Adoption

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Specializes in NICU level III.

There is an infant in the unit who is becoming a state case. I believe that I can be a 'fit' mother. Although I am single. I have an EXCELLENT support system to help me raise a child. Plus, I have the skills it would take to raise this baby without all the additional training it would take to teach a foster family. A family member of this infant is considering adopting this child though.

Anyways, my questions is. . .what is the process of adoption? I know it can be very expensive process, but I'm unsure how the exact process works. I also know, that it can take YEARS before the adoption process is legalized. If anybody has any ideas how this works please let me know.

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Specializes in NICU level III.

Or is it selfish to want to give him a life better than the one his parents would ever be able to give him even if it is a single partent but close big family type of situation?

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Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

first, you need to make a definite decision that you could devote your life to this ( or another ) child. remember that often infants with medical issues grow up to be big kids and adults with medical issues .

can you afford to take time off of work to care for the child if the need arises? I know you said you have supportive family but i have seen them all disappear into the woodwork when a child is chronically ill..

if you think this is what you want to do you can contact your local DSS office for a foster care training. that is usually the first step with these kiddos. they will have you go thru the approval and training process before a child is placed with you. Sometimes if it is a difficult case they can speed it along.

good luck with it! keep us posted!!

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I think PRMENRS adopted a patient of hers. PM her and ask.

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Specializes in Maternal - Child Health.

Perhaps you can make an appointment with your unit's social worker.

I would strongly recommend keeping your thoughts to yourself until you have more information, and a plan in place to proceed with adoption.

I know of 3 attempted adoptions from units where I worked. Two of them went very smoothly and resulted in happy homes. One was derailed when the birth parents changed their minds, and it was a difficult loss for everyone who supported out fellow nurse in her efforts to adopt the baby.

In one case, the staff nurse and her husband had just begun the process of being approved by DCFS when a special needs baby came into our unit. Their application was expedited because she was uniquely qualified to meet the baby's needs. She literally came into work one day, and was sent home to purchase a car seat and other essentials so that the baby could be discharged.

Best of luck to you!

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Specializes in NICU, CVICU.

A friend of mine from my NICU job has been fostering a boy that was a patient of our unit. He was discharged to another foster family because her paperwork had not yet been processed, but as soon as it was done, he was turned over to her. She is in the process of adopting him and he will be 2 years old this summer.

It can be done. In my friend's case, she went through a group called "Child Advocates" in Houston.

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Specializes in NICU, Infection Control.

I did. The "rules" depend on State and local laws/regulations. If there is a family member who wants the child, they would have preference. Some areas try to match up ethnicity, others don't. Also, if there is any Native American in the background, the tribe would control of the situation. There is a bias for 2 parent families. Please note that my experience is >20 years ago, so things may have change.

I think you should talk to the adoption agency.

I did not have to pay for the adoption. I had to wait ~ 18 months until they could pretty much rule out parental involvement. He went to a foster family; fortunately for me, she was very friendly, let me visit nearly all my days off, and very supportive of my endeavors.

I knew how to care for a child w/a shunt, but I had no idea what I was getting into w/regard to his developmental issues. And, @ 1st, I had very unrealistic ideas about how I could influence his outcome. I do believe I had a positive effect, but certainly not as much as I thought I could in the beginning.

When he 1st came to live w/me, it was a "fost-adopt" situation--he was still a foster child for another 18 months. So I got "Basic Foster Care Rate" plus some extra to pay for speech therapy. Most of it went to day care. When the adoption was finalized, they gave me "Adoption Assistance", which was "Basic Foster Care Rate". Now he qualifies for Social Security Disability.

The whole thing was definitely frowned on by the hospital social workers. There were also a couple of instances on Post Partum where a mom basically said to a nurse she liked, "Do YOU want the baby?", and signed the baby to that nurse. Not really kosher according to the Social Workers and the Child Protective Service.

I fell in love w/him, so it was ultimately worth the hassle. But it has definitely been my life's challenge. People have told me how great it is that I adopted him, but I think the real miracle was that God put him in my path. He has been the greater blessing to me.

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Specializes in NICU level III.

So some people have asked that I update. So far the family wants to try to gain custody of the baby & they don't have full understanding that parents will have to sign over rights of guardianship as well as for family to visit b/c they are temporarly "unavailable" seeing as they are in jail all of a sudden & that the state could still take the baby away from the family once rights are signed over.

Anyways, I contacted our hospital social worker & they said it could be months to a year before the baby is offically "state property" because they try to "integrate the baby back into the family." So it was recommended that since the baby isn't in state custody yet that I get my foster parent license until that occurs which in my state takes 10 weeks. The social worker said that if they know I want to adopt they are more likely to put a child of my interest in my care & if things didn't work out with the family I would be 1st to accept or deny the adoption. Bascially.

Until then I'm going to find a nice apartment. Perhaps 2 bedroom?? I don't know if you can adopt with just a one bedroom apartment. (I obviously don't know how all this works.) It seems so complicated. More than it needs to be. Don't see how they could let a baby so "easily" back into a house where it is so very noticably not wanted.

I'll just be praying about it. Thats really all I can do about it right now.

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Specializes in NICU level III.

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1737667,00.html

Adoptees More Likely to be Troubled

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Sorry, I disagree with the study 190% when adoptions are done infantcy.

You know what "causes" a child to become "difficult"?

Social Workers who make decisions based on ego and not in the best interests of the child....children who are yanked out of homes in the middle of the night, only to go back a couple of weeks later to be yanked out again.

Being the subject of unfit mothers who can't manage their lives, have a history of drug/alcohol abuse and a string of "boyfriends" that come in and out of the child's life...and then a foster family here, and a foster family there....it's a wonder the SUICIDE rate isn't through the roof for these children.

Just because you see it in print....don't make it true.

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Specializes in NICU level III.

I couldn't agree more. The instability that I think babies in foster care & those as mentioned by Hopefull2009 by "yanking" children in & out of their homes when they are perhaps "unfit" & unstable is what makes children how they are.

I know many people that are adopted & they tell me all the time hwat it was like growing up for them. It's hard when you go from home to home not knowing where your going to end up next.

Thats why I don't understand our SRS system. I see children who's parents are COMPLETELY "unfit" with the wrong type of responsibilities, have never came to visit or called for that matter, but yet they want to "integrate them back into the family." I don't understand. I guess I just have to trust the system?!?

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Our family has really got in touch with foster care recently.

My father's, sister's, daughter (everyone get that?)...is drug addicted and lost custody of her 10-year-old to foster care recently.

The judge stated that if my 1st cousin cannot secure a job, a car, and a place to live for a minimum of 6 months, he is not considering returning her daughter back to her.

Her parents, are in their 80's and are not able to take care of her.

No one else in the family will take this child in.

We are so financially strapped to the limit, we can't take her in, but I have promised my aunt if by next year, she is still in foster care, when I start working, I'll take the child in. I can't stand the thought of that.

Keep in mind...I have NEVER seen this child...but the fact she is family, is making me sick.

This poor girl was in a foster home for 5 months, and fell in love with her foster mother then for reasons no one knows, she was pulled out...and this really devasted the little girl...we have no idea to this day, why such a decision was made.

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