have you had an abortion?

mother/babyRN, RN · May 25, 2004

I too have left more than one "discussion" group when actual discussions were deemed unacceptable...Sigh....

nekhismom · May 26, 2004

I'm NOT gonna shut down this thread or start moderating these posts here, not at this point. I just want to remind everyone to be civil.

As some of you have pointed out, you have very strong beliefs about this topic. THe VAST majority of the posters here have responded very maturely and have been quite supportive. Thank you, you know who you are.

But it seems like everytime an abortion topic is brought up, it gets really ugly, and name calling begins, then feelings get hurt, and it goes down hill from there.

So far, this thread has been pretty mild compared to some of the other threads on abortion. And I would like to see it remain that way. That's why I posted the reminder to be nice!

Open discussion is always allowed, and threads are not shut down just because they don't "feel good" on this forum. If threads are closed, it's because they get downright ugly. This thread is not ugly, and will remain open.

Thanks to everyone who is civil and respectful of others. Have a nice day, y'all.

Burnt Out, ASN, RN · May 26, 2004

I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.

I have never been in your situation, so I don't know what to tell you other than to talk with someone you trust (a close family member, a friend) or a counselor to help decide. This decision is totally up to you...whether others think it is right or wrong, or people are going to be angry or sad, you have to do what is best for you. Another thing would be to look at the websites that have been suggested...it might give you some additional insight.

I wish you peace in whatever decision you make...

kmchugh · May 26, 2004

I have realized there is one piece of advice I can offer. There are people out there, on both sides of this issue, whose views can best be described as malignant. These people are going to advise you to follow one path or another, not because that path is what is best for you, but because that advice fits their own personal agenda, your needs be damned.

Where ever possible, avoid these people. You will already know what they are going to say, so their advice won't be any help anyway. Regardless of what they tell you, they are not there to help you. If they sense that you are going to follow the path that they don't want you to follow, they will try everything they can think of to change your mind. They will yell, scream, and lay every guilt trip on you they can think of. You are going through enough, without adding this to the burden.

Kevin McHugh

RN_Amy, RN · May 26, 2004

I have not had an abortion (thank goodness) but have been faced with the situation. I believe God puts things into your life for a reason. I was 17 yrs old and still in H.S. Fortunatley, I have very supportive parents. I decided to keep my son. I finished my education, graduated with my class, and now I am in nursing school getting my degree. I dont know how I would handle it now if I would have killed my baby (because that is what I think it is). Everything is possible:) . There are many support groups out there that will help you. Have you thought about adoption. It is a wonderful option for you and the baby. The baby gets a chance at life. Birthright.org is a good place to start or any Crisis Pregnancy Centers. I hope this helps you and good luck!!!

I dont think the above poster is offering very much appropriate advice.

Preaching about Gods way, encouraging the OP not to "kill her baby" and wishing the OP "good luck" isn't going to help her make a decision that is most importantly right for her.

It's not only about the life and body of the OP, she is responsible for the baby, child and adult (ie. the other human life) that she may choose to bring into this world.

allnurses Guide · May 26, 2004

Well, I didn't have an abortion, but I was in the same situation. I put a baby girl up for adoption several years ago, after my boyfriend at the time lied about having a vasectomy and told me I didn't need to use birth control (obviously I was very young and believed him.) I didn't have any money, and the boyfriend skipped town as soon as he found out I was pregnant. My family was very upset and made it clear they wouldn't support me, financially or otherwise, and they refused to even speak to me, so I was pretty much on my own.
Even though it was an incredibly difficult and painful experience, I knew I would feel so much better years later if I didn't have an abortion. I don't hold it against anyone else for making that decision or judge them, and I'm not a religious person either. I just knew I personally couldn't live with it. Several years later, I'm pretty happy with my decision, although it's still emotional for me. Now that my daughter is an adult, I'm grappling with the question of whether I should attempt to get in touch with her or not.

Lizz - sending you a big hug for doing a brave thing. ((((lizz))))

RN Amy - folks are just sharing their own personal experiences. If God is part of the decision making, then so be it. I didn't read anything negative in the post. It is the same as folks mentioning going to Planned Parenthood.

Most of the posts have been very kind and I have to say that I appreciate everyone sharing their own personal stories for the OP.

thanks - steph

KMSRN · May 26, 2004

I need some advice and was wondering if anyone has ever had an abortion and regretted it? Can you please tell me why you chose abortion and how you came to decide that was the best choice for you. I am currently facing the question of abortion myself but I don't think I can go through with it. I don't personally know anyone who has had one who I can talk to about this. Anything would be appreciated; I would not judge anyone.

By this time your decision has probably already been made but if not, put yourself 10 years down the road and think what would be important to you. Sometimes in the stress of the moment we take the path of least resistance or convenience and later realize that it was not the best choice and has caused problems we never anticipated. What course of action will you be most proud of in 10 - 20 years.

