Any Single Moms, Out There With Some Advice

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Nov 1, 2004

I was fortunate enough to one, get grants...and two, live with my family till I was out of RN school! I didn't have to work as long as my grades were solid..and boy they were because most of my stressors (like working, babysitting...) were taken on by my wonderful mom and dad and brother! They alowed me to focus on it as much as I could! I will never be able to thank them enough!

As far as employers being cool about kids and family obligations..I would tend to say NO by my experience (others may differ). They don't have to...they need to staff, and most cases that is hard enough, so they really don't have much choice in the matter but to be rather hard nosed about call ins or people's personal schedules. Plus, as they see it...there are nurses that can take on what schedules they need, and one that is not flexible isn't worth their money, time and efforts to train (and they consider family as personal enjoyment not necessity at many places, yeah caring for my sick child is my idea of a day off to have fun...uhhhhgggggg!).

My work sang the praises of how willing they were to work with Nurses to provide a nice flexible schedule that balanced work and home when I signed on...2 years later I am still waiting...LOL!

But I made a great choice that I was lucky to get...I was able to sign on part-time. With a recent loss of one nurse though, I am doing basically 1 hour less than full time so they don't have to provide me with overtime or benifits of any type. Not very condusive for me choosing part-time to provide my child with a mom who is there for him (I am married now, and my father..bless his heart lives with me and my hubby...so now he is back to tending my son...and it kills me some days, but without the paycheck, we can't make it). But hopefully soon they will get another nurse in there so I can return to my part-time hours, and my other duties (I am doing strictly floor right now, and I have such a pile of paperwork stacking up waiting for me! EWWWW!).

Try to look for work/home friendly jobs, ask around, and ASK a nurse working there already what they really think about work/home and the managments stance. That may really help you to choose one with your ideas in mind. (I also ask about turn over and how long nurses work there...and that gives me a clue to how that facility is doing..and I ask other nurses out of the eyes of my interviewer so they can feel free to be honest).

hypnotic_nurse · Nov 1, 2004

My research jobs have all been family-friendly (I've had 4 different jobs in this field now in 15 years), even to the point of being able to bring children to work (depending on patient load that day and age of the children). With a little planning, my co-workers and I have been able to leave early, come in late, and reschedule patients when children were ill.

The difference with research is that about half of what you do is paperwork. The other half is patients, and unless it is a large research group with many nurses, you generally self-schedule. When my kids were small, I got in my 40 hours per week by working the occasional weekend or by working late or coming in early at times when I could. And there were years when I worked 32 hours a week so I could just plan on going home early (still did the same amount of work, just worked faster).

Plus my research jobs have been (mostly) daytime work, no holidays, and only the weekends I chose to work -- and through a university, 5 weeks vacation meant that the kids could be sick a lot and I could make still make it work. The important thing in most research jobs is that the work gets done, not which hours you do the work.

Although you do have to mesh your schedule with the MDs who are doing your studies, mostly it is just you and the patients; you are usually not relieving anyone so the time you actually walk in the door can be determined by when you set your first patient appointment.

Each time I took a new job, I let my employer know up front that my family came first...but that I also would make sure I got everything done. I haven't been turned down for a job yet, although I have turned down jobs which didn't FEEL like they would be able to work with me as much as I wanted. My employers have all been happy with me. Thank goodness, though, my kids are older now (one even moved out!!! Hurray!) and I don't have to juggle all the time. :)

While research may not be for you, I am sure that there are other non-hospital jobs which might work for you. For example, my mom worked at the health department for many years; it's 8-5, state based (so no weekends, holidays, and also more vacation than a normal job). Although she was not a single mom, dad worked long hours at a job which had an hour commute either way, so she did all the childcare stuff.

nursepearl · Nov 1, 2004

I am a single mommy of a 7 year-old boy, i have been single from day one. I have been working nights and it has worked out great! I work nights when my son is asleep and come home in time to take him to school....i just sleep while he is at school and i am up in time to pick him up. After i pick him up i help him with his homework until it is time for me to leave (if i am working again that night), if i am not working i am still able to sleep at my normal time of 11pm. I m lucky to have my mother who watches him while I am gone. I feel like I am home much more and my sons likes it too. I only work three nights a week.

Good luck to you!

:)

dream8 · Nov 1, 2004

I am a single mommy of a 7 year-old boy, i have been single from day one. I have been working nights and it has worked out great! I work nights when my son is asleep and come home in time to take him to school....i just sleep while he is at school and i am up in time to pick him up. After i pick him up i help him with his homework until it is time for me to leave (if i am working again that night), if i am not working i am still able to sleep at my normal time of 11pm. I m lucky to have my mother who watches him while I am gone. I feel like I am home much more and my sons likes it too. I only work three nights a week.
Good luck to you!
:)

Question who is there at night with your son? I wouldn't mind working nights but who will be home with the kids??

dream8 · Nov 1, 2004

Question who is there at night with your son? I wouldn't mind working nights but who will be home with the kids??

Oh I see, your mom is there. Wow,I wish. My mother lives far.

TLC RN · Nov 1, 2004

I am a single mom of a 5 year old and starting nursing school next May. Right now I am working as a nurse assistant. I work 12 hour shifts twice a week and I have my mom, brother and friend watch him depending on what day I work. He stays home with my mom or goes to spend the night with my brother or friend. During the week, he goes to school while I sleep and during the weekend, I have hims stay with the person watching him and get a good 4 hours sleep and then pick him up. Also, my mom is considering moving into my house while I go to school to help me with my son and my mortgage.

