Advice On Dealing With Toxic Family Who Discourages You From Going To Nursing School?

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by Jupiter16 Jupiter16 (New) New Pre-Student

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So this is a bit of a long story, but I need advice on dealing with my toxic mother's comments about my career choice. It's very discouraging to me and has held me back for years. I really need help on ways I can cope with the rude comments and stay encouraged to follow my goal of becoming an RN! 

I have been going to college on and off for the past 10 years. I  always have wanted to become a RN, but my mother continuously makes rude comments that I'm never going to finish school or hold a job. 10 years ago I got my CNA after I graduated high school, and started working but she always made rude comments about my job, referred to me as a Certified *** scooper, and encouraged me to quit, which I ultimately did. When I recently told her I'm going back to school and was accepted into an RN program she said the RN program I was accepted to is the crappiest in the state, I'm not even going to get a real degree, and she can't believe I'm going to be a stupid nurse. She makes very rude comments like this in everyday conversations about other aspects of my life, which I won't bother with elaborating on here for the sake of this already being a long post!

I've tried to explain to her that she needs to stop making these kinds of comments and they are hurtful, but she either laughs in my face or says that's I'm just being a rude ***. I really am at loss on how to respond to her at this point....

Tigerlily8

Tigerlily8

111 Posts

Please recognize that this individual does not have your best interests in mind. I recommend that you enroll in school, follow your dreams and decrease your contact with this toxic individual. 

TheNursingdoll

TheNursingdoll, CNA

22 Articles; 256 Posts

I'm very sorry that you are going through that 😞 , sadly sometimes the people closet to you can be your worst enemies , you mother seems to be a narc and jealous of you . I have went through something like this with some of my family. The best thing you can do is tell them VERY minimal and keep them at a great distance (hopefully you don't live with her and if you do keep your valuables and schoolwork locked and safe). I hope you have people close to you that can support you on your nursing journey and not feed you any self-doubt. You should be proud of yourself that you should be going back to school, and you shouldn't let ANYONE or ANYTHING stop you. btw CNAs aren't certified poop scoopers they are actually the eyes and ears and great companions to your patient and the fact that you even went through training shows how dedicated your heart is to this rewarding career choice. 

NICU Guy, BSN, RN

Specializes in NICU. Has 7 years experience. 4,071 Posts

On 8/17/2022 at 7:12 PM, Jupiter16 said:

I  always have wanted to become a RN, but my mother continuously makes rude comments that I'm never going to finish school or hold a job. 10 years ago I got my CNA after I graduated high school, and started working but she always made rude comments about my job, referred to me as a Certified *** scooper, and encouraged me to quit, which I ultimately did. When I recently told her I'm going back to school and was accepted into an RN program she said the RN program I was accepted to is the crappiest in the state, I'm not even going to get a real degree, and she can't believe I'm going to be a stupid nurse. She makes very rude comments like this in everyday conversations about other aspects of my life, which I won't bother with elaborating on here for the sake of this already being a long post! I really am at loss on how to respond to her at this point....

I learned long ago that toxic people have no place in my life. If you are not going to be a positive influence in my life, you do not deserve to be part of my life. Biologically she is your mother, but she is a miserable person who wants everyone around them to be miserable. Cut her from your life. You deserve positive people around you that make you a better person and in turn, you make them a better person.

"You teach people how to treat you"- Dr. Phil

Find a nursing school, graduate, get a job, live your life without the toxic influence.

traumaRUs

traumaRUs, MSN, APRN, CNS

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU. Has 30 years experience. 164 Articles; 21,178 Posts

Agree with others. As an adult, you have the choice of who gives you advice - sometimes its better to cut the negative people out of your life. 

bsd058

bsd058

Specializes in Pre-nursing student. 20 Posts

Reading this makes me want to slap your mother for you. LOL. Sorry. That’s just my inner protective instincts kicking in. Makes me think she was never disciplined to be kind to others when she was a kid.

I wonder why she thinks nurses are stupid. What did she do when she was working (if she ever worked)? Anything to do with science? Is she aware that nurses are actually some of the brightest people in our society? Has she never gone to a doctor or hospital before? Makes me wonder if she’s ever been out into society, the way she acts. She sounds ignorant. Almost like she gets her info from TV or movies or something.

Yeah, people like that you do need to cut off. Sorry to say; but she sounds unloving, the exact opposite of what a mother ought to be. But I know that people have a hard time cutting off family sometimes. And if you’re still dependent, then it will be impossible to cut her off. I don’t know your whole situation; but if you are an adult/independent and don’t rely on her for expenses of any kind, I would definitely talk to a therapist (because someone who is treated like this needs that, I’ve seen it 100x), and I would get as far away from her as possible so you can have a chance to heal from her unfounded and unkind words.

londonflo

londonflo

Specializes in oncology. Has 45 years experience. 2,117 Posts

On 8/17/2022 at 6:12 PM, Jupiter16 said:

When I recently told her I'm going back to school and was accepted into an RN program she said the RN program I was accepted to is the crappiest in the state, I'm not even going to get a real degree,

 Such a bitter thing to hear from your Mother. First of all getting into a RN program is so hard to do...good GPA in sciences, good interview and your CNA. Congrats for you!

Some people can be so mean....as an example I am going to tell you about my 'broken engagement' in the 1970s. We went to see 'One Flew Over the Coocoos Nest'. Nurse Ratched was indeed so horrible. but my fiancé generalized her characteristics to ALL RNs. That was the end for me. I think he had a problem with other people being in control...not him!  I had tolerated a lot of negative characterizations through the years from him but Dammit this was what I had studied and worked so hard for.  

SmilingBluEyes

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis. Has 25 years experience. 20,957 Posts

I cut off close relations with toxic people. You should, too. Just be polite but share nothing about your personal life, or choices. It's best in the long run.