alot of questions about how to handle the death of a resident

NeosynephRN · Apr 16, 2009

Here is my advice. You need to look at death in a different way. It is not wrong to be sad, or grieve for someone that has passes away.

It is not a horrible thing to die, it is a wonderful thing. You are in a LTC setting and your patients for the most part are elderly, imagine the life they have had, all the happiness, the joy, the saddness. The weddings, the births, the graduations, the deaths. They have lived and they are ready to go home. To be with the ones they have loved that have gone before them, to be free from pain and sadness. To hold their children to kiss their parents, to dance again that first dance with thier husband or wife.

It is a honor to care for someone in thier dying moments, it is OK to cry for them, but remember it is not a horrible thing...

Couture85 · Apr 16, 2009

Wow, what an awesome perspective! Thanks for sharing that!

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Apr 16, 2009

I worked in LTC as a CNA from the time I was 16 until I became an RN, so for 5 years. It is definitely hard to deal with the death, especially at first (not saying it gets "easy," but you learn how to better cope). I have always looked at it as an honor to be the one who was there for them, to give them the best, most dignified care that I could at the time that it meant the most. To make the process as comfortable for them as possible. It's inevitable, that we know. How we help them through it is what makes the difference. Take those few extra minutes, keep those linens fresh, their mouth moistened, all of those little things. Hold their hand. Say goodnight. If you (and they) are spiritual people, say a little prayer with them (even if they are no longer seemingly aware). To me, it was those things that made the difference both in how I handled it, and I can only hope in how it made their journey as well.

I was off of work the last 2 months due to an injury, and my first night back was last night. I work on a med surg floor now, and while we have "comfort measure" patients from time to time, it's not too often. My assignment included a patient who was STILL there from before I started my leave (our patients rarely stay more than a few days), although now he is close to death. He's been through a lot. I took a little extra time to sit with him. Cleaned his eyes up (they were a little gunky), did some good mouth care, gave him clean pillow cases. He was still a bit alert, so I talked to him a bit and held his hand. His demeaner was infinitely more peaceful when I said goodbye for the night. I hope that my taking the time helped him. I am humbled to be the one that can give these last cares to him. For me, that is what makes it easier to cope when they leave us for good.

You sound like you're doing what you were meant to do. Keep it up.

Zana2 · Apr 16, 2009

Look, you should have been debriefed. Someone should have talked to you about how you feel, offer support and listen. Colleagues, boss, etc.

For myself, after the initial shock and anger and tears, I realised that I wasn't comfortable with death, I didn't understand it, haven't thought about it enough etc. If you think about it, it brings uncomfortable questions, there's a lot of unknown, questions forever unanswered, it's a mess.

Gave it a lot of thought though, and analysed how I feel about death, put it in the social context, in my social context, what my role is now, what do I know, what I'll never know, what I can do and where I am off limits.

I'm not desensitised, but my OH recoils in horror every time I tell him: if it comes to it, just let me go, I'm fine with death, no, really, it's fine, just let me go. He won't answer what would he like me to do, and i have no idea what he wants, it's not a subject he can talk about.

Just food for thought.

LesMonsterRN, ADN, RN · Apr 16, 2009

It does hurt when a resident you've become attached to dies, but sometimes it doesn't. Seeing someone you love leave their pain and misery behind is often such a peaceful feeling. We still grieve, but I'll tell you from my own experience - there have been times that it almost feels celebratory. At any rate, this is my own perspective and how I've learned to cope over the years. I have lost many residents over the last 18 years (quite a few I was very close to just recently) and I remember how hard it was for a long time after I began in LTC, but eventually I learned how to grieve and remember in healthy, healing ways. Don't be afraid to show your heart and love for these folks; sometimes you're all they have.

kmarie724 · Apr 16, 2009

I agree with what alot of the PPs have said. It is hard to see a resident you like and care for die. But I try to take comfort in the fact that they lived a long life and it was their time to go. I also think about how lucky I am to have been able to provide them with the care they needed at a vulnurable time in their life. Remeber that death is a part of life. I think many residents are more than ready to go when their time comes.

owenlevi2 · Apr 17, 2009

Thank you guys so much for your support.. It's definitely been tough.. but I'm starting to try and look at it differently.. I mean it still doesn't help the fact that they are no longer here.. but she's in a better place. I am only 16 so death has always been a wierd thing for me.. and I don't ever want to become cold to it.. but I do believe that with time and a different perspective it will become slightly easier to deal with.. It's just hard to become attatched to the residents when you know they are going to die..

once again thank you guys for all your help.. all your replies have helped me look at this differently