Affirmative action for single mothers?

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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Like most places, the competition to get into nursing programs is huge where I live. I met a woman in one of my classes who told me she has been accepted at the community college, and the U of --. Problem is, the wait list here for the CC is up to 3 years. She told me how she got into the U of --. She said to me, you have to have something special about yourself. I asked her, what do you mean? So she said "I got in because I'm a single mother." So I said to her, "I bet you have a really good GPA. I know the average GPA for those accepted is 3.7. Maybe you are underestimating how much you impressed the interviewers." She looks at me and rolls her eyes and says "My GPA isn't near that. They let me in because I'm a single mother." How do you know that I asked. She says "the professors both told me that I was being admitted expressly because I'm a single mother which makes life harder for me."

Excuse me? I have to admit this pisses me off! I used both the pill and a condom when I was out there to be careful...and she gets in because she's a single, never married mother? I can see if she got in on her own merits, then they chose to give her a full waiver on tuition to compensate for the difficulty of being a single mother. That sounds reasonable to me. But to admit her because of this?! Oh, and she's now pregnant again with #3. She's 22 years old. Never married. I am not trying to make judgments on those who have never been married and are single mothers. I just don't think you should get admitted to a nursing program because of it! Am I in left field here? What do you all think.

You don't get accepted into nursing JUST for being a single mom. It may have added half a point to her admittance score but there are a ton of things that add points for different schools. I'm a single mom (married to the father of my first son, does that make it better? :uhoh3: ) of two boys. If I can use that as an advantage to get it, you bet I will.

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Also, just because you can get a 4.0, doesn't mean you will be a good nurse and I think the advisors here take that into consideration as well.

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.

:smackingf :smackingf

I was just so surprised by this student, I was venting. (Note to self, vent in your journal, not on the Internet.) This topic is too touchy and painful because we have so many hopes and expectations for getting into nursing programs. So to see someone get in for reasons not entirely based on academic achievement is a radio-active topic. And I don't know all the facts of this story, and I never will. Can this topic be locked? I can see this breaking into an AA flame war which was not my intent.

edited: I also can see if some single mothers reading this would feel uncomfortable. I don't want that. I just didn't (and still don't) think parenthood/marriage status should be a deciding factor when admitting someone or not, in such highly competitive programs.

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Hello multi,

I understand your frustration about the whole selection process. Yes, the program is very competitive and sometimes things in life may seem unfair. I hope you feel a little better by venting and although I am a minority and was one time a single mother, I let my accomplishments and personable skills stand on their own. It's not a matter of if you will get into the program but, when. Who's to say what will become of the other student, whether or not she will succeed or continue, but you can continue to strive to be your personal best and reach beyond your potential. When you're a nurse, continue forward and I'm sure you will be rewarded in the end for the many sacrifices and hard work. Good luck to you and it really is ok to vent, just remember to move ahead.

brightmoon

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.
Hello multi,

I understand your frustration about the whole selection process. Yes, the program is very competitive and sometimes things in life may seem unfair. I hope you feel a little better by venting and although I am a minority and was one time a single mother, I let my accomplishments and personable skills stand on their own. It's not a matter of if you will get into the program but, when. Who's to say what will become of the other student, whether or not she will succeed or continue, but you can continue to strive to be your personal best and reach beyond your potential. When you're a nurse, continue forward and I'm sure you will be rewarded in the end for the many sacrifices and hard work. Good luck to you and it really is ok to vent, just remember to move ahead.

brightmoon

Thank you for that excellent advice brightmoon. You are absolutely right.

