Is it right to pursue nursing if the school is 2 hrs away from husband & kids?

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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I have been a stay at home mom for the past two years and I finally got accepted into a nursing program for this coming Fall 2013 after 3+ years of application cycles. The school is two hours away from home. I have two kids (2 yr and 4 months). I have a science degree in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. Prior to being a stay at home mom, I was a pharmaceutical QA lab analyst for 6 years. But in my heart I always knew I wanted to become a nurse.

My husband knows it is my goal/dream to become a nurse (and it's truly not because of the money)but he is very unhappy about me going through the program because it means we will be separated as a family unit. We would only be able to see each other on the weekends and even then I would probably be so busy with school that even weekends will be dedicated for school. He wants me to apply to other schools in our area, which I have been but I never got accepted. I finally get accepted into a school 2 hours away and I am so heartbroken that he is not supporting me in my goal. He says I would be selfish neglecting my family and thinking only about myself and my own goals. We are financially stable, if my goal to become a nurse is to make more money, then my income is not needed so I shouldn't make decisions that could potentially break up our family. I feel absolutely terrible. =(

@Stephalump, for the record, my husband felt the same way as you feel about FBanh - that I didn't need to go to school, as I ran a business from home that supported the family.

I don't mean to be snarky here, but FBanh's situation hits me close to home.

After everything I've experienced in last 2 years, I now look back and genuinely feel my spouse never really cared about my goals for myself and was subtly sabatoging me from the outset. I become concerned for other women when I see them being made to feel guilty for having goals.:yuck:

I look back on my nearly 10 year marriage and think, "Why couldn't my spouse have supported me?" I supported him when he was unemployed for a few years. I encouraged him to go back to school. I'd been in school for several years off and on before I met him and before our youngest was born - I did take a break after his birth. Earning a degree was personally important to me and I no longer feel I have to apologize for desiring this.

I don't necessarily think FBanh's situation and mine are similar, except for a few things.

1) Her husband is not supporting her goals

2) She is being made to feel bad about having goals by her husband.

These 2 things stuck out in my mind as I read her posts and the ensuing comments.

My question is, how many women would support their spouses through thick and thin? It sounds like she has been supportive of his career even though it takes him away from the family. Why are women expected to put the needs of their spouse ahead of pursing their own fulfillment?:nono:

I know of a mom who obtained her PhD while going through a divorce with a toddler. She had to commute 1 1/2 hours away with her child to attend classes. She is now a college professor earning $100,000/yr. I think that, in some locales, traveling a bit may be necessary to earn a degree in the field of your choice. And in some locales, like mine in Northern Cali, earning a nursing license is an excellent way to be able to support your family financially. I don't believe anyone should be prohibited by a person they love from pursuing means to support a family.

As I read AN (and attend nursing school), I see lots of marriages failing to make it through nursing school, or through work as a nurse partially due to the fact that the other spouse has to take on family responsibilities because of the nature of school and work schedules in this field. I'd encourage every woman to be aware of the difference between sacrificing for your families best interest and being made to feel bad if your goals encroach on his comforts.

I used to feel like many of the posters on here, that it was my duty to be there for my children and do everything possible to keep my husband happy so that I could maintain an intact marriage so that my children would have a mom and a dad.

I now feel that if a husband (or wife) can't emotionally support a person through the trials and tribulations of getting into nursing school, he may end up not support her later. I further feel that if 1 spouse is not supportive of the goals of the other, the other spouse should probably not give up on bettering herself to appease him, as she will be putting herself at a disadvantage later.

I only hope and pray that this makes sense to some other women out there. I do not want to project my situation onto anyone, but I truly believe in this message I am trying to convey.

Did you read the OP's post?

#1 Her husband is employed

#2 She isn't commuting, she wants to uproot and MOVE the kids 2 1/2 hours away and deny the children their father 5 days a week while she goes to a school for a job she wants instead of needs.

#3 Her husband's issue isn't the degree itself (as he said that he wanted her to apply locally), it's the fact he doesn't want to be without his wife and children.

Pardon me, but I don't see where it's a spouse's right to unnecessarily separate the family unit for a "want" instead of a "need".

You show me a father that is ok with the above arrangement, and I'll show you a man with an alternative agenda.

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How easy is it to transfer into into one of your local schools if you start the program elsewhere? I would think that one semester of driving 2 hours would be doable if you could transfer closer for the second semester. Usually it is easier to transfer in, than it is to get into a program. Personally, I would not sacrifice that much of my family time for a whole 2 years with children that young...but that is just me. Nursing will always be there, the infant/toddler years will not. Why the rush? Take up a new hobby, start doing voluneteer jobs, or search for a part-time job in the healthcare environment while you wait. Once your kids are off to school, you will miss this time!

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My child was 11 years old when I went to school and I was 40. My husband was very supportive but it was still hard on all of us. Nursing school requires a huge time commitment. Depending on were you live look at the job market many nurses are not getting jobs after graduation. I would wait on school enjoy your kids. When they are older you will be better able to manage school and be able to set a good example of the importance of school and good study habits. Also waiting the job market might improve and make it easier to find a job in an area of nursing that interest you.

