Attention nurse bullies... and victims!!

Nurses Relations

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Hello fellow nurses! One of my last projects for my RN-BSN program will be on lateral violence in nursing. I have a few questions for those who have been involved in bullying just so I can gain perspective.

Questions for the bullies (you know who you are and only the brave will answer...ha!):

What sets bullies off? Are you just angry people in general which carries over to your treatment of others? Do you realize it affects patient care? Tell me what drives you nuts at work. What is the most effective way someone has responded to you to get you to back off?

Questions for the victims:

Have you ever left a job because of bullying? How do you respond to bullying... ignore/confront? Does your facility have a way they deal with bullies? Have you noticed it directly affects the way you provide care for your patients?

NO JUDGEMENT HERE! Please be honest with your responses and maybe we can get a healthy dialogue going.

Thanks in advance!

Specializes in M/S, Pulmonary, Travel, Homecare, Psych..

I could have been referred to as a bully during my first five years in nursing. Some who know me real life tell me calling me that is a bit of a stretch. Introspection tells me otherwise.

I want to lead with: You seem to be working with a very limiting definition of what (and who) is a bully. The questions you ask lead me to believe you are only considering the loud, talk over you, addicted to anger types.

I was nothing like that. Never once got into a shouting match at work. I'm not one who raises their voice. Nor do I wag my finger at people or invade their personal space. My bullying was more along the lines of silent belittling. It's hard to explain. If you want to know what my specific bullying was like, read the article I wrote that talks about it: "Throwing the Rubik'so Cube at Nurse Burnout."

Onto your questions:

1. What sets bullies off?

This question CAN NOT be answered honestly. You must understand, bullies do not walk about thinking of themselves as such. Hence, a bully would never consider "What is triggering my bullying behaviors?".

You started the questions to bullies with "You know who you are". Ummmm, no. Nothing could be further from the truth. Bullies are rarely introspective to the level that allows for this understanding. They function in a veil of rationalizations, insecurities and self doubt that fogs their perceptions.

Having been the bully who sought to change, I believe I might have enough self awareness to give a truthful answer. And I can answer your question with one word: Life.

Life sets us off. We can't cope with it, we seek refuge in our inappropriate coping mechanisms (bullying).

It really is that simple.

2. Are you just angry people in general which carries over to your treatment of others?

At times, my bullying occurred when I was angry. Just as often though, there was no anger involved with the behavior. Again, thinking bullying is a street fight fueled by anger is limiting.

For me, it was insecurities. I felt as though, overnight, someone turned up the difficulty setting on this game called life. I entered nursing and went from novice to expert in a blink of the eyes. I did not know how to function anymore. So, my answer was to outscore everyone around me. I was unaware of how skewed my idea of "scoring high" was at the time though.

3. Do you realize it affects patient care?

Acutely aware. That's what drove me.

I won awards, was a manager favorite, scored top three in patient survey scores three quarters in a row and gave good nursing care. Administration was pushing me to get a higher degree so I could go into management.

But I had no tolerance for other nurses who weren't as competitive as I was. The way I dealt with them, or nurses just having a bad day is when I became a bully.

A saying I used to love when I was newer to nursing: "As nurses, we either walk on water or drown in it. Best to get out of the game early if you can't do it well."

Hmph, I don't say that anymore.

4. What drives you nuts at work?

As with most people (I imagine), the answer to this, for me, changes with how the wind is blowing.

Sometimes it's the exceptionally needy patients. Other tines it's not being able to find supplies. Might be the lazy UAP today, the arrogant administrator tommorow.

WHAT triggers bullying is rarely of any comsequence. How the person copes is.

Earlier in my nursing career everything set me off because I couldn't cope. Not so much now. What changed was my approach to things and how I coped. The annoyances are still there. They always will be.

5. What is the most effective way someone responded to you?

The majority of my co-workers had no response. That is because none was required.

They did keep their boundaries though. Sometimes they'd say to me that I was being a tad bit too much for them and they "Needed some space, to breath."

They seemed to get it that it was just my coping and they weren't going to change my mind. So they let me learn the errors of my ways the hard way. And they supported me when I did.

Mind you, as I said, they did have their limits as to how much was too much.

I have my own way of dealing with bullies. I treat them like a coyote. That's another story and this post is already too verbose.

1 Votes

I've been called a bully, so I'll answer as a bully. I've committed an act I consider really inappropriate - I grabbed her arm and I wouldn't let go immediately. I felt pushed to the edge - She would put bubbles in my IV lines, spread lies about my husband abusing me to staff and patients, and then I am fairly sure she called CPS on me. I lost my temper, grabbed her, and told her she had to resign from her job, or I would start returning favors.

I let go of her once I realized she genuinely was frightened. She should have been scared. I didn't set out to scare her. I set out to get her to stop her. Once you cross a line of hurting my family, we're done. There's no safety net for "victims."

THANK YOU, KatieMI, BSN, RN, for your reply! It's not allowing me to respond to you via PM because I'm new (I guess), but I wanted to say "WOW"... and thank you so much for sharing!