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Specializes in Pediatrics.
:smackingf :smackingf

i was just so surprised by this student, i was venting. (note to self, vent in your journal, not on the internet.) this topic is too touchy and painful because we have so many hopes and expectations for getting into nursing programs. so to see someone get in for reasons not entirely based on academic achievement is a radio-active topic. and i don't know all the facts of this story, and i never will. can this topic be locked? i can see this breaking into an aa flame war which was not my intent.

edited: i also can see if some single mothers reading this would feel uncomfortable. i don't want that. i just didn't (and still don't) think parenthood/marriage status should be a deciding factor when admitting someone or not, in such highly competitive programs.

you shouldn't feel this way. many many many threads here are alike, in that they spark a healthy debate. nothing wrong with that. if you ask me, feel free to vent any time here (we all need that from time to time).

as for the 'single mother' issue, i'm not uncomfortable with it. i find it amusing to hear how many people use it as a crutch (i'm not saying everyone does). i personally cannot stand that phrase. maybe because i now fall into that category. separated, but not yet divorced, with a daughter. sure her father is involved, but has left me with an extraordinary financial hardship (well, to me it's extraodinary). while i'd like to thing i am owed something by society, the truth is, i am no different than many other women today. some may say my situation is not so bad. but let's face it, i'm a nurse (an nurse educator, no less), living on one salary, paying rent alone,trying to finish grad school, blah blah blah.

the point i'm trying to make, is that however special i may be (or how i'm perceived), i do not advertise my life and my problems. why?? because we all have issues. (climbing off my soapbox now)

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.

the point i'm trying to make, is that however special i may be (or how i'm perceived), i do not advertise my life and my problems. why?? because we all have issues. (climbing off my soapbox now)

yes!!! this is the crux of the issue (for me). we all have our issues. if i were to list mine, i guarantee it would raise eyebrows of 'oh my god, poor multicollinarity.' but i won't because there's always someone better off, and worse off. one person could read your post and say "you have a bsn, you are able to go to grad school and you are complaining?" this person may not be able to go to college at all for even an adn despite her best efforts. another would say "you are in a terrible bind, that is so difficult, i am so sorry you have such a terrible burdon." both perspectives are valid from the person's own vantage point compared to their own issues. blah blah blah.

the very fact that some people are digging up whatever they can to be 'special' to get in and that some ivory tower professors are admitting said students pisses me off.

am i getting to be old-fashioned? i simply don't think it's professional to bring up your 'issues' and use them to try to get into college. if my pride means i have to move to another state to get into a nursing program because i won't play this game so be it.

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I just think it depends on whether someone is using it as a "poor me" sorry or if someone is using it to demonstrate what they have accomplished. Many interviews (jobs or school) involve questions regarding how the interviewee has dealt with a difficult situation. Someone who is a single mother may say "Well, having children on my own and taking all the prereqs at once was challenging, but I have a good support system and managed my time wisely by....". In that case, it's about selling yourself not whining.

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Specializes in Policy, Emergency OR, Peds OR, CVOR.
I just think it depends on whether someone is using it as a "poor me" sorry or if someone is using it to demonstrate what they have accomplished. Many interviews (jobs or school) involve questions regarding how the interviewee has dealt with a difficult situation. Someone who is a single mother may say "Well, having children on my own and taking all the prereqs at once was challenging, but I have a good support system and managed my time wisely by....". In that case, it's about selling yourself not whining.

:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire

First, let me qualify everything that follows by stating:

1. I have 2 children from my first husband that have no idea who he is or this child support people speak of.

2. My lovely ex-husband drifted in & out of our lives for a few years, while I supported him, his mother, myself and our children.

3. I am now with my soul mate and a SAHM to his, hers, and ours - 5 kids.

4. He works everday and takes care of all of us financially. I am blessed.

I will say this very clearly because I want the entire world to understand what I'm saying, TAKING CARE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES IS NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT, IT IS EXPECTED. I'm not sure how everyone else got pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I know how I did and it was my choice. I created these responsibilities and I have to care for them. I abhor the thought of people using their children as proof of their ability to "accomplish" something. Taking care of your children and providing them with everything they need is your duty. This is not a job that provides pats on the back or atta-girls.

The people that call it a "hardship" drive me crazy. Yes, I went without dinner so that my kids didn't, yes, I still have some of the clothes I wore in the 90's because I'd rather buy things for my kids, yes, I make sacrifices. THAT IS THE CHOICE I MADE when I made those kids.

A true hardship is something that make life difficult to get through by the normal channels. Living life in a world designed for walkers in a hardship for those confined to a wheelchair.

