A lost nursing student...

[lvng4themoment, BSN, RN]

I am in my second semester of a 4-semester ABSN. I have a passion for midwifery. Like Ina may gaskin midwifery. I feel drawn to this field, I believe going through the transition of motherhood si sacred and I want to help women along the way. But I have a fundamental belief that is making me question a lot... I believe if you started with a specific midwife while pregnant, that should be the midwife you give birth to your child with. My problem is, I want to have kids of my own in the last 10 years and I fear that if I have to leave for a birth on a special occasion, my child's birthday, Christmas morning etc, that it will negatively impact my own children. Will I be giving them a less than ideal childhood if I'm not there on Christmas morning? My partner has suggested I do more mainstream midwifery when my children are small, but I find that holistic homebirths and making a strong connection with one midwife is much more important to me, I don't like the idea of having my own shift and then not helping a woman give birth that I've seen for 9 months because I'm not on shift when she goes into labor (as it is in some team lead birthing centers or hospitals). Any thoughts? Do you think missing Christmas morning for a birth will negatively impact my future relationship with my kids? Should I choose a different career because of it, or is that something I could adapt to and still give me kids a loving childhood?

[brownbook]

Woah there cowgirl! You are waaay over thinking your life. You're visualizing and worrying about a Christmas morning 3-5 years from now!

Re-read that sentence and think about how crazy making that is.

A lot, but not all, of health care providers are working 24/7. Your children will survive mom being gone Christmas day. Children of doctors, nurses, police officers, service industry workers, military families, etc. survive their parent's crazy schedules.

Have Christmas Dec. 29th. Celebrate Thanksgiving the 3rd Tuesday of the month, have the birthday party the day before or after. Just don't make a big deal about it.

Uhmmm, you're not lvng4themoment if that means live for today!!!

[Oldmahubbard]

As you go along in life, different experiences will challenge your way of thinking.

Rigid idealism usually dies a natural death as you see what the world of work is like.

In almost any type of nursing, you will work Christmas day sometimes. You will work off shifts. It won't ruin your children.

[Wuzzie]

On 10/6/2019 at 11:45 AM, lvng4themoment said:

Do you think missing Christmas morning for a birth will negatively impact my future relationship with my kids?

Only if you raise them to be self-centered twerps.

[LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM]

3 hours ago, Oldmahubbard said:

Rigid idealism usually dies a natural death as you see what the world of work is like.

I would also encourage you to challenge your rigid ideas about midwifery, and what a "real" midwife is. What is "mainstream" midwifery? All midwives want to "help women along the way." Midwives care for women throughout the lifespan, in many different settings. Home birth (and I had one! not knocking it) is only one small slice of midwifery, and all the other slices are just as important and noble. If you come into this profession unable to deviate from those ideas, you're going to find yourself pretty limited and unhappy, IMO.

[brownbook]

3 hours ago, LibraSunCNM said:

I would also encourage you to challenge your rigid ideas about midwifery, and what a "real" midwife is. What is "mainstream" midwifery? All midwives want to "help women along the way." Midwives care for women throughout the lifespan, in many different settings. Home birth (and I had one! not knocking it) is only one small slice of midwifery, and all the other slices are just as important and noble. If you come into this profession unable to deviate from those ideas, you're going to find yourself pretty limited and unhappy, IMO.

I was thinking along those lines, though not as eloquently as you, decided not to go there.

[rac1, ASN, BSN, RN]

Well, I guess I have a little bit of a different take on this, so here's my thoughts, since ya asked. ?

I think that if YOU think you will be giving them "less than" because of your career - then that is exactly what you're doing. If what you and your partner want for them is memories and traditions of family being together on holidays/birthdays - and you know that you'll be limited by your career choice - then yes, technically, you're giving them "less than." Do I think it's "less than?" Nope, I don't. But it's not my family - it's yours, and we all decide how to shape and raise our own. This is not really a question for the crowd to answer - this is for you and yours to answer. What do you want for your children? Do you think you'll "ruin" their childhood - or just idea of what you want for their childhood? You and your partner need to come to terms with what you want for yourselves and your family life.

There was a time in my life where I definitely could say that I was not ready for a career and my children came first. Me being at work and school killed me, and I wanted to be with my children more than I wanted to be in school and at work. So guess what I did? I quit both. Took classes online here and there, and then when eventually I was done having kids and my youngest was school aged I finished school. I was ready. It was what I wanted for my family. I wanted to raise the babies up. It killed me to have them "babysat" all day (and it was family caring for them even). Now, I would never say someone else that continued school and work and put their kids in daycare "ruined" their kids' childhood. Not at all. It's just a personal choice. I was a better mom staying home with them when they were all little. Now that they are all older, I believe I am a better mom to them having my own career. I felt happier to be with them 100% when they were little - and I feel happier and more centered as a person, and mother now that they are older WITH a career. Just dig deep - figure out what is important and just do it. ?