Absolutely miserable

[slippersocks]

Hey fellow nurses,

I've been reading through so many threads similar to this one in an attempt to cope better with my job. I'm a new grad (5 months) on an ortho/med surg unit. We take 6 patients at night, which always proves to be a challenge. But for the most part, I've been able to manage care fairly well.

For the most part, I really like my facility, coworkers, and nurse manager. But I've been feeling miserable about work for awhile now. I've made every effort to keep coming back to work and learning as much as I can, but it's starting to affect me so much more even at home.

I know the first year is the toughest and I've accepted that. But I also know when I've fully committed to something and I have truly given this job my all.

I love nursing. I love making a difference for my patients. But this jobs is making me incredibly anxious, even sitting at home on an off day thinking about work (which I also know I shouldn't do).

My stomach is always tied in knots, my appetite has diminished, I don't enjoy hanging out with friends as much as I used to because I'm always thinking about how awful my next shift will be. I'm always worried I'll mess up something or lose my license somehow (this is a recurring fear in my mind).

I've been looking for a new job and applying for some areas that I've always loved when I was in school and when I was a CNA. I haven't had a call back, but I'm hoping I will get one soon.

I just can't keep doing this job. I cry going to work and coming home from work. I was in tears at work because I apparently didn't adequately perform a prepare a patient for a procedure (this was also a very difficult patient and family). One of my coworkers wrapped an arm around me and took me to the report room to tell me that I was fine. She was glad to see I cared about my patients and that it would take me far.

I care so much about my patients and I like my coworkers, but I'm seriously miserable. I almost quit on the spot after another rough night a few days ago, but I don't want to ruin my career. I thought I could hang on for a year (hospital transfer policy), but I know that I won't be able to, if it's affecting my personal life away from work this much.

I apologize for the long post, but I've been keeping it all bottled inside and I just had to vent. I'm open to any suggestions.

Please help a sad new grad out. 😢

[DU15]

Hi there!

It's hard for us to help, when you haven't really expressed what the actual problem is. You've expressed how "miserable" you feel and how you cry and stress about work, but what exactly is causing this?

You like your coworkers and manager. What exactly is the problem? The acuity of the patients? The patients themselves? Family members? Doctors? What exactly is it that's bothering you so much that you want to quit?

The first year will be rough no matter where you go, I am in the same boat as you. But I do believe that if you at least like the people you work with, you should stick with it for at least a year, then move.

Either way, it'll be a risk. You could move to another floor and love the job but hate the people you work with. Or worse, hate both. You can also land a dream job with amazing staff. You never know. Either way, it's best to stick with it and not burn any bridges this soon. Especially if you'd want to come back to this hospital, even on different unit.

But even before considering moving, you have to figure out what it is that's bothering you exactly. Feel free to DM me if you'd like, as I am also a new grad who has only been working for 5 months. We're all stressed. Some of us more than others, but it's normal. It sucks, but it'll pass.

Chin up, dear!

[Kcv19]

I am totally in the same boat as both if you! I have been working for about a year now But I still have the same issues and still struggling emotionally and even sometimes with my skills. I am also told the first year is the toughest but like what was said try and get into more detail about the specific problem. You never know who may be able to relate I know I can!

[slippersocks]

Thanks for replying!

To be honest, I think the issue is the population and acuity of patients. My floor is mostly middle to older adults with many comorbidities. I like ortho, but not med-surg or tele.

I've always been more passionate and interested in maternal-child nursing. I took this job because I was already a CNA at this facility and I had worked on this unit before becoming an RN. The benefits and pay are also great.

I just don't find my work fulfilling and I'm in a constant state of either anxiety or sadness. I know I won't leave until I have another offer, but I also realize this is not where my future nursing career will be.

[Baymax]

i'm totally agreeing with all of u guys. That'll just be the first step of you becoming a successful nurse. everything will be alright once you're able to identify what entirely stresses you out and that you find a way to overcome it. I envy those new grads working in health care institutions. I should've taken that chance when i could. It's been 5 years since i passed but never got the chance to be hired as a nurse. i just left my office job recently coz i realized that it's never to late to keep trying. God bless all nurses!

[DU15]

Thanks for replying!

To be honest, I think the issue is the population and acuity of patients. My floor is mostly middle to older adults with many comorbidities. I like ortho, but not med-surg or tele.

I've always been more passionate and interested in maternal-child nursing. I took this job because I was already a CNA at this facility and I had worked on this unit before becoming an RN. The benefits and pay are also great.

I just don't find my work fulfilling and I'm in a constant state of either anxiety or sadness. I know I won't leave until I have another offer, but I also realize this is not where my future nursing career will be.