Sheri257 · May 26, 2004

Well, I hope everyone realizes I wasn't trying to push any agenda, just sharing my story and another alternative, which is adoption. But, if the OP chooses not to do that, I agree that I have no right to judge her or anyone else for whatever choices they make or have made. And I hope I was clear about that point.

(P.S. Thanks Steph)

:coollook:

allnurses Guide · May 26, 2004

Well, I hope everyone realizes I wasn't trying to push any agenda, just sharing my story and another alternative, which is adoption. But, if the OP chooses not to do that, I agree that I have no right to judge her or anyone else for whatever choices they make or have made. And I hope I was clear about that point.
(P.S. Thanks Steph)

Perfectly clear . . . . it is impossible to share our own stories without sharing how we came to our decision.

Adoption is a very unselfish choice and all the parents who can't have children surely appreciate those you make that choice. That doesn't mean anyone is forcing a choice on the OP.

People are brave enough to share, lets not criticize them.

steph

Sheri257 · May 26, 2004

Adoption is a very unselfish choice and all the parents who can't have children surely appreciate those you make that choice.

I hope people aren't offended by this, but it is one of the reasons I chose adoption. I figured it was a relatively short term sacrifice, since there were tons of people who wanted to adopt the baby. I even had cash offers from various adoption attorneys but, I ended up going with a reputable non-profit agency which screened the parents, who had been waiting five years for a child. That was really important to me (screening the parents, that is) since I didn't want the child ending up in potentially bad family situation, like mine. Hopefully, they did a good job.

Kevin is right, though. What worked for me, may not work for someone else. I will say that everyone I knew at the time (and I mean everyone) pressured me to have an abortion (except, of course, the agency and the attorneys). Friends, family ... everyone I knew personally. Girlfriends who had abortions were especially argumentative about my choice. It was also difficult trying to explain my pregnancy, since I had to continue working to support myself. What do you say when you begin to show, and people ask what you're going to name the baby? There were all kinds of awkward situations like that. And, some people who knew about the situation were somewhat nasty about it, speculating and gossiping about who the father was, etc.

So, I really don't blame anyone who doesn't chose adoption either. It's definitely tough. Ultimately, I agree with Kevin. You can't listen to anyone else. You just have to listen to yourself.

Momto2Boys · May 26, 2004

Well, I hope everyone realizes I wasn't trying to push any agenda, just sharing my story and another alternative, which is adoption. But, if the OP chooses not to do that, I agree that I have no right to judge her or anyone else for whatever choices they make or have made. And I hope I was clear about that point.
(P.S. Thanks Steph)

Liz, I am glad that you did what you felt was best for you even with all the negative feedback you got. I can only imagine you conteplating now rather or not to contact her. That must be tough.

I have to write to the OP just to do what is best for you. Coming on here and getting advise or just feedback is a great way to help you get more info. I had my first son at 16 and got pregnant soon afterwards and just knew I could not handled another child at such a young age. I have no regrets. Best of luck and do what is best for you

a_clay · Jun 3, 2004

I am now 27 years old and I had an abortion when I was 18 years old. I was not ready to be a parent and the father was a man who had serious issues. He was older and very controlling. Before I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to leave him but he had been brainwashing me for a year and a half..telling me that no one wanted me...he was the only person who wanted me. I told him I didn't want to be with him anymore and he told me that he was going to kidnap me and rape me until I got pregnant because if we had a child then I could truly never "get away" from him..I would always have a tie to him. I left him and started seeing someone new..and a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I told the father as soon as I found out and we agreed that I should get an abortion. Then he decided we should keep the baby...he bought a house and asked me to marry him. I could NOT see myself with this crazy fool and didn't want a child that could end up like him, so I declined. He still lives in that house today. I was really scared, but I told the new guy that I was seeing that I was pregnant. He was fully supportive of whatever I decided to do. He even went with me when I got the abortion. I honestly have to say that having an abortion was one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my entire life. I was 8 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had the abortion. Including myself, there were about 30 females there getting an abortion and I was the ONLY person in that room that broke down and cried. When the father found out that I had an abortion, he beat me up. Before I found out I was pregnant I was one of those people that said I'd never have an abortion. But things were so different when I was standing in those shoes. It was pretty hard for me for the first couple of years when the "anniversary" rolled around. But I realized that I had to choose what was best for me and that no one else could decide for me. What you decided to do is between you and God and no one else. YOU have to decide what's best for YOU..in spite of what anyone else thinks. No one knows what's best for you more than you do. It was very difficult for me, but I feel in my heart that I made the best decision for myself. Now, 9 years later, I still do not have any kids, and I have not decided if that's something I want to do at a later time.