know how to play the game.

I haven't figured out all the tricks myself. I think I have and play the game and then it never fails that I find myself experiencing the same things - altered facts, twisted facts, exaggerated facts and lies. Who ever tells the story is telling the truth to the manager. I would like to believe that a good manager would force tattletales to get professional help because it reminds me of schoolgirl behavior. Obviously those managers need professional help because they NEED those people to survive.

What I have learned is to get away from those settings fast from now on. I won't stay under sick management again. I have good skills and something to offer and refuse to offer it to a floor where the people that run it all need psychological help. No more. If that is even possible.

I don't have time to read all of this but I will be because I would like to see what everyone says.

I also know that I am done with bedside nursing. I will NEVER allow myself to be beat down by that environment again. After taking a month off to try to heal I know that I am going to sift throught the haystack to find the needles to get a job away from bedside. I will question managers on interviews about how they handle their staff with support. Chances are if they have a problem they won't hire me after that and that will save me from wasting my time.

I am putting a lot of things together as of this weekend. I have been a mess and a wreck for a month. I pray that I can keep my head on straight because this last month has been hard. I'm glad I didn't work even though bill collectors are calling. I'm grateful for any day that I can focus and not feel the way I have for the last month.

It is probably not you. It is this field. With my previous experience, I would recommend to get away from them fast because you will always be under the gun. I have no idea if that is appropriate to tell you. As far as I am concerned - I believe it is.

[BrokenRNheart]

So sorry you had to endure all this, i find it ironc in our "caring" profession nurses tend to snipe and bully the worst. Before Nursing I worked with all guys in a male oriented field.. Was so looking forward to being with women.. Now I know we really are not the gentle sex..

Well put!

[pebbles, BSN, RN]

I agree with what a lot of the others have said. But I want to make sure you know that not all managers are like this.

Weak managers who don't have very good people skills are the ones who rely on tattle-tales. Really, it is the job of the manager to supervise the staff, and not the job of the staff to supervise other staff. There is a difference between tattling and telling (ie telling the mgr when there is a problem).

I would suggest talking to the manager about your concerns that you are being documented behind your back, and persecuted by this person.

But if the entire unit just has a culture that allows for that kind of thing, and allows the "tattle-tales" to claim their glory and self-righteous indignation over others - you may well find a better workplace culture on a different unit.

Good luck.

[barefootlady, ADN, RN]

After reading so many posters comments I am truly saddened and surprised. Sad because so many young, talented, caring nurses are treated so badly. Surprised that there are any bedside nurses left.

Viking, I especially feel bad for you, but somehow I know you do a fantastic job and will continue to do a fantastic job in your new position. Blessings to you.

[bollweevil]

I think you should simply talk to her plainly. Ask her what's up and see what she says.

[ZootRN]

So sorry you had to endure all this, i find it ironc in our "caring" profession nurses tend to snipe and bully the worst. Before Nursing I worked with all guys in a male oriented field.. Was so looking forward to being with women.. Now I know we really are not the gentle sex..

This is so funny you mentioned it, I used to work with guys and was sick of it because they were always promoted ahead of me and I was looked down upon, and I was so looking forward to female-dominated nursing thinking that finally I'll be with friends and will find a support. Ha-ha:)

[loricatus]

What might work is if you get yourself one of those pocket notebooks. Fill it out whenever near her & start to write the time and what she is doing, advise she gave to questions, who she talks with, etc. Of course, don't let her see what you write-just make sure she sees you writing and knows it is about her. If needed, use your notes on her to counteract hers on you. If she is spending so much time writing, I bet she isn't doing her real job! My bet is that she will become totally paranoid and think that management has you checking up on her. That may put a stop to this nonsense.

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

I know that it only takes a few - to ruin many! I have seen some wicked targeting of folks - I will not allow it to take place in my presence. IF you see it and allow it - you are part of it!

A note on working with boys and girls -

I, too, used to work with the fellas. At times it would just get to me.

Then I went to working the girls. WOW! Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. :angryfire

Now, I'm pretty zen about it. (Actually I'm back to working with the fellas again. - )

The BEST thing about most of the guys is this:

They have a problem or issue, they are generally direct. At worst, they will just pop off with "Listen, B&%#$ I've had all your crap I'm going to take, now just get away from me......" And then it is over. Time. Space. And then you are back to GOOD.

