Any Nurses In Long Term Care Setting?

[dreamer0x]

Has anyone been in a situation where they get attached to a resident? I took care of this resident for 3 years I went above and beyond,  I’d get her her favorite books, and bring in her favorite snacks, she’d always come to me whenever she needed anything. She is very artsy she loved making crafts, drawings and when she was done she’d give them to me for everything that I do. When I’m not there she’d always ask about me. Whenever I’d walk in to work she’d be sitting right by my med cart ready to talk to me about her day. We were very close. and today I got a text from a coworker that she passed over night. . She was completely fine the day before and she told me she’d see me Friday which would’ve been today. I am heart broken I’ve known her for so long it hurts to know that she’s not going to be there. I was in tears when I got the text and just the feeling of me going in I don’t know. I’ve lost residents in the past but this one because I’ve known her for so long it just hits different ? I don’t know if I can continue with long term anymore it’s just too much it’s sad. 

[FashionablyL8, CNA, LPN]

Dreamer, I'm sorry that this loss is affecting you so much. You sound like a very caring nurse and as others have said, we really need nurses like you in LTC. I hope that this truly doesn't cause you to leave LTC nursing. 

I also hope that as time goes on, this loss will bother you less and instead you will feel peace that you shared good times and took such great care of this person.

There have been many residents that I've become really fond of and that hold a special place in my heart. That is both the best part of LTC and also the most difficult. We get to know our residents, their history and the lives they led- it's hard not to get attached to some of them.

I think that after being in this field for many years, we often tend to develop the ability to separate what we experience at work from our "real lives". IMO, we need to do that in order to withstand all that we see and feel at our jobs. When I am at work, I put my heart into it and do everything I can to make my residents lives as pleasant and meaningful as possible. However, when I leave work, I seem to leave my emotions at the door. I don't know how it happens but I'm glad that it does. 

I know it makes it harder to accept when someone is healthy enough to be enjoying life and suddenly dies. However, in comparison to so many who live long after quality of life is gone, I think that can be a blessing to the person who has passed. They did not have to suffer. It's just difficult for us because they are no longer in our world.

Dreamer, I hope that hearing from others who gave experienced this will help you. I'm sure you brought it this resident much joy and I hope that you can take some comfort in that.

[dreamer0x]

I know we shouldn’t get attached but I think part of the reason her death hit me hard was because  was during the pandemic we grew really close.  She was the only one of the few that survived of my long timers. The pandemic really had an affect on her she’d always vent to me on how she had no one and she would tell me  I was the only nurse that took the time to listen.  It was really hard after the outbreak the residents were isolated in the rooms all the time couldn’t see no one at that time we were really all they had. Dying is part of life, and we just have to accept it, and move on.  Anyways thank you all for the advice I feel so much better now.  ?

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

On 4/9/2022 at 10:13 AM, SmilingBluEyes said:

But they are not family.

They are not friends.

They are my patients.

At the end of the day this is all I can allow them to be.

Having worked LTC for 25 years I can say with some confidence in many cases we are their family, we are their friend.  For whatever reason not every LTC resident has a supportive or even present family. For those residents especially the staff and fellow residents becomes their friend and family, they have nobody else.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

I was told, at my last LTC job, that I talked with the patients too much; the DON said my job was to pass meds, PERIOD! Pretty cold, I think. 

[FashionablyL8, CNA, LPN]

No Stars In My Eyes, that is really cold! I would have taken offense to that. We are more than med dispensers and our residents deserve to be conversed with.

[SmilingBluEyes]

On 4/16/2022 at 8:53 AM, kbrn2002 said:

Having worked LTC for 25 years I can say with some confidence in many cases we are their family, we are their friend.  For whatever reason not every LTC resident has a supportive or even present family. For those residents especially the staff and fellow residents becomes their friend and family, they have nobody else.

I hear you. I have worked LTC and I discovered something:   a lot of them burnt their bridges a LONG time ago with family who may  have been there if they had been kind to them when they were younger.

Not everyone who is alone in LTC has mean, cruel family who don't care.

Some of us were so horribly abused we can't bring ourselves to go through the pain of visiting them. I wish NO harm on my parents, but they don't get to continue to gaslight and harm me in their older years. Not every sweet LOL in the LTC was always so sweet.......or is to the people in their lives.

I tried to treat all residents like family but I remembered at the end of the day they were not. It's how I kept my sanity with so much death in LTC.

JMO anyhow.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

12 hours ago, SmilingBluEyes said:

I hear you. I have worked LTC and I discovered something:   a lot of them burnt their bridges a LONG time ago with family who may  have been there if they had been kind to them when they were younger.

Not everyone who is alone in LTC has mean, cruel family who don't care.

Some of us were so horribly abused we can't bring ourselves to go through the pain of visiting them. I wish NO harm on my parents, but they don't get to continue to gaslight and harm me in their older years. Not every sweet LOL in the LTC was always so sweet.......or is to the people in their lives.

I tried to treat all residents like family but I remembered at the end of the day they were not. It's how I kept my sanity with so much death in LTC.

JMO anyhow.

You're not wrong. One case that sticks with me was a gentleman whose family never visited until he was on his death bed. Then the whole family sat vigil, one of them said they were sitting there  until the SOB was really dead.  Turns out he had been very abusive to his family.

Despite cases like this though, or maybe especially in cases like this the LTC staff  provides that human connection that everybody needs.