I need advice about cocaine addiction - page 3

by DutchgirlRN 6,446 Views | 58 Comments

My son in law is 36 years old. He and my daughter are expecting their first baby in 3 months. I'll call him David. David was a cocaine addict when he was in his early 20's and got caught stealing items from someone's home, got... Read More


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    Listen to the Bluenote, she's right in tune!
    David is very nice looking, very well mannered, says all the right things, "everyone" thinks he's just the perfect man. You have to invade his privacy and cut his hair because he denies everything and says exactly what he knows you want to hear.
    You have discribed a dangerous pathologic personality disorder. I would have said "sociopath" where Bluenote said "narcissist" but there is not a penny's worth of difference in this case. Get this person out of your life. If you can, get him out of your daughter's life.
    Narcissist and sociopath are the "psych terms" for what normal people call "evil". The distinction, if there really is one, is that "sociopath" is usually reserved for those who are physically dangerous, or are known to engage in criminal activity, particularly violent crime.
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    Quote from CharlieRN
    Listen to the Bluenote, she's right in tune! You have discribed a dangerous pathologic personality disorder. I would have said "sociopath" where Bluenote said "narcissist" but there is not a penny's worth of difference in this case. Get this person out of your life. If you can, get him out of your daughter's life.
    Narcissist and sociopath are the "psych terms" for what normal people call "evil". The distinction, if there really is one, is that "sociopath" is usually reserved for those who are physically dangerous, or are known to engage in criminal activity, particularly violent crime.
    I would just add this....with time, pathological narcissists are far more likely to make that leap to violence. It isn't a very large one and takes minimal effort on their part. Granted, they do not start out that way in the vast majority of cases which is probably one reason why it's so easy to underestimate the dangers they pose. An example...when researching Scott Peterson's history the number of times he was referred to as narcissistic was equalled only be the number of times he was referred to as charming. Pretty frightening when you think about it. We all need to stop ignoring the warning signals.
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    Quote from bluenote
    An example...when researching Scott Peterson's history the number of times he was referred to as narcissistic was equalled only be the number of times he was referred to as charming. Pretty frightening when you think about it. We all need to stop ignoring the warning signals.
    Scary and oh so true. Everyone thinks he's so nice looking, responsible, clean cut and that she's so lucky to have a husband like him. Such a good point that I will sure use to my best benefit. Thank you again.
  4. 0
    Quote from DutchgirlRN
    Scary and oh so true. Everyone thinks he's so nice looking, responsible, clean cut and that she's so lucky to have a husband like him. Such a good point that I will sure use to my best benefit. Thank you again.
    No need for thanks. And by the way....I love italian greyhounds...but my boston terriers own my heart! Well....what's left of it after my 4 kids take their portion!!
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    i doubt he's another scott peterson. those are fortunately pretty rare. but what you do have is a real loser in your daughter's life. unfortunately, she's going to need lumps on the head till she realizes that he's not someone she can build any sort of future with. and there's not much you can do about it, other than support your daughter and refuse to enable him.

    i have a pretty dim view of coke addicts. in my experience, the success rate for rehabilitation is abyssmally low. if she were my daughter, i'd surely be restraining myself.

    good luck with this.
  6. 0
    Quote from traumahawk99
    i doubt he's another scott peterson. those are fortunately pretty rare. but what you do have is a real loser in your daughter's life. unfortunately, she's going to need lumps on the head till she realizes that he's not someone she can build any sort of future with. and there's not much you can do about it, other than support your daughter and refuse to enable him.

    i have a pretty dim view of coke addicts. in my experience, the success rate for rehabilitation is abyssmally low. if she were my daughter, i'd surely be restraining myself.

    good luck with this.
    i think you may have misunderstood my post. i didn't say he was another scott peterson. still, the liklihood that any who knew peterson before his crimes actually thought he would ever commit them is probably zero. my point was just that we cannot ignore the fact that for people with the sort of mind-set evidenced in this case, the distance between a cad and a violent abuser can be frighteningly short. therefore, yes, immediate action is certainly warranted.
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    Hi Dutchgirl
    I am sorry to hear that you are going through these things. I understand my uncle and cousin are both crack addicts. One thing that I must say is I applaude you for trying to help your daughter and unborn granchild. But being that I have addicts in my family I know what a strain it can cause on relationships. What I am saying is continue to be there for your daughter but please don't push her to far. I know this is a very stressful time for her right now and I am sure she is feeling like she is in the middle between her husband and mother. I know that you are focused on son in law and are angry as hell but don't forget the feelings of your little girl I hope the two of you have good communication between the two of you & good luck.
  8. 0
    Quote from bluenote
    i think you may have misunderstood my post. i didn't say he was another scott peterson.
    Bluenote, no I didn't misunderstand. I know you didn't mean that my son-in-law could be a murderer. I took it more that yes, Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde personality is a reality and seems the case with him. That is scary enough when you think about him being your daughters husband and father to your grandchild. I know he would never physically hurt them. Emotionally, financially, you bet cha!
  9. 0
    dutchgirl,

    no worries. i was reffering to traumahawk about misunderstanding the post though i'm certainly glad you didn't!

    Quote from DutchgirlRN
    Bluenote, no I didn't misunderstand. I know you didn't mean that my son-in-law could be a murderer. I took it more that yes, Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde personality is a reality and seems the case with him. That is scary enough when you think about him being your daughters husband and father to your grandchild. I know he would never physically hurt them. Emotionally, financially, you bet cha!
  10. 0
    DutchgirlRN, I'm also sorry for the chaos you're placed in. I very much agree with Bluenote's, NurseRatchet's and CharlieRN's observations and recommendations. In a nutshell, with addicts like this...the charming devils...the old saying that always comes to my mind is...
    "Liar, liar, pants on fire".
    We all know this guy is going to use, baby/child in the family or not really doesn't matter. Young women also often believe that a baby will make it all better, which often isn't the case, but makes it more complicated and even more emotional and difficult. Hey, the guy has chose his mistress...his drug. Your daughter and your grandchild will always come second (if not last) as long as he is using...which sounds pretty bleak. I'm very sorry. But, the man can't be trusted, regardless of the words that spew out of his mouth. Another old saying which seems to apply here is...
    "The proof is in the pudding".
    So far, all he has been dishing out is tartar sauce.
    Oh DutchgirlRN, you have my heart. You really do.
    Last edit by Thunderwolf on Aug 14, '05


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