Advice on Essay Q: Why did you choose nursing as a career?

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Hello all! Below I have pasted my first draft for the essay question: Why did you choose nursing as a career. Please give me constructive criticism or any advice. This is one of 8 essay questions in which I must answer. I will touch on healthcare experience, volunteering, and extracurricular in other categories. My hope was that this essay would stand out amongst others. I didn't want it to be cliche. Thoughts, suggestions?

I have spent a magnitude of time pondering the reasons why I have chosen nursing as a career. With many, this is a simple question to answer. They can pinpoint a specific moment in their life, when nursing just clicked with them personally. I, on the other hand, can not. Looking back, I struggle to recall times when I did not plan to pursue nursing. So, when I receive this question, I proceed to explain my childhood hobbies.

My parents were worried. It was a valid conclusion to make, as I watched them stare with widening eyes. As a little girl, I spent a vast amount time injuring my barbie dolls, stuffed animals, and my infant brother. I remember tearing limbs off my collectable dolls I had received for Christmas. I recall seating my stuffed animals in remote control cars and purposefully ramming the vehicle into walls. Then I would proceed to fly it off of a 'cliff', which typically, was the staircase. I used my mother's scrapbook supplies to artistically paint 'blood' all over my brother's tiny limbs.

After inflicting my toys and brother with fictional pain, off I would go with a blood pressure cuff in one hand, a first aid kit in the other, and a plastic stethoscope hanging around my neck. After tearing off arms, I would take gauze from the kit to mend the breaks. I would bandage the car wreck victims. I would clean the painted wounds off my baby brother. My parent's were never very pleased, as the first aid kit was constantly needing to be restocked. As a five year old, I never understood why they found my actions to be strange. Honestly, I still don't. As a child, I strived to heal others. To this very day, that has not changed. What has changed, however, are the following two things. First, the desire to have two significant letters following my name: Nurse Nancy, RN. Second, the passion to expand my knowledge of medical care past the first aid kit.

I never had that click when choosing nursing. That is not to say I have not experienced it, though. It clicks when I visit my nurse practitioner, Christi. While she talks me through the procedures she performs on me, it clicks.. When I enter a hospital and fill with excitement and ambition, it clicks. The decision was practically innate. Regards to the debate of nature versus nurture, Plato, I would have to side with you. I do not know why I chose nursing. Somedays, I believe it chose me.

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Hello all! Below I have pasted my first draft for the essay question: Why did you choose nursing as a career. Please give me constructive criticism or any advice. This is one of 8 essay questions in which I must answer. I will touch on healthcare experience, volunteering, and extracurricular in other categories. My hope was that this essay would stand out amongst others. I didn't want it to be cliche. Thoughts, suggestions?

I have spent a magnitude of time pondering the reasons why I have chosen nursing as a career. With many, this is a simple question to answer. They can pinpoint a specific moment in their life when nursing clicked with them personally. I, on the other hand, can not. Looking back, I struggle to recall times when I did not plan to pursue nursing. So, when I receive this question, I proceed to explain my childhood hobbies.

My parents were worried. It was a valid conclusion to make, as I watched them stare with widening eyes. As a little girl, I spent a vast amount time 'injuring' my barbie dolls, stuffed animals, and my infant brother. I remember tearing limbs off my collectable dolls I had received for Christmas. I recall seating my stuffed animals in remote control cars and purposefully ramming the vehicle into walls. Then, I would proceed to fly the plastic car off a 'cliff', which typically, was the staircase. I used my mother's scrapbook supplies to artistically paint 'blood' all over my brother's tiny limbs. These actions were just the start of my pastime.

After inflicting my toys and brother with fictional pain, off I would go with a blood pressure cuff in one hand, a first aid kit in the other, and a plastic stethoscope hanging around my neck. After tearing off arms, gauze would be taken from the kit to mend the breaks. Bandages helped heal the survivors of my precipitated car accident. I would clean the bloody wounds off my baby brother. My parents were never very pleased, as the first aid kit was constantly in need of restocking. As a five year old, I never understood why they found my actions to be strange. Honestly, I still don't.

As a child, I strived to heal others. To this very day, that has not changed. What has changed, however, are the following two things. First being the passion to expand my knowledge of medical care past the first aid kit. Second, the desire to have two noteworthy letters following my name: ______,_______ RN.

I never had that click when choosing nursing. That is not to say I have not experienced it, though. It clicks when I visit my nurse practitioner, Christi. While she talks me through the procedures she performs on me, it clicks. When I enter a hospital and fill with excitement and ambition, nursing clicks. The decision was practically innate. Regards to the debate of nature versus nurture, Plato, I would have to side with you. I do not know why I chose nursing. Somedays, I believe it chose me.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

I am not so sure that I would talk about tearing off the arms of your toys and injuring your brother. While some of that is not actually hurting your brother...it sounds...a little ....creepy.

Maybetalk about how you always played nurse with your sick dolls...or fixing your patient brother. But tearing off limbs and crashing cars...probably not the impression/vision of you that you want them to see.

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Specializes in hospice.

Umm, wow, that makes you sound like a psycho. And if you actually injured your brother on purpose over and over, to provide yourself with amusement, your parents failed to do their jobs very well.

