The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and suspected chorio). But when I see that a patient has a birth plan I cringe! Maybe it's because every couple I've encountered with a birth plan have turned out to be the biggest PITA's I've had to deal with as patients- this last couple...sheesh, the dad interrogated my every action as though he thought I was going to hog tie his newborn daughter and assult her with formula and vaccines.

Their birth plan read as though it was copied out of a book...one of those ever popular "the medical industry and hospitals are EVIL and nurses are bullies and will bully you to do everything you don't want to do!!" Why are nurses and hospitals getting demonized so much? Do they really think we went into nursing because we like to harm babies and mothers and pi** off patients?

Ok, back to the birth plan thing: I've read plans that state "We require a private room" (good thing we have private rooms). "We demand immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding initiation" (gee, I was looking forward to poking your baby and letting him/her starve). "We do not want ANYONE in our room during labor except our accupuncturist and chiropractor".

I suppose these "requests" are not totally unreasonable, maybe it's just the way the plan is worded, and the defensive vibe I get from the patients who copy them from a book or author them themselves.

Specializes in Med-Surg.
The reason I say "ignorant" is because she clearly does not understand the physiology of the first 3 DOL if she thinks a pacifier will do no harm, she is mistaken. Which I could probably safely assume is why she had to supplement her kid.

Eh, I beg to differ. My daughter got a paci first or second DOL, and I BF her until she was 11 months old. I stopped because she lost interest, had too much to do and couldn't stop long enough to keep BFing. And *gasp* she also started getting formula along with her breast milk when I went back to work, caused no nipple confusion there either. Guess what? Super healthy kid, barely ever gets sick, and developmentally ahead of the curve by far.

I love breastfeeding, don't get me wrong. I'm just gonna say that sometimes the...lactivists was it? Well they get a little intense unnecessarily.

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
Eh, I beg to differ. My daughter got a paci first or second DOL, and I BF her until she was 11 months old.

That's awesome that she did so well. However, actual research has found that the early introduction of pacifiers can interfere with lactogenesis II, causing suboptimal milk production, which can cause supply issues for the life of the breastfeeding relationship, which often leads to premature cessation of breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding Problems Associated with the Early Introduction of Bottles and Pacifiers

Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC J Hum Lact June 1990 vol. 6 no. 2 59-63

The Effects of Early Pacifier Use on Breastfeeding Duration

Pediatrics Vol. 103 No. 3 March 1, 1999

pp. e33

(doi: 10.1542/peds.103.3.e33)

Randomized Clinical Trial of Pacifier Use and Bottle-Feeding or Cupfeeding and Their Effect on Breastfeeding

Pediatrics Vol. 111 No. 3 March 1, 2003

pp. 511 -518

(doi: 10.1542/peds.111.3.511)

I could go on, but I won't. Those are just the first three studies listed.

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Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.

I also want to comment on how interesting and frustrating it is that lactation seems to be one of the only fields in nursing where providing evidence based practice and informed consent is so frowned upon by the general public and other nurses. When we want to apply evidence based practice, we're branded "breastfeeding Nazis." By people within our own profession!

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Eh, I beg to differ. My daughter got a paci first or second DOL, and I BF her until she was 11 months old. I stopped because she lost interest, had too much to do and couldn't stop long enough to keep BFing. And *gasp* she also started getting formula along with her breast milk when I went back to work, caused no nipple confusion there either. Guess what? Super healthy kid, barely ever gets sick, and developmentally ahead of the curve by far.

I love breastfeeding, don't get me wrong. I'm just gonna say that sometimes the...lactivists was it? Well they get a little intense unnecessarily.

There is actually no such thing as nipple confusion. Babies are very smart. They get nipple preference because of a faster flow. Also, it is HIGHLY uncommon for a baby under 2 to quit breastfeeding on their own.

I only beg to differ if I have evidence to back it up, and anecdotal evidence means little to me.

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Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.

I have to agree with ratlady in that it is rare that babies self wean at such an early age. Around 1 year babies are mobile, their vision has improved considerably, and they get distracted easily by their environment. they no longer want to just lay in their momma's arms sucking away, which can lead some women to believe that hey do not want to nurse anymore, when really they just need intermittent breaks to explore. To say that a baby lost interest in it's primary food source seems rather weird to me.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

I'm not sure if anecdotal evidence is even being considered on this thread, but I gave 2 of my kids pacifiers and still breast fed 1 until age 1 yr. I supplemented with formula because I didn't understand that the more you use formula the more you will need to use it. My second child took a pacifier and breastfeed until age 2. He never had formula or milk until after 24 months.