One good thing about working a 12 hour shift is you only work 3 days and that is full time. I worked sat and sun night and don't go back till this Friday night :)

Good luck, it totally can be done.

One other thing, when I started my job, the hospital gave me a list of places that offer discount child care and one was a woman that watches kids at night. Look for daycare centers/providers that watch kids at night.

lifeisbeautiful · Nov 3, 2004

I was just curious what you meant when you asked if 'hospitals are understanding to their employees with children'. I don't have kids so I never really thought about this. Thanks!

allnurses Guide · Nov 3, 2004

People in my department are supposed to rotate onto nights when needed, even though they usually work days, but many have kids and just can't, and are never scheduled for it. We use a lot of travelers to fill the holes. I am absolutely a night shifter, haven't willingly worked a day shift in 20 years, not to mention I get paid more!

My DH died when the kids were 6,9,and 12. My 12 yo had earned the childcare badge & first aid badge in Scouts (yeah, yeah, I'm the leader, but I knew what she could do from it!). They all stayed home together, for the first few months they all camped out in her bedroom together while I worked nights (2 12s a week). They had the dogs to guard them. I taped books, we read out loud a lot, so they would listen to my voice at bedtime. In their own time they moved back into thier own rooms at night. I am only 8 minutes away by car, on the 2 or 3 occasions I felt I needed to go home in the last 5 years, my coworkers had no problem with my getting there. Most stuff I could handle on the phone. Church and neighbors were always available to go over if needed. My next door neighbor got up in the night to go fix a fuse when the power went out.

Are there any colleges in your town? Have you considered providing R&B in return for a student being there at night, no other work or cash to change hands?

allnurses Guide · Nov 3, 2004

I also read about a trend where single moms are forming households together, if you have one or two kids, you both rent a place big enough for the families. Or if one owns a home but faces losing it for whatever reason, invites the other family to live in and pay rent. The women trade off childcare, arrange work schedules to complement each other, or one stays home (usually has some source of cash) while the other works, and they pool resources.

Have to really like and trust each other though. Might work out if 2 nurses worked opposite shifts with each other.

Nursesuzi · Nov 4, 2004

I decided to become a single mother the last half of nursing school. In August I took my first nursing job in L&D. I've been training day shift 4x/wk and will go to nights at the end of Nov. Day shift has been very difficult coordinated family to be there in the am and rides home in the pm. I was offered PMs but took nights simply because my kids need me. Only people who have good husbands should work PMs. Night shift works for my life right now. I'll be tired, but that's the breaks. My kids come first.

Being a single mom and nursing student/nurse boils down to setting your priorities. You need to give up a clean house and any free time for yourself. You need to put your kids first, school/work second and then any time left over is a bonus. If your kids go with their Dad on some weekends use your time wisely. Wake up early to get stuff done. Study at 400am before the kids wake up. Multitask like you never have before. Sort laundrey while you are listening to notes on tape. Do your homework while your kids do.

If you do have free time, do stuff that will help your stress level. Exercise, spend time with friends, do what ever you can to help you endure the rest of your busy life. Take vitamins, drink a lot of water.

I have minimal help from my kid's Dad. This past 6 months have been complicated by my own DAd being terminally ill. Stressful stuff right now. I decided to make an investment in my mental health and my first year of nursing and order an european aupair (I had some divorce settlement money). This person will help with the kids, do all the laundrey and stay with them at night. Costs about 240/wk. However, this isn't much less than daycare for two kids, and I have a "wife" at home. I tried having a single woman move in for free rent in exchange for childcare. Didn't work for me. She was a flake. However, if I did not have my divorce money, I would get a college student to come over and help in exchange for free rent. Just screen them like hell. It's hard to evict someone, even if they are not paying rent.

I think the bottom line is it is really hard to be a single mom and nurse. Nursing is a physically and mentally draining profession. You need to view nursing as a vocation; your calling, or you'll burn out very quickly. If you love nursing, go for it. I'm glad I did it. And if you ever are on the fence about what type of nursing to go into, L&D is very cool.

How do you do the long hours?? How do you work the nights? Do you have Babysitters, other family, please let us other single mothers know. Most of all how do you balance the hours, work, kids, and yourself without going crazy.

Another quick question are hospitals understanding to their employees with children. Give us some of your personal stories.

Thanks

TLC RN · Nov 4, 2004

I decided to make an investment in my mental health and my first year of nursing and order an european aupair (I had some divorce settlement money). This person will help with the kids, do all the laundrey and stay with them at night. Costs about 240/wk. However, this isn't much less than daycare for two kids, and I have a "wife" at home. I tried having a single woman move in for free rent in exchange for childcare. Didn't work for me. She was a flake. However, if I did not have my divorce money, I would get a college student to come over and help in exchange for free rent. Just screen them like hell. It's hard to evict someone, even if they are not paying rent.

With the Au Pair, did you have to pay a big fee up front too in addition to the weekly cost? Did you provide a car for them? Is it less per week with less children?

How did you find the single woman move in? I thought of doing this in the past, but am fearful of advertising in the newspaper.

I am