I feel the same way. I work on a medsurg floor and definitely do not feel like it's my calling. I do okay, and my patients love me, but mostly because of my personality. I still feel as though my skills are lacking A LOT. But that comes with time and practice. We aren't expected to know everything and be perfect from the gate.

As long as I can make it to the 12th month, I will be fine. That's what I keep telling myself. And as I said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. But at least it'll be a change, and I can try to figure out where I feel like I belong. But I'd like to stay at this hospital, and just move to another floor, rather than leave the entire hospital.

If you don't think you'd ever want to go back to that hospital, then by all means, go to another one. But if you think that you might want to come back, stay the year at least.

[Surg-OncRN]

I see so many nurses working on the floor despise their work. I understand where you are coming from as a nurse who has done bed side nursing going on 10 years now. For me and others, I think the core issue comes down to how much are you really helping your patients.

Personally, I do not see my patients getting any better from most of the medical treatments I am giving them. Sure, they are discharged and go home eventually, but a large percentage are back shortly with the same problem they came in for. The reason for this is we are not fixing the problem and they go home and continue to live a lifestyle which caused the problem in the first place. I know it is complex and near impossible to have some patients change their lifestyle. To be honest, most of them are misinformed and do not have the right tools to know what a healthy lifestyle really involves and how it can benefit them.

I think if our system would do a better job of prevention of chronic disease and educating them on a lifestyle that inhibits disease we would have better results. This in effect would give nurses a better since of satisfaction, purpose and fulfillment from their work. I know it would for me.

[Iknowwha2du]

Without you telling me more I understand what you are going through. You are anxious due to valid reasons. Everyone has different coping skills and you just have to find out what yours are. Make sure that they are healthy ones. Don't be so hard on yourself. You won't be perfect. No one is. You just need to practice as a safe nurse. You must figure out what this is and place importance on critical things..things that can wait or aren't as important put on the back-burner. Good luck! New nurses have it harder nowadays..more patients, disorganization, communication lacking in the field, medicare reimbursement changes and the push to provide the greatest customer service it seems above everything else. If you can..find a reason to stick it out..it can be anything...and when you feel like quitting...think of that reason that you should stay.

[40thEditionRN]

I just want to give you a hug. I am sorry, and I honestly don't know what to tell you outside of "I've been there." I spent two-plus years at big city hospital with some of the toughest patients. I eeked out those two years because night shift made it impossible for me to find the energy to make a change. If I had to work night shift Wednesday-Friday, I'd start getting depressed on Monday.

It truly is hard to find work fulfilling when patients can be belligerent or when they return for the same problems. Sometimes we deal with near constant negatives and the feeling of drowning becomes acute. And when you're new and juggling new procedures and policies and medication administration and patients and families, it can quickly spiral into something that you always carry home.

The great part is that you seem to be in an environment that is supportive. I had the same thing, gratefully. Though management sucked, I adored my fellow nurses. They alone got me through some of the crappiest shifts.

You have a few options. You can get crazy about practicing self-care (taking up yoga or running or some other helpful form of exercise; maximizing rest; reconnecting with family and friends; drink lots of water and eat healthy food; journal) and try to tough it out. Or you can look for something else. With some additional med-surg experience, you'd be a valued asset to a maternity ward. Anyone working an ortho/med-surg combo is going to have some awesome assessment skills.

Another option if you decide to tough it out is to begin researching what you need to have to be on a maternal child floor. Do you need ACLS, or neonatal resuscitation? Pursuing those things while still employed on your floor may help change your mindset so that you're not so focused on your misery in the present, but actively focused on the future and what you want your future to be.

[slippersocks]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply! I really appreciate it!

I've been doing more things outside of work with family and friends, but it's still really difficult to go to work. This week has been a rough one, but I have some much-needed off days ahead.

I'll try to keep my head up until I can get a better offer.

[CuteTXRNgirl]

I understand your pain. I graduated in May and have been working on a neuro-med surg floor for 6 months. I come to work crying and about to vomit and leave the same way when I know I'm back to next day. I would have 4 days off and dread going back in 4 days. I've been miserable and it has trickled down to my personal life. My hospital told me I couldn't transfer until April so I found a position at another hospital. I can't take it anymore. I figured that med surg is not for me. I feel like a waitress, and a legal drug dealer. I don't feel fulfilled at all. I'm starting an OR residency soon hoping that this will be my niche. Good luck. Hope things get better for you.

[yoginurse90]

I hope it gets better! This makes me nervous. I'm supposed to start on an ortho med/surg floor and was told nurses get 4-6 patients. Are you in Florida by chance??