THANK YOU, AutumnApple, BSN, for your response and perspective! You're absolutely right: when I think of bullies, I tend to think of the loud-mouthed jerks. Apparently bullies/bullying behavior can take on many forms. Thank you for pointing that out!

Specializes in Med/Surg, LTACH, LTC, Home Health.

I know there are some bullies in nursing; I've just never met any. But I also believe that a lot of these allegations of nurse bullying stem from newer nurses who have not yet gained confidence in themselves professionally, and as such, may be confusing aggression with assertiveness.

THANK YOU, AllOfMyWat, for your reply! I know you answered as the "bully", but it certainly sounds like you were the one being bullied! I hope there was a happy ending to your story. Again, thanks!

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
THANK YOU, CelticGoddess, BSN, RN, for your response! It's interesting that bullies don't know/won't admit they're bullies. Lack of self-awareness seems to be an issue here. Definitely gained some perspective from these responses as I'm sure others will as well!

I think what CelticGoddess was getting across is that some people in their zeal to be victims, are actually the bullies themselves. So whenever you hear someone whining about "bullying" "lateral violence" and (gag me) "NETY", make sure you get as complete a story as you can. The culture of victimhood is alive and well.

Is anyone aware of a "BULLY TASK FORCE" or some sort of a committee that addresses this issue at their facilities? I read an article in a fairly recent issue of AJN about this and was curious to read different perspectives regarding task forces/committees.

Perception is reality.

No, it isn't. It is perception. Sometimes you need a change of perspective to get a view of the truth.

That being said, I was bullied by a nurse when I was a CNA. It wasn't any of this "she's so mean to me" whiny crap, either. She systematically set out to get me in trouble and set traps for me so I would get written up. Luckily, I am from a dysfunctional upbringing and know the signs. She was never successful.

I left the position within months and have not encountered any bullying since. Incivility in the workplace, yes. Lots of it. But that is something entirely different.

I have been called a bully by a new grad and by an ex. The new grad wanted me to kiss her boo-boos and take care of her patient for her. I wanted her to tell me what she thought she should do, listen to the rationale behind why she was wrong, look up what she should do, and then do it. I have to give her a hug every time I see her and tell her she's wonderful and amazing to get her to function. I finally referred her to a good therapist. Hopefully that will help.

The ex was just mad that I wouldn't compromise on multiple dating partners.

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
Is anyone aware of a "BULLY TASK FORCE" or some sort of a committee that addresses this issue at their facilities? I read an article in a fairly recent issue of AJN about this and was curious to read different perspectives regarding task forces/committees.

A task force? Of course. There's one for everything. A toxic work environment, where people are allowed to run roughshod over one another, is always a function of weak leadership. So instead of managers doing their job and promoting a culture of professionalism, they form a "task force". Doesn't surprise me that there are now bully task forces.

There are morale committees when it's management fostering poor morale. Shared Governance committees that aren't allowed to govern anything. After 35 years, I've been committeed and task forced to death. Hours and dollars wasted accomplishing nothing. Supposed to make people feel like they're part of something.

With a few egregious exceptions (read previous posts) we really don't need to be afraid of our peers. They can't discipline or fire you; they are not in charge of your schedule. A decent manager will not encourage petty tattling, but will want to know about serious performance or patient care issues. If your manager is not running a tight ship, you are going to have workplace issues.

Unless there is a "Hold Management Accountable" task force, you've got nothing.

1 Votes
Specializes in OR.

T he facility that I most recently left was a textbook toxic environment. The so-called Charge nurse, clinical coordinator or whatever title she held at any one given point was a loud, inappropriate, course individual. The place couldn't keep leadership if a life depended on it. Instead we had this person who sucked up to all the docs and administrators, trash talked other staff and i can't figure out what pull she had over people from the CNO on down. The overall environment was one of 4th grade sandbox behavior. Someone was always "on the outs" and she would turn the rest of the staff against that person. It was always someone that she perceived as a threat. When it came to be my turn, I think the threat she saw was that they were looking (again!) for a department director. She had her ASN while I had my BSN and a specialty certification and 10+ years of experience. So, at least on paper, i was more qualified. I think what she failed to realize is that if I wanted the director job, trust me, i'd have it already. I didn't want it. i am at a point in my career where I just want to go to work and come home.

i think bullies such as this person are in truth, very insecure people and the only way they know how to make themselves look/feel better is to torment someone else.

1 Votes

I worked in a clinic in which a group of 20 something nurses would wear pink scrubs on Wednesday, because of the movie "Mean Girls". I am here in my 40's thinking "Really???". I didn't really care until one day I gave a neulasta shot to a patient that did not get his chemo that week. Totally my fault. He was completely A&O, zero SE and never had a tx held. I had been working at another site all that week and did not know this. He never should have come in at all and should have been told that the day he has tx held, but I still own my part.

I felt terrible, promptly notified the MD, made an incident report and all was fine, until a month later when I received a letter stating that a co-worker made a complaint against my license for negligence. After several weeks of anxiety, tears and gastric upset I was cleared of any wrong doing, case was closed as an honest mistake.

Those girls knew I took responsibility and owned up, but they wanted me out because I didn't fit in with the younger group. Now, I just avoid that site and all is well now that I am working with grownups.

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