Alcoholic Mother--Need Professional Advice

Nurses General Nursing

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I'd like a little bit of advice from anyone who works with alcoholic patients or has an alcoholic family member. Mom is 64, active alcoholic for 25+ years. She has cirrhosis, ascites, a-fib, severe jaundice. Has not been diagnosed with pancreatitis, but I have my suspicions. Has had a heart attack in the past and never knew it.

She is getting more and more confused. Her meds were a mess. I spent an hour on the phone last week helping her get them all organized (take what pill when, etc.). Today she told me she's been dizzy for a few days and now has chest pain midsternal and straight through to her back. Shortness of breath. Hadn't been taking her meds. Convinced her to call the ambulance (I live in PA, she's in FL). When they got there, she had them check her vitals and they told her she wasn't in a-fib. She didn't even remember calling EMS--she thought either me or my sister had!! The one paramedic told her she was wasting their time and money by calling, and that she should have just gone to a walk-in clinic. I am furious about that!!!

My sister stopped by my mom's and then called me. She talked with my mom, and basically my mom is just sick of living like this and is accelerating her drinking so she can speed up the process and die. She has wanted to die since my dad passed away 25 years ago.

I know my sis and I can't stop her from drinking. Even if she did quit at this stage, she'd be very sick for the rest of her life. We are starting to try to look at this as if it were a terminal disease, like cancer, etc. Are we terrible people for not having her committed, 302'd, whatever? We HAVE been through all the interventions, the rehabs, being the supportive daughters, the watchdogs, etc. My sister cried on the phone today. She NEVER cries. This is taking it's toll, especially on her because she sees mom often and feels so helpless. We love our mom, but it's like we just want this over with already, because we know that the end result will be her death anyway.

She's not who she was. Her mind is going, she's started falling recently. Sorry for the long vent, but I'm going crazy. Of course, next week is finals week too, so all this REALLY helps!

I come from a family of alcoholics: my mother, her mother & father, my great-grandfather, & I have an aunt who was headed down that path, but to my knowledge, she has cleaned herself up...somewhat.

I can remember being 5-6 years old, & seeing my grandmother being wheeled out of our house on a stretcher after one of her drinking binges.

My mother started drinking at age 28. Now, she pretty much drinks every night after work, & starts early on her off days. She doesn't think she's an alcoholic because she can still make it to work, etc.

Personally, I can't stand the taste of alcohol or dealing with drunk people.

When my mom first started drinking, I liked it (isn't that sick) because she was REALLY nice (she usually was a hard-a** on us when she was sober). Then her behavior became really embarrassing: incontinence; falling down; calling people at all times of the night, & I'd have to apologize for her; attempting to drive; passing out in a field after a party, & being carried home by 4 men, who could have done who knows what with/to her; & the list goes on.

Sorry I have no advice for you, only to share my story. I know all to well what it is like to have this addiction affect someone that you really care about.

My mom is averse to any sort of rehab because she does not think she is an alcoholic, simply because she is able to function in everyday life. My grandmother has been in-and-out of rehab facilities, & once she was sober for roughly one month, then she started drinking again. Good luck to you with getting help for your mom.

My sister called this morning. Apparently last night my mom went into V-Fib. The report we got was that she had stopped breathing suddenly and they pounded on her chest and got her back (?). My mom woke up to them pounding on her chest and said there were 8 people in her room. This is all third-hand information. They said she almost coded.

I know V-fib is a very bad thing. Ironically, V-fib is what killed my dad at age 43. From what I can gather online, you either do CPR, defibrillation, or the patient dies. I'm assuming the "pounding on her chest" she was talking about was them doing CPR????

So begins another loooonnnnggg day. Well, at least I got a really good night's sleep last night.

I'm assuming the "pounding on her chest" she was talking about was them doing CPR????

It's called a precordial "thump". Its used to covert the person back into NSR. Its used sometimes while you are waiting for a defibrilator. I'm sorry about your situation. I can't imagine. :o

Sad to see how many peoples' lives are affected by alcoholism. My dad has been one for decade, and my brother started early. I remember my brother, 17 at the time, going to AA meetings with my dad.

I know this may sound selfish but after a while, you have to realize you can't do anything else. You can't help someone that has no desire to help themselves, right? ALANON a great idea, I'm thinking about taking a friend who is going through some stuff with her mom.

God bless you and your sister for having the courage and patience to deal with this. I'm sorry this has happened, especially given the circumstances in which she started drinking.

Best of luck to you.

I'm sitting here a little teary reading this. My dad battled alcoholism for 40 years? He lost last month.

Please don't feel guilty. As far as making them get help for thier medical problems or drinking. You can't. Plain and simple. Dad was sober for almost 2 years. I'd love to know what made him take that first drink again, but I will never know. My mom goes to Alanon still and says it is a big help.

Maybe now that your mom is in the hospital, someone will explain some options to her. Please have them help her with a living will.

My mother used to drink/drug herself into a stupor and tried half hearted suicide attempts...I'd find her when I was a child, carving at her wrists. I got to the point I wanted to scream at her 'If you want to kill yourself, do us all a favor...just do it right... so WE can move on'. Then of course I felt terrible for those feelings...the children of self destructive addicts live in a world of pain and guilt.

Its gutwrenching watching someone you love self destruct. Sounds like she's to the point where you can soon consider going before a judge, declare her incompetent, and find a placement for her.

Please go to Alanon meetings for support, and find a counselor you can talk to who can also advise you of your options with your mother.

(((HUGS)))

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