Also, avoid the fifty cent words unless you are really familiar with them. The word magnitude is misused.

I agree with everything Esme said.

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This is such a tough one, and I applaud you for posting this! Everyone has such personal answers, and you never know what angle to take with questions like this! I know the struggle! I can feel your passion through your writing, and its fantastic. Most of your examples are very good and demonstrate some of your recent experiences and knowledge of the career. This is key! Your demonstrated an educated reason for pursuing this career. A+!

And now for the not so good.. bear with me!!

There is a small part of me that sort of...cringes... when I read about the childhood experiences. I'm not saying it's "right" or "wrong," but I wanted to you to know that was my gut reaction when reading it. I think if you could possibly take a more professional tone, while maintaining the passion, you would be totally set! Perhaps tone it back a bit, with more examples that display more insightful reasons why you want to be a nurse. I'd also suggest backing off the literary devices a bit as they seem a bit dramatic and over used, and perhaps try to avoid the use of so many commas (it breaks up the sentences too much that it is visually hard to read). I'm totally guilty of the over-used-comma-syndrome when I'm portraying a natural voice too!

I hope this helps and I'm sorry if it was hard to read... I have the best intentions!

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Specializes in Complex pedi to LTC/SA & now a manager.

Sorry the reason your parents (and most others found this

My parents were worried. It was a valid conclusion to make, as I watched them stare with widening eyes. As a little girl, I spent a vast amount time 'injuring' my barbie dolls, stuffed animals, and my infant brother. I remember tearing limbs off my collectable dolls I had received for Christmas. I recall seating my stuffed animals in remote control cars and purposefully ramming the vehicle into walls. Then, I would proceed to fly the plastic car off a 'cliff', which typically, was the staircase. I used my mother's scrapbook supplies to artistically paint 'blood' all over my brother's tiny limbs. These actions were just the start of my pastime.

After inflicting my toys and brother with fictional pain, off I would go with a blood pressure cuff in one hand, a first aid kit in the other, and a plastic stethoscope hanging around my neck. After tearing off arms, gauze would be taken from the kit to mend the breaks. Bandages helped heal the survivors of my precipitated car accident. I would clean the bloody wounds off my baby brother. My parents were never very pleased, as the first aid kit was constantly in need of restocking. As a five year old, I never understood why they found my actions to be strange. Honestly, I still don't.

To be strange is because this is abnormal pathological behavior often associated with sociopaths and those with serious personality disorders. I strongly suggest that you rethink your essay. Perhaps seek some psychological counseling. Rather than acceptance to nursing school this admission is likely to lead to a psychiatric referral especially since you clearly do not understand why it's wrong to injure your helpless , infant brother. FYI- It's wrong because it's child abuse even if sibling to sibling. Causing your infant brother to bleed is not a nurse in the making wishing to "heal others" it's serious cause for concern.

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As a child, I strived to heal others.

Uh...after "injuring" them, you mean?

Agree with the previous posters. If you submit this essay, expect a letter of declination and a referral to a good psychologist.

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Specializes in Emergency Room, Trauma ICU.

This is beyond disturbing on so many levels. Not only because of your actions taken as a child, but more so by the fact that you as an adult see nothing wrong with those actions and seek to use them to help you in nursing school! I would run, not walk, but run to your schools med center and see a psychiatrist stat!

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
Uh...after "injuring" them, you mean?

Agree with the previous posters. If you submit this essay, expect a letter of declination and a referral to a good psychologist.

This.

Take out the injuring of dolls and your infant brother and tweak it; expand more about your NP, as well as just stick to wanting to "heal" your dolls and baby brother; that extraneous information will raised some unwanted attention.

Also, what other aspects of nursing draw you to the profession? Think about those aspects and apply it to the question.

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Why don't you answer this question instead:

Why should anyone pick YOU to be a nurse?

That will help bring positivity to your essay because if you submit this current essay, they probably would not even think about accepting you. If it's a calling then talk about that, if not, rethink why you are even interested in helping people because honestly that's what nurses do HELP people.

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Thank you everyone for your constructive comments. Getting another perspective definitely made me re-evaluate this essay.

I wasn't intending to make it sound 'sociopathic'. As a child my intention wasn't to "hurt" my toys and brother, it was more of the idea that I enjoyed taking "care" of them after. Another point I just want to highlight, is that I never physically hurt my younger brother. I would paint on him and then clean it off. I am going to scratch this essay and go in a different direction.

Thank you all for your opinions, I truly appreciate it.

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
Thank you everyone for your constructive comments. Getting another perspective definitely made me re-evaluate this essay.

I wasn't intending to make it sound 'sociopathic'. As a child my intention wasn't to "hurt" my toys and brother, it was more of the idea that I enjoyed taking "care" of them after. Another point I just want to highlight, is that I never physically hurt my younger brother. I would paint on him and then clean it off. I am going to scratch this essay and go in a different direction.

Thank you all for your opinions, I truly appreciate it.

I didn't think you were unstable...but if you read this essay and think from the PVO of a complete stranger...what would you think. I know you were going for sensationalism to grab the attention of the reader....it just didn't work.

((HUGS))

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