Adoption

klone, MSN, RN · Jun 24, 2010

Every hospital is different, but they try to honor the wishes of the birth mother as much as possible. So how it's done depends a lot upon how you want it done. Some mothers want the baby removed from her sight as soon as it's born and never want to see it again. Some mothers want the baby kept with them until the moment of discharge. Often times it's somewhere in between. The most recent adoption I handled, the birth mother had the adoptive parents with her for the labor and delivery. She had the adoptive mother take the other ID band (which gives entry into the nursery). We had a "bonding room" available, so the adoptive mother and her husband were able to room in with the baby in the bonding room until discharge. The birth mother opted to let them keep the baby with them, rather than keep the baby with her.

I think you should sit down and decide how YOU want it to go, and what level of care and togetherness you feel comfortable with. You will probably find that the hospital staff is willing to work with you on your wishes and requests. Good luck to you.

pharmgirl · Jun 24, 2010

I am an adoptee and although I have no experience with the hospital end of it, may I just say I commend you for considering adoption. Adoption is one of the most selfless acts of love I have ever been privileged enough to experience. I imagine it is also one of the most difficult decisions to make. If you ever find yourself down the road having questions that I, as an adoptee, may be able to help you with, please do not hesitate to PM me.

Again, kudos to you, and may God bless you and keep you.

Tabitha! · Jun 24, 2010

My sister recently adopted a baby. The birth parents allowed her to be with the baby right from birth. The hospital allowed my sister and husband to stay in a "Hospitality room" after the birth. The baby was allowed to stay with my sisiter. The birth parents signed over all medical decisions and legal rights to my sister as soon as the baby was born. The birth parents left the hospital before the baby was released and my sister was able to take him home.

My sister is unable to have children, so this was a wonderful way for her to experience "having a child". I commend you for your brave decision! Please consider allowing someone to adopt that is unable to have children of their own.

MaryEMT · Jun 24, 2010

I too am an adoptee, and I think this is a very couregeous decision for you to make. It is truly a selfless act of love. I wish you luck and prayers as you move forward with the pregnancy and the adoption process!

jillmrykay · Jun 24, 2010

I am the mother of six adoptive children. I aquired 5 of mine through DHS and one privately. Privately is the way to go. You get control over who has your baby. I have open adoptions which means I know where the birth mother is and my kids can see them when ever they want. It has worked well for us. I do not like age3ncy who specialize in adoptions. They charge alot of money at your expense. I do know lots of couple who would be interested in adopting, because they are unable to have their own children. So if you want to discuss that I would be happy to help if I can. Good luck to you . You are giving the most awesome gift.

Nurse_Hagatha · Jun 24, 2010

My husband and I cannot have a baby of our own, and just want to add that your gift to some blessed couple is nothing short of awesome. Hugs to you.

2bnurseofchrist · Jun 24, 2010

Hi

First of all, bless your heart for being so strong and brave to do such a difficult thing. I hope you have family or friends for support. How you want it handled is completely up to you. Once you have made a decision, then you let the various parties involved know. It's a good start to get advice from your OB, maybe a counselor that specializes in adoption or even speaking to other women who have done what you plan to do. That way you can make a decision what works best for YOU.

Feel free to PM me if you have any other question.

rn/writer, RN · Jun 24, 2010

On the postpartum unit where I work we try to do what the birth mother wants. Some see their baby at the delivery and then choose not to be with them after that. If the adoptive parents have already been chosen, they will then step in and care for the child.

Some birth mothers (and other relatives) share the baby's care with the adoptive parents.

And some want the hospital stay, however brief, to be both a hello and a goodbye and they keep the babies with them for that little while before giving them to their new families.

It's a good thing to think this through ahead of time and have everyone involved be aware of the plan, including the OB and hospital staff. That way if there are any wrinkles, they can be worked out before the birth.

Are you thinking of an open adoption where you will have periodic contact over the years? If not, you might want to consider anything you would want to give the adoptive parents--a letter to your child, medical information, some kind of memento, etc. With an open adoption there would be time for these things later.

Many members of my family are adopted (son, brother, nephew and others), and we are grateful for them. I thank you mightily for giving life to this child and for making what I imagine is a challenging decision.

Gabby_101, BSN · Jun 25, 2010

Wow thanks to all the support!! It reassuring to hear others say how awsome adoption is. Yes, I will be doing an open adoption. I am currently (trying lol) to cross stitch a blanket for the baby, I can't say it is going to be the prettiest thing in the world but I hope it will mean something to the child as he/she gets older. I also plan (if the parents agree) to give the child a box with a letter to the child and pictures of me while pregnant and pictures of my family so the child will know what his/her relatives look like. Do you who have been adopted think you would have liked to have these things??

I have been going to a pregnancy counseling center and talking with an "advocate" about the whole situation since I found out I was pregnant. I have talked it over with her and I think it would be best for me to spend as much time as I can with the baby while in the hospital. I just wasn't sure if the L and D unit would be flexible with the extra people as there would be two sets of families coming to visit. I know from working in a hospital it is a pain to have to be in the middle of family afairs.

Again thank you all for the support it means a lot!

sparklie.lady · Jun 25, 2010

You are giving an amazing gift to the world! As a mother, I cannot think of a more precious thing than to help another woman (or man!) complete their family.

While I support everyone's right to make their own choices in life, I have to say that I am awed by your strength in making this best possible decision for yourself and your child.

*hug*

rn/writer, RN · Jun 25, 2010

Wow thanks to all the support!! It reassuring to hear others say how awsome adoption is. Yes, I will be doing an open adoption. I am currently (trying lol) to cross stitch a blanket for the baby, I can't say it is going to be the prettiest thing in the world but I hope it will mean something to the child as he/she gets older. I also plan (if the parents agree) to give the child a box with a letter to the child and pictures of me while pregnant and pictures of my family so the child will know what his/her relatives look like. Do you who have been adopted think you would have liked to have these things??
I have been going to a pregnancy counseling center and talking with an "advocate" about the whole situation since I found out I was pregnant. I have talked it over with her and I think it would be best for me to spend as much time as I can with the baby while in the hospital. I just wasn't sure if the L and D unit would be flexible with the extra people as there would be two sets of families coming to visit. I know from working in a hospital it is a pain to have to be in the middle of family afairs.
Again thank you all for the support it means a lot!

Adoption is a really special circumstance, one that most L&D or postpartum units would go out of their way to accommodate. I can't imagine anyone with a shred of kindness in them who would begrudge you or the adoptive family the chance to participate in this memorable experience.

The blanket you are making will be a treasure, no matter how it looks. The fact that you took the time to make it and give it to the adoptive parents on the baby's behalf will be tangible proof that you cared.

You're a very special young woman.