I think my success may have been attributed to the fact that I was very committed to breastfeeding and researched a lot. Or maybe I'm just a super milk producer, lol!

My third, who breasted until age 36 months, never took a pacifier but he sucked his thumb till it was raw and bleeding---about 18 months or 2 yrs.

I think pacifiers are cautioned against because so many moms have difficulty breastfeeding r/t latching, milk production concerns, pain, etc that the addition of a pacifier adds a other potential problem.

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I also want to comment on how interesting and frustrating it is that lactation seems to be one of the only fields in nursing where providing evidence based practice and informed consent is so frowned upon by the general public and other nurses. When we want to apply evidence based practice, we're branded "breastfeeding Nazis." By people within our own profession!

With respect, ratlady called the pacifier birth plan mom an "ignorant weirdo." She explained away the "ignorant" portion in a later post as being a totally non-judgmental thing to say, but....c'mon. It's a sensitive and vulnerable time for moms and is a topic best handled with kindness in addition to evidence. I would put money on paci mom having had a bad experience with an "LLL nurse" as she put it.

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One of the more humorous birth plans I've seen had "code words" that all staff was supposed to use until after the mom delivered. There must have been close to 20 words that staff was forbidden to say around her, and of course, they were all words that you use routinely during a delivery. I honestly don't remember exactly what they were, but it was stuff like substituting "pressure" for "pain", "flowering" for "dilating", "relaxers" for "pain medication", "waves" for "contractions", etc... I remember the nurses were forbidden to use words like IV, monitor, needle, catheter, blood, basically anything that sounded remotely medical was taboo and had a substitute word for it.

The most ridiculous one I've seen dictated that the patient required 7 orgasms during the 2nd stage of labor to help her relax, and that the labor nurse should assist her with achieving those. Uh, hello?? Call me crazy, but isn't that called sex?? For the record, the nurse that was taking care of her said that she told her she would NOT be helping her with that part of her birth plan, but that if her husband wanted to take care of that, she would give them some privacy.

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Specializes in HH, Peds, Rehab, Clinical.

Sounds like some of these Momma's need to just deliver at home and be done with it. And what happens if the word "pain" slips out of a nurses mouth? If it got me reassigned I might consider letting it slip a whole lot!

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Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.
One of the more humorous birth plans I've seen had "code words" that all staff was supposed to use until after the mom delivered. There must have been close to 20 words that staff was forbidden to say around her, and of course, they were all words that you use routinely during a delivery. I honestly don't remember exactly what they were, but it was stuff like substituting "pressure" for "pain", "flowering" for "dilating", "relaxers" for "pain medication", "waves" for "contractions", etc... I remember the nurses were forbidden to use words like IV, monitor, needle, catheter, blood, basically anything that sounded remotely medical was taboo and had a substitute word for it.

I get this mom's reasoning, as anyone trying to go for a natural birth should first understand that pain is about the perception of pain, not necessarily the sensation. Since the words that we hear and pronounce often have a great impact on what we experience, it makes sense to try to keep any words that we associate with pain far from the labor room of a woman that does not wish to have any pain meds. Of course, getting hospital staff on board with this is probably going to be tough since, in many hospitals, they are very much there to manage a labor instead of support it.

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Specializes in Eventually Midwifery.

The most ridiculous one I've seen dictated that the patient required 7 orgasms during the 2nd stage of labor to help her relax, and that the labor nurse should assist her with achieving those. Uh, hello?? Call me crazy, but isn't that called sex?? For the record, the nurse that was taking care of her said that she told her she would NOT be helping her with that part of her birth plan, but that if her husband wanted to take care of that, she would give them some privacy.

Now THAT is funny! And that nurse was truly a good sport :sneaky:

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
Sounds like some of these Momma's need to just deliver at home and be done with it. And what happens if the word "pain" slips out of a nurses mouth? If it got me reassigned I might consider letting it slip a whole lot!

Which some might actually prefer. I wish it were that simple, but there are still states out there in which it is ridiculously difficult for a woman to birth at home. My state is one of those. There are two CNMs in the whole state that will do home births and CPMs cannot legally do them. This puts women in my state (and a few others) at pretty high risk if they choose to deliver at home. Either luck up and live close to a CNM that will do it, or go underground with a CPM who is unregulated.

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