Back after multi year hiatus and in monitoring

[SororAKS]

I left nursing in 2000 after diverting benzodiazepines. At the time I never intended to return. My license was suspended a few years later, for a term of three years.

That changed in 2013, and in 2014 I hired a few lawyers to facilitate the dealings with the BON and to get two felony convictions from this expunged. The expungements took place in 2014. They were for Theft of controlled substances.

I was required by the BON to get a substance abuse evaluation, a psychological evaluation, three months of successful completion in the ISNAP program for the State of IN, and monetary fines. Slowly but surely I got the evaluations done, paid the fines, and got enrolled in ISNAP. I just got my RMA contract signed, notarized and sent off. My license was also renewed.

It's odd to be doing all this and to be returning after all these years. It's even stranger to be given this huge list of things that can cause false positives on UDs. I went through treatment and went to a lot of meetings years ago, when I was on Probation for criminal convictions. I am required to attend AA or NA meetings now. I went to one yesterday, and it was very strange. I feel completely out of place. Alcohol was never my drug of choice. I've had plenty of time (15 years) to develop a problem with that if I was going to, and I haven't. Even my Addictionist agrees with me.

The frustration I feel is related to the "cookie cutter" approach that is used in these programs. I understand there's a risk of cross addiction. I didn't develop one. I stopped using benzodiazepines when I left 15 years ago and have been clean since.

I've turned my life completely around, gotten a second college degree, remained out of trouble and have significant clean time. It has taken a lot of courage to get to the point where I am now.

It just feels demeaning and unproductive to have to get rid of/not use things such as household products, hair color, benadryl, mouthwash, even hand sanitizer and perfume. Shall I throw away my shower soap too? Sheesh.

I also found out that on the OIG Exclusions list I am listed as having a felony conviction for Healthcare Fraud, which I never got. Whoever reports these things made a mistake. Yes I can come off the list after five years (it was put on there in 2003) but that's not the point.

I'm also making queries on the National Practitioner Database to see what's on there, and add my own statement if I find any incorrect entries.

Thanks for listening. Has anyone had experience with ISNAP here, or the IN BON?

[catsmeow1972, BSN, RN]

I staunchly refuse to submit to the ___ anonymous thing because my issue is a bipolar/ mental health thing. For some idiotic reason I am stipulated to go to the meetings even though I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't even smoke, but my state, probably like most works on a cookie cutter approach. Anyhow, I go to the meetings but sit in the back row and discreetly read. I do not identify with the folks there, who I am sure are very nice, I just don't click with, so I keep my trap shut. Anyway I digress. Based on what little I do know regarding the substance of choice.....anonymous thing, I'd like to know how any program can ask for any information regarding who your sponsor is and what work you have done with them. Does that not violate the sponsors anonymity? My contract self report just asks a yes or know regarding sponsorship, not who they are or how to contact them.

[debkj, BSN]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I am NOT sending a copy of my fourth step. Just workbook pages I've done over many years. Mainly I have been working the steps through basic, everyday issues (I'm a minister, church people are gossiping, coming in my house uninvited, crossing umpteen boundaries) and the steps have helped me work through a lot of that. My sponsor sent a letter stating I was working through the steps, but that wasn't good enough. They want "documentation of working the Steps." And my sponsors phone number- no problem, except the confidentiality, anonymity thing. At any rate, I've been reviewing BON minutes and it looks like 5 years probation is standard, regardless of reported clean-time. I suppose that is reasonable to protect the public. Glad we have a place like this to talk about these problems. Thank you all.

[SororAKS, ADN, RN]

Any time :) I am very grateful all of you are here too. We stand a lot better chance of sustaining our recovery, surviving the BON, completing monitoring, and getting back to nursing if we help each other.

Please keep us posted about your journey. I will do the same.

[jdub6]

Having completed my program (different state) I would say give as few details as possible. I personally would not submit workbook copies. Can you get people to sign off on your attendance at meetings instead? Myprogram was very good about respecting that aa/na etc value anonymity very highly and just required date, time meeting name and signature without full last name. Obviously that would make it easier to fake if you were so inclined. Personally, my sponsor who has been clean for over 20 years has a high level administrative job at a local hospital and I would never want to reveal her name to my programs medical reviewers and potentially "out" her at her job.

In any case, you will find that, much like the criminal justice system, these programs aren't always fair and complete honesty can hurt you. The truth will set you free, but give them the truth in as little detail as possible:) (as an example of how these systems aren't always fair, there have been studies suggesting that you can have a positive etg screen just from being around people using purell even if you don't touch it. While I've never heard of anyone having that problem with a monitoring program, you would think if there was doubt, since we are health care workers who are constantly exposed to people using purell, that they would allow for that. They don't.)

I would strongly advise you to wait and see what they ask for before submitting anything.

[CryssyD]

Just wanted to say, glad you're doing so well and starting this journey--the monitoring thing is frustrating and nerve-wracking, and I totally agree that it's a cookie cutter approach; I think it's a paper program for paper people, not real human individuals who have different histories and different needs. Nevertheless, it can be done--believe me; if I could get through it (I am a very stubborn, anti-authoritarian person who hates to feel coerced, about anything), anyone can do it!

Try not to stress too much about the list--I know it's pretty overwhelming, but you just have to accept that you can't put anything in your body without an OK from your case manager. Which is kind of ridiculous, since you're a full-grown professional, but what can you do about it? Nothing--it is what it is (serenity!). So... I had to give up chicken marsala, shrimp scampi made with wine (the only way to do it properly, I believe!), and lemon-poppy muffins (yummy!)--you'll probably have to give up some things you really like, too. I didn't appreciate it, but I had to sacrifice if I wanted to keep my license. In the end, it wasn't that much, really. (I also avoided hand sanitizer like the plague, but it only takes seconds to wash your hands--I got used to it.)

So glad you're back in nursing! Best of luck to you:)

[sallyrnrrt, ADN, RN]

I did and you can also