The mean girls however, will resort to this:

While hugging you and acting delighted "Oh, it is so good to see you. We need to get together and do something. I'm so glad we are working together - this is just great" All the while they are plunging the knife in your back or planning to pull the rug out from under you. At best many walk away remarking to their "tribe": "Did you see that B&%#$, who does she think she is - well, I'll show her..." Often impossible to even get to GOOD.

Boys vs. Girls - Social nature does play a role.

At this point in my career - the "guys" have it! I do not think that I can go back to the female dominated areas.

NOT sure who is easier to work with overall, but guys do tend "toward live and let live" and are generally more direct and interested in competence over collegiality - however, I think a guy that is "natured" like a girl can be the most dangerous one.

These BAD BEHAVIORS have very REAL CONSEQUENCES! Reputations and careers are ruined by bullies. Resolve to STOP it when you see it. Tough but necessary.

And when ANYONE shows you what they are really about - you better believe them. IF you see someone act UGLY toward another - you know what they can do to you!

Yep! It is true - sometimes the ugliest thing about the NURSING PROFESSION can be the nurses themselves.

Practice SAFE!

[ilstu99]

Wait. Do we work in the same place?? I'm so sorry you are going through this, too. I feel like crap all the time. I detest working on days this particular charge (with her cronies) is working, and on and on. I feel like a bundle of nerves.

After I started (of course) I found out I was the last hire before the new NM started, in a unit that had been without a NM for over a year. The staff had apparently rallied together and had the old NM fired. So....right....

I had been there for 4 days before the first time I was pulled into the NM's office for my "conduct." What??? She had been told that I was taking personal calls (not a one), that I wasn't clocking in/out for breaks (nope), and all sorts of things....the kind of poor work ethic and behaviors that make me cringe when I see other people doing them. I haven't been officially reprimanded...yet....but I've been called into the office 4 times in 6 months.

I took it like a good girl, and immediately set to busting my orifice even more. My preceptor was totally behind me, but she's very soft-spoken and not a really "in your face," kind of person. So I was rather defending myself alone. I never, EVER anticipated the amount of butt-kissing this job would take. I feel like I'm on eggshells.

You think that everyone's there to help people, and be a team, and all that stuff you learn in school (and in life).....but it's just not that way where I'm working. I love my patients. I love their parents. I love the work I get to do everyday, and I feel really valuable. I just don't ever feel like I'm going to get ahead of the tattletales, be a part of their team (which is SO important in my department) or gain back ground with the NM....so I'm looking for a different job. The hit on my resume...the fact that there's not another department like mine in the city....the people I've met that I really like.....it just makes me sad.

Sorry for the hijack. I understand some of what you're going through, and I don't envy you. Stick close to your support outside of your job. Get lots of love from them while you do what's right for you.

[suzi-Q]

:yeahthat:Wow, did you hit the nail on the head, NREMT-P/RN, all the way around!

Thanks.

[Midwest4me]

She did it, because she's a tattletale and alot of management people like tattletales......that doesn't make what she said about you true....they just like to do this sort of stuff and management people sometimes like it.

If it were me, knowing what I know TODAY, and having had experience with this the past 28 years, I would leave if I were in your shoes. I would not stay there. You will always be in hot water, you'll never win. That nurse, has already got you off on the wrong foot with your NM and it will never end.

Of course, this is just my opinion, as I don't know all the details of your situation, but this is not good for this to be happening at the very beginning.

To not even give a new nurse some kind of encouragement and try to help them start off in a good light, is just beyond me.

I guess people like your preceptor would rather work short handed, as this kind of activity runs off nurses.

, I agree with the above.

[amesor]

It was so soooo sad... there are really people around with that kind of attitude...knowing we are in the healthcare industry and must work as a team...INSECurity!!!! that's the right term..it's true that what comes around goes around..Pray harder!! and look for another Job!! it's not worth it!!!Stress is too much to carry!!!You can even get sick!!God Bless!! amesor