I am in nursing school by the way and I am not enjoying it, a large percentage of the girls are very ******. I've never seen girls behave this bad. Even my instructor is mean and it's mainly the less physically attractive students that behave like this too. It's like they need an excuse to feel better about themselves and No I am not perfect but I am pretty attractive.
I only talk to my friends who seem to be getting along fine with the other girls and yes I am one of the youngest. It seems as if most of the girls in the class hate me for no reason and many are blatantly rude. I grew up in a household where it was impolite to talk back so I tend to be very reserved but reservation is not helping. I also sense a feeling of resentment towards me from the instructor, just from her tone of voice and the way she raises it when she speaks to me.
My previous instructor had once said "you can't be afraid in nursing, you have to be ballsy" she didn't say it directly to me but I have been thinking about it ever since. I think I might have to get snappy with these girls and correct them when they make inappropriate comments (which I will have to learn how to do). One time I made a nice comment about a student and she quickly said "don't call my name" and I just stayed quite but they continue to make these rude comment even when I am not talking them.
I never imagined being a snippy nurse because I assumed they were suppose to be quiet and nice. After observing the nurses who teach at my school, I realized that this is far from the truth and many seem unhappy and overworked, which would explain why they give so much homework. I am wondering if I should make a 360 degree turn with my personally, I am usually a fun and happy person who tries to see the best in things no matter what but I am wondering if I might have to change. I really like studying nursing but I am not liking the other students and they will become my future coworkers, I have to know how to deal with this.
I'm in my last semester so I don't know if I should just let it go but I don't want to be remembered as the simp of the class.
How your class will remember you is in my opinion not that important. First of all, the way that you believe that your class perceives you may not even be how they actually perceive you. Other people rarely think about us as much as we might think they do, and what they think of us doesn't always correlate with our own "inner monologue". I honestly think that it's more important what you think of yourself.
I seem to keep it bottled up all the time and when the time comes for me to let it out, I just get stuck. I don't know if it's fear but the words just won't come out. I forget everything I planned on saying and my heart starts beating really fast. I often get angry about how they treat me when I am alone but do nothing later on.
I thought I left it behind in last semester but I was wrong. When I'm alone, I become furious about this, I haven't been this upset in a long time.
I think you need to practise standing up for yourself. I understand that it's not easy and might be daunting at first, but I guarantee that it becomes easier with practise. You need to do this for your sake. If you have a friend or family member you trust you could perhaps practise with her/him. Just create simple scenarios where you can practise being more assertive. The goal is not to become "snippy". The world doesn't need one more of those people The goal is to learn how to be calm and firm and to stand your ground. I think it's important for your (and for everyone else's too of course) self-respect to feel respected by others.
One girl in particular will use her butt and bounce me away when we are all standing a line and get right in front of me and I told her I don't like that, I said "I think that is aggression and I don't like it" she laughs and then says it's a joke and continues to stand right in front of me.
Is this something this young woman does in a good-natured horse play type of way to several other people, apart from yourself? Or is she singling you out for this treatment? Her behavior could be just silly games or it could be done maliciously. It's hard for me to tell when not having witnessed it "live", but what is clear to me is that whatever her motivation is, you don't appreciate it. Therefore she ought to stop doing it. Since you have already told her you don't appreciate it, if she continues to do it, she is kind of running roughshod all over you.
One factor worth considering is that with only this last semester remaining before you no longer have to spend time with this crowd, is it worth spending your time and energy on them? I assume that you have finals etc. coming up and that school work will keep you busy?
If you do decide to deal with it, (if this is something she does on a recurring basis), you need to be calm and clear. An "explosion of verbal diarrhea" will likely not garner much respect. I don't know if this works for you, but if it were me I would look her calmly into her eyes and say; "Susie Hipbump, if you want to stand ahead of me in line, what you need to do is show up before I do. Since today I actually showed up before you, I will now retake my place in line". Then I'd just hold her gaze for one or two more seconds to let what I said register, and then simply take the two steps or whatever necessary, to once again move ahead of her.
One final piece of advice. You need to let go of the notion that people target you because of your age and/or looks. You're not the first poster who has come here expressing the theory that older or less attractive (whatever that is, since it's very much in the eye of the beholder), nurses somehow resent the young and pretty ones. Not only is it not accurate on any significant scale, but it is also a surefire method to irk the heck out of some of the regular posters. It doesn't bother me personally, but I don't think there's anything to be gained by promulgating a phenomenon which is nothing more than a misconception. Another drawback with the "pretty theory" is that it makes the person uttering it sound rather full of herself. I'm assuming that's not what you were aiming for? So unless you aim to annoy peeps, it's best to discard the "pretty" theory (STAT :))
I hate to tell you this but if you put this much thought in to a job it's probably going to suck. Either lighten up or find a new job. I honestly hate my job but it's just a job. I need it to make money. So either learn how to work with the people around you or move on. It's as easy as that.
