Absolutely the most entertaining birth plan I have ever read.... - page 4

While I realize we ALL promote less intervention and everything that goes along with "natural" delivery, I just HAVE to share this birth plan. It arrived along with a smiling primip with ruptured... Read More

  1. by   kmrmom42
    Quote from mjlrn97
    I think my own daughter (6 months pregnant) could have written that birth plan......especially the part about the annoying mother who means well!
    Not only did you words make me smile but your avatar did too!
    Thanks for the giggle!
  2. by   kmrmom42
    Quote from BabyRN2Be
    I'm a doula and I've seen my share of birthplans.

    That, by far, is the most hilarious one that I've ever seen.

    I think that the funniest I've ever seen was the mom who wanted various pieces of music playing at various times in labor. Brahms Concerto for latent, something more upbeat for active to the songs that she wanted in transition, 8cm, 9cm, 10 cm, a song to be played if she had a lip of cervix left, another one while pushing, yet another song to be played while crowning (I think it was the song that went "Let the Sunshine In"), one to be cued as soon as the head came out all leading up to a song as soon as the baby's feet cleared the vaginal opening. I don't have a copy of it because I wasn't her doula.

    I was wondering, if she wanted a doula for comfort measures and I suppose she did because she didn't want interventions, maybe she should have ordered a conductor to orchestrate all that! (no pun intended)

    Yes, she was a primip and probably didn't know that the world of L&D doesn't lend itself to easy schedules. It's all decided by the baby, not the conductor.

    Years ago I knew a psychotherapist who was also a musician. She advertised something similar as part of her practice. She would help expectant parents plan the music that would coordinate with the different stages of labor. As a childbirth educator I thought her ideas were intriguing but impractical. I think the most important thing about music in a birthing room is that it be a rhythm that helps the mother keep a normal pace to her breathing. (Polka music is out!!!) Also, it is important that the music chosen not be TOO irritating to the labor nurse (recalling a patient blasting real down home country music which kept me out of the room much of the day)!! Just kidding about that last....
  3. by   nursingblahblah
    Quote from mhull
    No Significant others, BOYFRIENDS, or other suprises........is she saying they have them, or that they just won't be arriving at the hospital during birth?
    i was thinking that too
  4. by   MamaTheNurse
    loved this birthplan!!!! where was this lady when I was working L&D? it got so that when people mentioned that they had a birthplan, I had to consciously supress a groan.......... (and then go stamp the c-sec papers just in case)
  5. by   Mugwump53
    I work with a Doc who hates birth plans. In fact, he tells his patients who come to him with a birth plan, to hit the road. Up front, he tells them he cannot be their doctor.

    I think, even he, would like this birth plan.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Those wanting the music to change w/each stage of labor and each breathing pattern, well they better hire a DJ. We dont' have time for that. Somehow I think these are a wee bit unrealistic; they are the ones who will have the hardest transition to parenthood after baby is here! You can't plan everything to death, esp with KIDS!
  7. by   sbic56
    Mermaid

    Thanks for sharing. I just forwarded that birth plan to my OB cohorts. I'm sure they'll love it as much as I did!
  8. by   Dalzac
    Quote from LPN1974
    Birth plans?
    I've never heard of such a thing. God, I wish they'd had em back in 1970.
    Things would have been alot different for me and my baby.
    Me too. my first two births were disasters because I would go from 3cms to ten in 60 seconds not a happy way to go. I was very nasty at the end becuase I couldn't get a nurse to check me until I would be crowning in the labor room and barely make it to delivery. My 3rd birth was much easier because my Doc told them when they called him to tell him I had come in "when she says check me you better go in with a catcher's mitt!"
  9. by   sbic56
    Quote from Dalzac
    Me too. my first two births were disasters because I would go from 3cms to ten in 60 seconds not a happy way to go. I was very nasty at the end becuase I couldn't get a nurse to check me until I would be crowning in the labor room and barely make it to delivery. My 3rd birth was much easier because my Doc told them when they called him to tell him I had come in "when she says check me you better go in with a catcher's mitt!"
    You are so fortunate to have had births as you experienced!! The nurses wouldn't have had time to follow any kind of birth plan for you except to CATCH! :chuckle
  10. by   WhatToDo
    It seems that this lady's mother and family were totally okay with not being in the room when she was pushing which is good. When I first read this all I could think of was my mother and how I would explain to anyone about my family situation.

    My mother has borderline personality disorder and severe depression and has abused me my whole life. I haven't spoken to her in 2 years now, but if and when I have children, no one but my husband and maybe a trusted friend will be allowed it the room (other than doctors and nurses). My mother would love to be the room so she could finally see my vagina and compare it to hers, make fun of my pubic hair or say something like "well I guess now you know the kind of pain I went through to have you" or "she should have an episiotomy, I had two."

    These things are never fun to tell anyone, many people just can't comprehend how any mother could treat her child this way, but it happens and I hope when I'm a nurse that I will know it when I see it and handle it with no questions asked.
  11. by   kmrmom42
    Quote from Mugwump53
    I work with a Doc who hates birth plans. In fact, he tells his patients who come to him with a birth plan, to hit the road. Up front, he tells them he cannot be their doctor.

    I think, even he, would like this birth plan.
    Well the good thing about this is that the patient finds out right away that this is not the doctor for her!
  12. by   rn/writer
    Thanks for sharing this hilarious plan. It's nice to see the thoughts of someone who has at least an acquaintance with reality.


    "If I am in serious labor, ready to push or just in a bad way I want EVERYone out of my room.
    (My husband and my nurse can stay, and the doctor too if the nurses think he should.)" :chuckle:chuckle:chuckle

    That last line is fabulous.

    Miranda F.
  13. by   sunnynurse
    LOved that birthplan!! We always groan when someone comes in with a birth plan, or as we call them.... "KOD" the Kiss of Death.

    If anyone wants a birth plan we always suggest that they review it with the midwife or doctor PRIOR to labor! Also it is more impressive to come in with a birth plan NOT copied directly off the internet... for goodness sake, just copy it to your word processing and make the changes then print that ! LOL we do laugh at the ones with the options left blank - like who will be there and husband, boyfriend, signifcant other are all listed!

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