New graduate looking for any type of cover letter critique

  1. 0
    If anyone has any advice on how I could improve my cover letter, I would greatly appreciate it

    January 30, 2013

    Dear Nursing Recruitment,


    In May of 2013, I will graduate from the University of XX with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Professional Nursing. Your hospital has an admirable reputation for excellence that I would be grateful to be a part of. I would like to apply for xx position as an opportunity to begin my career as an honest, confident, compassionate new graduate nurse.

    As my enclosed resume indicates, I have excelled in my nursing program with a reputation of excellence in nursing scholarship and achieving several honors. While maintaining academic excellence, my extracurricular activities have provided me further clinical experience. As a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician for the past six years, I have had the opportunity to care for hundreds of patients in need of emergency medical intervention. I have gained many technical skills, as well as the ability to communicate and care effectively for patients in emergent situations. I am able to rapidly assess critical patients and begin emergency interventions with confidence. I balance my academics, and volunteer work, with a position as a Resident Care Assistant where I have specialized in Alzheimers/Dementia care as well as end of-life care. This position has taught me organization skills and time management while I maintain the medication administration of up to twenty residents per shift while providing daily care. I have traveled to Africa and South America to work with diverse populations in order to enhance health and quality of life in developing countries. These experiences have allowed me to employ the nursing process in a unique setting and provide unbiased holistic care to a vast range of people suffering. My unique experiences have sculpted me into a confident and compassionate nurse.

    My application can only begin to show you my enthusiasm and readiness for this position. I would be grateful for the opportunity to meet you and further discuss my qualifications in detail. I will follow-up with you in the week of ______. In the interim, I can be reached at 802-XXXXXXX or email. Thank you for your considering me for this opportunity

    Sincerely,

    Name
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  4. 5 Comments so far...

  5. 0
    I am curious how you haven't graduated yet, but you state that you have already used the nursing process in outside applications? Did you practice nursing without a license? In addition, stating you are a confident nurse as a new nurse is overstating. I am not always confident and I graduated in May of 2011. You may want to direct that you are interested in learning instead of stating that you are already confident in nursing.

    ~ No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent -Eleanor Roosevelt ~
  6. 0
    Way too long. Way too personal. Way too many adjectives. Way too cocky. Sorry, but hiring managers don't have time to read your autobiography. 2 short paragraphs is all anyone needs, especially a new grad.

    Paragraph one should state "I'm writing with interest in the RN position I saw advertised on your company's website. I have read your mission statement and researched your facility's goals, and I believe I could be an asset to your team in achieving them."

    Paragraph two: "I have valuable experience as an EMT for X years and volunteer LTC aide for X years. I have traveled extensively and easily adapt to many environments. This, combined with my clinical and academic training in nursing, have helped me prepare for a nursing career that I would like to start with your company. I would look forward to learning from and working with your team. Please review my enclosed résumé. Feel free to contact me any time at ######## or email@email.com. Thank you for your time."

    Save the "compassionate" adjective for your 3-bullet-point attention-grabber at the top of your résumé. And leave out "honest." If I see that I immediately think you have a REASON you have to purposely, specifically describe yourself as "honest."

    Consider the hiring manager who is reading through a stack of 200 of these. If you're so compassionate and confident, you'll be mindful of other's time. And aware that as a new grad, you don't have enough history/experience as a NURSE to warrant a cover letter as long as that. Keep it about you as a nurse - and less about your personal beliefs, description of your personality or what countries you've been to.
  7. 0
    I hire RNs. I like a nice, complete cover letter that is tailored to my facility- so I think the length is fine. But, what I want to know is what you will SPECIFICALLY do for ME. I want to know what you will offer to the patients on this specific unit. How are you going to professionally represent yourself, and therefore the facility, to the community and to individual patients??
  8. 0
    Thank you so much for your opinions- I appreciate your honesty! I I have made some revisions trying to follow all of the advice given- please let me know if I am on the right track/if any other improvements can be made- is it still too long?

    January 30, 2013

    Dear Nursing Recruitment,


    In May of 2013, I will graduate from the University of XX with a Bachelors of Science Degree in Professional Nursing. I believe I would be an asset to XX Hospital, where providers are committed to providing care for every person, mind body and spirit as stated. I would like to apply for the Emergency Department RN position to begin my nursing career.

    As my enclosed resume indicates, I have excelled in my nursing program with a reputation of excellence in nursing scholarship and achieving several honors. I have gained valuable experience in emergency medicine as a volunteer Emergency Medical Technician contributing over 3,000 hours of service to my collegiate squad. Through my volunteer work, my position as a Resident Care Assistant, and my travel experiences, I have had the opportunity to provide care to a large variety of patient populations. I believe my diverse extracurricular experiences, along with my clinical and academic nursing curriculum have provided a strong foundation for me to build upon as I begin my career in nursing. If selected as a new graduate Registered Nurse at your facility, I would be committed to providing quality care to patients at all times and continuing to learn and expand upon my clinical knowledge in collaboration with your healthcare team.

    My application can only begin to show you my enthusiasm and readiness for this position. I would be grateful for the opportunity to meet you and further discuss my qualifications in detail. I will follow-up with you in the week of ______. In the interim, I can be reached at xx or xx. Thank you for your considering me for this opportunity.

    Sincerely,
    Name
  9. 0
    Cut the whole "if selected....." part out.

    Cut the "cannot begin to show you my enthusiasm and readiness" bit. Sounds so desperate and immature.

    Cut the specific time you'll follow up. What, do you think a busy DON/HR person is gonna clear their schedule and sit by the phone waiting for your call? Just let them know YOU'LL be available to answer THEIR call at THEIR convenience......like I advised.

    Figure out a way to cut out all the "me, my & I" in this letter and focus more on "you, your, & patients."

    Cut the length by about 1/3.

    I read TONS of cover letters & resumes. Trust me.....even this revised one would be rejected by my team. Sorry. It's tough out there.


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