An abusive nurse husband

pagandeva2000, LPN · May 30, 2009

Personally? I would be hesitant to report someone to the BON who has a temper like that. She may end up putting herself in further danger if she were to do something that would compromise someones job or income. If she already left him and she is no longer being abused, I don't think that it should be an issue. BUT, if she were to have knowledge of him abusing patients in the same manner, then I would definately report it.
She knows him best. She would know whether or not this would endanger her further. Sometimes things are best left alone so long as she has gotten away from him.
I don't know what I would do in that particular situation. She has to do whatever she needs to do to ensure her safety first and foremost.

I would be, also. It is one thing to want to get away from this person...that should be the first and foremost reaction. But, to be personally linked to having him lose his bread and butter?? While I can say that this person's character would probably bleed into patient care, we cannot be sure. And, if she is personally responsible for having him lose his job gives him more time to be angry because he is not working, more time to plan and stalk her and he would blame her for the demise of his career.

Like others said, if he is guilty of ANY crime, it would reach them, anyhow (we hope). I would not advise it, I would focus more on leaving him and finding a safe haven for myself.

pagandeva2000, LPN · May 30, 2009

Cherybaby,
No one is suggesting she report him to the BON. We are encouraging this lady to protect herself under the law. If she has evidence of severe physical abuse then she is entitled to file charges, if he is convicted, the BON must evaluate and proceed under their state rules. Yes, it is a big step, and it is one that needs to be taken with care and consideration, but too many abusers are able to repeat their abuse because no one reports it or the police do not take it seriously enough. I am not one to court danger, but I do and will protect myself. If I had an abusive spouse I hope I would report the abuse, file charges, change my pattern of daily living, and carry protection on my person when I was walking anywhere out of the employment setting. Maybe even on the job if security was too lax there. I am just too tired of seeing mean, abusive men hurt their wives and children and get off scot free.

I don't think that Cherybaby was implying that the woman in question should not protect herself under the law; I just think that making a concentrated effort to report him to the BON alone is not focusing on removing herself to safety. In fact, it may anger him even further. I don't think I would want to concern myself with whether he is working or not at the moment, I would want to get out of the line of fire by reporting and getting advise on how to keep myself and family safe. I, too, am disgusted with abusive people (men and women). Their patterns usually show that they will find any excuse to place their misfortunes on the victim and adding to that can make it more volatile.

Cherybaby · May 30, 2009

"Their patterns usually show that they will find any excuse to place their misfortunes on the victim and adding to that can make it more volatile."

Thank you, Pagandeva, for clarifying my position. Safety always is the priority in abusive relationships.

elkpark · May 30, 2009

I agree the best course of action is to pursue the available legal remedies (criminal charges, restraining order, etc.), and, in due time, this will come to the attention of the BON through that route, without the woman having to be directly involved.

scared'o'needles! · May 30, 2009

Another thing to think about is also wether she has dependants, will the loss of his registration mean it will impact on his ability to contribute to the childrens upbringing. How would that affect her circumstances.