I understand how people can misinterpret this, but I also understand you are just being honest, you are stressed by the program and on top of that your peers and the instructors that are supposed to give you guidance seem like they're attacking you. If it is as bad as you stated, I'm sorry and you need to keep your head up. It won't last forever. Just try to channel your energies into studying and if other students don't want to get along with you, you don't need to engage them at all. Unless it's necessary of course.
Please don't let other people here or in your program discourage you if nursing is what you chose/want to do.
OP has only written about her classmates and instructors. She has in fact not posted a single negative thing about any one individual poster on this forum, but she has received several replies with a caustic undertone specifically directed at her post. She hasn't taken the bait, coming back and posting a tirade about how we're all bitter nurses and how she wouldn't ever want any of us to ever be her nurses. That's behavior we've all seen in the past from first-time posters who we might suspect came here with the intent to "stir the pot". So until/unless she does that, why not give her the benefit of doubt?
There were some parts in the original post that could be considered slightly cringeworthy and where I happened to think she was mistaken in her assumptions, and I tried to point that out to her. Whether she thinks my or any other advice she's received is sound, is up to her to judge.
OP has only written about her classmates and instructors. She has in fact not posted a single negative thing about any one individual poster on this forum, but she has received several replies with a caustic undertone specifically directed at her post. She hasn't taken the bait, coming back and posting a tirade about how we're all bitter nurses and how she wouldn't ever want any of us to ever be her nurses. That's behavior we've all seen in the past from first-time posters who we might suspect came here with the intent to "stir the pot". So until/unless she does that, why not give her the benefit of doubt?
There were some parts in the original post that could be considered slightly cringeworthy and where I happened to think she was mistaken in her assumptions, and I tried to point that out to her. Whether she thinks my or any other advice she's received is sound, is up to her to judge.
I've always thought, and this post reinforces my opinion, that you are a very good person. Your ability to give the benefit of doubts exceeds my own in this case but I wanted to take just a minute to praise this in you, in case she DOES deserve that. :)
Specializes in Psychiatry, Community, Nurse Manager, hospice.
You are paying attention to the wrong thing right now. You are not liking your fellow students and your instructor, but this does not mean you will not like nursing. Focus on learning pathophysiology, the nursing process, whatever you are learning in school right now.
Let it be okay that you don't care for your fellow students right now. You have friends, and you like them. That is enough. You don't need to be snippy to be a nurse. Be yourself. Nursing is a skill set and a process, not a personality.
You may be coming off as snobby. Often shy and reserved people do come off this way. Don't worry about it and don't think you have to be rude or snippy to solve the problem. Just spend time with people who appreciate you for who you are, and focus on learning while you are at school.
I'm naturally shy and reserved, but I do come alive when I start engaging and sharing. You have to force yourself to turn on a different part of you personality that you may normally save for when your more comfortable with someone or a situation. I've had people tell me they thought I might be mean or not interested because I didn't say much. I think you should try to socialize a little more and get to know folks. There is plenty to talk about and bond over!
And I don't mean mean girls, snippy, superiority BS.
I make it a point to always introduce myself and get to know everyone I'm with. And if your not already, makes sure you give your patients the same friendly,outgoing attitude. There is nothing worse than a cold health care provider.
Dear Amber, I joined allnurses just to answer your questions. I feel sorry for you to be experiencing bullying in nursing school - and that's what it is. Men and women with the behaviors you describe are not desirable as nurses. These are the kind of people who make nursing a living hell for all of us. Nursing is historically a women's profession, and women are known to mistreat each other in the workplace. Ever hear the phrase, "Nurses eat their young?" Well, it's a known phrase for a reason. Also, many students only pursue nursing because it is one of those top fields where finding a job with good pay is just about guaranteed - not because they want to comfort and care for the sick, the dying, and their families. Some of these people should never get NEAR a sick person! Unfortunately, not all schools weed such students out like they used to. But listen, we NEED kind, compassionate, sensitive women like you in nursing. Don't quit, not if you love the profession. You've got to toughen up, ignore the bullies, study hard, work hard, and do your best. By the way, there IS a lot of homework in nursing school! Your teachers likes/dislikes/happiness or personalities have NOTHING to do with it! You also need to report your bad experiences to the Director of your Nursing program. Name names. Report those teachers who belittle you. Tell the program Director that your complaints will be included in your formal evaluation of the program. All schools want to fill their classrooms, no program wants a reputation for filling their program with the type of students and teachers as you describe. It truly sounds like a low-end program, someplace that's willing to take ANYONE to fill their classrooms. Consider changing programs if possible. I'd advise careful interviewing of potential program directors, campus visits, classroom visits, and interaction with other students before you make your decision next time. Good Luck to you! Keep true to your character, it sounds like your parents raised you well! Fortunately, Nursing gives you a huge range of options in the work place. Keep job hunting until you find your niche, the place and people that are a good fit for you. It's out there!