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I am in an ABSN second degree program 2 hours away from home. I do not have children at this time, but am living away from my spouse during the week and it is miserable. Not only is it lonely, but to have two sets of household expenses is causing a huge financial strain (in addition to the $75K student loan). Further, heading home on the weekends means I am not making any friendships/study partners with my classmates who remain here on the weekends AND am losing 4 hours of valuable study time to make the drive home. It's tough. I spent all of 2012 trying to get into local schools before going the private route out of area so I know that the waiting and rejection eats at you. If our relationship can survive this, it's solid, but really it's a DAILY struggle and would not suggest it to anyone.....

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I started nursing school when my little boy was 6 months old. I live an hour drive away from my school. I find the drive relaxing, I listen to lectures I recorded, itunes university speakers, Kahn academy speakers etc during my drive. I suggest you do 1 of 3 things. #1 Wait until your kids are older and by that I mean in Kindergarten. But really it just gets more hectic the older they get. You could contact the nursing school and verify what prereqs credits you will need and any other courses you could take online etc. My school kept pushing me towards their expensive and inflexible partner college. I found out they accepted credits from the community college and took all my classes there instead online or in flex classes for half the cost and hassle. #2 move your family midway between your husbands job and your nursing school. That way your commutes will be split and you can both do what you need to do. You also need to have a good nanny or caregiver on call for the days the kids are sick and you have an exam, clinicals, etc. You CAN'T miss. As far as you moving away from your family. Just don't do it. You will be so busy on the weekends studying, the weekdays you will figure out which classes are must go's vs the ones you can do the readings and still do well on exams. There are a few classes were the teacher just goes over the book, that class I hardly ever attended yet still got an A. I got 90% of my prereqs done before I set foot on nursing school campus, lots of other students did this too. If you move away from your kids, I think that is heart breaking you will always regret it, and your kids will internalize the abandonment. They will wish you to fail so you can go back to them. I find it encouraging to have my daughter see me study, see her learn anatomy with me, she can tell you every bone in the human body at 5 years of age all bc she is my study buddy :) Priceless memories. Good Luck!

Oh and for the record. The reason I am attending nursing school BSN is because I do not have support at home, I was a slave/assistant to my verbally abusive husband. I have the support of my friends and family. The funny thing was after all his threats he became nicer and more supportive each semester of school. Why? I believe it is because he see's I have options. Now I haven't decided if I will continue the marriage but it isn't so bad I will jump ship right now. I will be graduating with my BSN 5/2015 and when employed I will have endless options as a divorcee if need be. I can work live anywhere in the world and have a good job for myself and kids wherever life takes us.

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I don't know, this seems a little harsh. Now we know husband travels for work A LOT. SO she's already home with the kids alone a ton. Her plan is to take the kids with her, her mom is really supportive, so she wouldn't be away from the kids that much, just husband. Also, 2 hours isn't that far to drive. I can see now why she would be torn. My husband and I went through a period of time where he moved to Austin for a job and I stayed in California with my kids. We moved in with my parents for months. It was tough but we made it work. I followed my husband and waited around for years for his work situation to stabilize before going back to school, so I can see where she is coming from. You're telling her to review her wedding vows but maybe husband needs to do that as well.

Yeah, that. I don't think what OP is considering is the norm for a HAPPILY married woman, that said, where does that unhappiness come from? and what else would address it?

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fbanh,

I am 57 years old in my final year of an RN program. My daughter and my husband are my biggest supporters and I couldn't do this without their help. You are asking a lot from your husband, he has already indicated he is unhappy about that. He is allowed some input on a decision that impacts his life as much as this would. You only have one chance to see your kids grow up. How will you feel when that first step is taken, or that first word is spoken and you never get to see that? No offense but if you aren't working hard enough to get accepted at schools closer to you, what makes you think the one 2 hours away will be easier? Getting in is not the hardest part of nursing school, that is just the beginning of the hard work. Sometimes the best things in life are the things you wait the longest for and work hardest to achieve.

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

Yeah, that. I don't think what OP is considering is the norm for a HAPPILY married woman, that said, where does that unhappiness come from? and what else would address it?

This.

Something is obviously broken, and orthopedic shoes and med carts aren't going to be what fixes it.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

Did you read the OP's post?....

#3 Her husband's issue isn't the degree itself (as he said that he wanted her to apply locally)...

Did *you* read the OP's post?

She has applied to local nursing schools for 3 years.

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Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.

I would not leave my children like that. I agree with your husband.

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Did *you* read the OP's post?

She has applied to local nursing schools for 3 years.

And in that time, she has brought two children into the world. It is unfair and very selfish to expect her husband to be supportive of her decision to take his children and move two hours away, basically allowing him weekend visitation. HE will be the one who is missing those years with his children while she is pursuing a dream that could have been pursued before she decided to start her family and could just as easily wait until her circumstances change.

OP, I understand that you feel that your husband should be supporting you 100% in fulfilling your dream, but IMHO, you are being unreasonable and unfair not only to him, but to your children as well. I doubt you would have been as supportive of his MBA schooling if it entailed taking your children two hours away from you and expecting you to financially support him while his parents spent the majority of time with your kids. Think about it. In addition, you've basically told him you're going to be too busy to see him for two years. (And you probably will, nursing school IS very time consuming.)

You don't need the money because you're financially secure and you do have a degree that will make you employable if necessary, so why do you need to take such drastic measures to make this happen right now? Life is all about choices and consequences. I hope you know what you really want before you decide to go through with this, because there might not be any going back.

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I don't think you should give up because of your age, but I also don't think this sounds like the right time to be so far from your family.

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