When I receive my acceptance to the nursing program in March (:smiley_aa )

I will know that I was accepted into the program because of my true accomplishments, not because I chose to have children.

If I seem a little harsh, I'm sorry. I just get so enraged....... Like multi said, my sob story is impressive too, but I don't need a crutch to limp through life.

I truly do not mean to offend anyone. I'm really quite nice once you get to know me!

:D

mo

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Many, many people have hardships. Sometimes, it seems like it's becoming more of the "norm." I think admittance should be based on merit. Maybe include people skills, but never give up a seat to someone who is deemed unlikely to succeed in the program. If the GPA is *that* bad before the nursing program, it probably won't get that much better once the student is in it. Yes, grades are not everything. But if a student can just barely make it through her pre-reqs, she probably won't be able to make it throuhgh the nursing program.

And yes, I have had my share of hardships as well, including a drug addicted mother and being a single mom for some time. But I won't get into that, because it's in the past. My present and my future are what is important!

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:angryfire :angryfire :angryfire

First, let me qualify everything that follows by stating:

1. I have 2 children from my first husband that have no idea who he is or this child support people speak of.

2. My lovely ex-husband drifted in & out of our lives for a few years, while I supported him, his mother, myself and our children.

3. I am now with my soul mate and a SAHM to his, hers, and ours - 5 kids.

4. He works everday and takes care of all of us financially. I am blessed.

I will say this very clearly because I want the entire world to understand what I'm saying, TAKING CARE OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES IS NOT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT, IT IS EXPECTED. I'm not sure how everyone else got pregnant, but I'm pretty sure I know how I did and it was my choice. I created these responsibilities and I have to care for them. I abhor the thought of people using their children as proof of their ability to "accomplish" something. Taking care of your children and providing them with everything they need is your duty. This is not a job that provides pats on the back or atta-girls.

The people that call it a "hardship" drive me crazy. Yes, I went without dinner so that my kids didn't, yes, I still have some of the clothes I wore in the 90's because I'd rather buy things for my kids, yes, I make sacrifices. THAT IS THE CHOICE I MADE when I made those kids.

A true hardship is something that make life difficult to get through by the normal channels. Living life in a world designed for walkers in a hardship for those confined to a wheelchair.

When I receive my acceptance to the nursing program in March (:smiley_aa )

I will know that I was accepted into the program because of my true accomplishments, not because I chose to have children.

If I seem a little harsh, I'm sorry. I just get so enraged....... Like multi said, my sob story is impressive too, but I don't need a crutch to limp through life.

I truly do not mean to offend anyone. I'm really quite nice once you get to know me!

:D

mo bello

I think you really missed my point. I don't think you're crippled in life cause you're a single mother. I've said it before in other threads: moms chose to have kids and they need to deal with it without buggin me (trust me, this came up at Xmas when some of the moms thought the non-moms should work all the holidays because they wanted to be with their kids, I took the week off like I'd planned).

Talking about how you deal with something that is difficult shows coping ability. It may show time management skills, it may show that you are a good planner, it may show that you have a positive attitude, etc. I would call raising children difficult even under the best of circumstances. It isn't about letting single mothers who whine into the program, it can be about getting students with good coping skills, good planning skills, good time management skills, a positive outlook, etc. Someone else could talk about challenges they faced balancing work and school, maybe they have been balancing school and home, etc. Everybody has some life experiences that they should understand how to relate to job skills, it doesn't have to be a sob story. Yours may be how you managed to get good grades in your prereqs (I set aside study time, worked really hard, improved my writing skills, etc). I should say I don't think those are necessarily better indicators of your ability to become a nurse.

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Specializes in Policy, Emergency OR, Peds OR, CVOR.

:selfbonk:

I was in no way attacking you, I'm sorry if it seemed that way!

And I agree that having a 3.9 GPA doesn't necessarily make you a better nurse.

And multi, I wish you the best of luck in whatever program you choose!!!

AND AND...

just kidding, that's all.

:coollook:

mo

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