Thank you guys so much for replying, I appreciate almost every single reply except the one that says "I should probably make myself uglier".
Which is exactly what I feared, I was wondering if this is what all nurses do to quell bullies. Why should I make myself worse to make someone happy?? That is unfair to me and I would never succeed in life. I understand allowing them to see that I am a human being with imperfections but I don't think I should make myself uglier. That was the direction I was going in a couple weeks ago but I felt it was unfair. Funny thing is, it's gotten a lot better, it's calmer in side the class and we are more use to this instructors teaching style. However, I know at some point in time I will be dealing with this again whether I am working or at another nursing program. I'm in lpn school by the way but I plan to become an RN. I know I will have to tackle this when it comes back up again. Essentially, I didn't deal with this the way how I wanted but the situation kind of calmed itself and I've forgotten about it. I'm sure one the girls will go through a stressful day and they will be looking for someone will start acting out of control again.
Sounds like those girls are just being clickish (sp?). They're struggling so they want someone to pick on to make themselves feel better. They're just being bullies to put it bluntly. Anyway, don't let them determine if you'll like nursing or not. Do you like the skills, clinicals, dealing with patients, and the job itself? There are so many different types of nursing (as we all know lol) so don't get side tracked by those girls, stay focused on the actual course work/future career. Nurses usually have a sister/brotherhood mentality. Usually they look after their own. Of course, there are always those odd balls that are hateful, ladder climbing douche bags that will throw anyone under the bus to make themselves look better that usually everyone hates but they are the exception not the average. Point I'm trying to make is: look past school. Can you see yourself doing the job 5 years from now? Have you been on clinicals yet to see what it could be like?
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macawake, MSN
2,141 Posts
You're welcome :)
How your class will remember you is in my opinion not that important. First of all, the way that you believe that your class perceives you may not even be how they actually perceive you. Other people rarely think about us as much as we might think they do, and what they think of us doesn't always correlate with our own "inner monologue". I honestly think that it's more important what you think of yourself.
I think you need to practise standing up for yourself. I understand that it's not easy and might be daunting at first, but I guarantee that it becomes easier with practise. You need to do this for your sake. If you have a friend or family member you trust you could perhaps practise with her/him. Just create simple scenarios where you can practise being more assertive. The goal is not to become "snippy". The world doesn't need one more of those people
The goal is to learn how to be calm and firm and to stand your ground. I think it's important for your (and for everyone else's too of course) self-respect to feel respected by others.
Is this something this young woman does in a good-natured horse play type of way to several other people, apart from yourself? Or is she singling you out for this treatment? Her behavior could be just silly games or it could be done maliciously. It's hard for me to tell when not having witnessed it "live", but what is clear to me is that whatever her motivation is, you don't appreciate it. Therefore she ought to stop doing it. Since you have already told her you don't appreciate it, if she continues to do it, she is kind of running roughshod all over you.
One factor worth considering is that with only this last semester remaining before you no longer have to spend time with this crowd, is it worth spending your time and energy on them? I assume that you have finals etc. coming up and that school work will keep you busy?
If you do decide to deal with it, (if this is something she does on a recurring basis), you need to be calm and clear. An "explosion of verbal diarrhea" will likely not garner much respect. I don't know if this works for you, but if it were me I would look her calmly into her eyes and say; "Susie Hipbump, if you want to stand ahead of me in line, what you need to do is show up before I do. Since today I actually showed up before you, I will now retake my place in line". Then I'd just hold her gaze for one or two more seconds to let what I said register, and then simply take the two steps or whatever necessary, to once again move ahead of her.
One final piece of advice. You need to let go of the notion that people target you because of your age and/or looks. You're not the first poster who has come here expressing the theory that older or less attractive (whatever that is, since it's very much in the eye of the beholder), nurses somehow resent the young and pretty ones. Not only is it not accurate on any significant scale, but it is also a surefire method to irk the heck out of some of the regular posters. It doesn't bother me personally, but I don't think there's anything to be gained by promulgating a phenomenon which is nothing more than a misconception. Another drawback with the "pretty theory" is that it makes the person uttering it sound rather full of herself. I'm assuming that's not what you were aiming for? So unless you aim to annoy peeps, it's best to discard the "pretty" theory (STAT :))
Best wishes!