Weirdest, funniest, grossest male teenager pt. Stories - page 7

What are some of your alls funniest, grossest, wierdest stories that deal with male teenagers??????... Read More

  1. by   shhhh
    I think all of us here would use some common sense and NOT post stories about male, underage patients that reflect poorly on us as the nursing professionals who care for them. Whatever a creepy pedophile wanted to hear about, I really doubt we would comply and give them any of the indecent stories that they desire. Sadly, someone like that probably knows where they can obtain abhorrent things like that online.

    Since I have a younger teenaged brother, male cousins ranging in age, and am married to a former Marine (who was raised in a house full of boys and no sisters), I can without any doubt state that the "gross" mentioned in the OP had more to do with BOOGERS than anything else.

    So to lighten the mood, here's a list of things that landed all of these fellows I'm related to in the ER, some with the possibility of an overnight stay in the hospital (cue "Jackass" theme song):

    1) Inserting keys into an electrical outlet (toddler was just fine! It just dimmed all the lights in the Coast Guard Base for a few seconds)
    2) Rollerskating down slide.
    3) "Sledding" down stairs in a laundry basket.
    4) Sliding down a slide on river rafting sandaled- feet.
    5) Thinking Dimetapp has a yummy grape candy flavor, and drinking four bottles of it.
    6) Deciding riding a razor scooter down a steep, grassy incline while wearing a backpack full of high school textbooks is a great idea.
    7) Thinking jumping on a bed is enjoyable (they all did this, and our family has pictures of all of them with all their black eyes- none of us girls did this!).
    8) Beans up nose.
    9 Button up nose.
    10) Bean in ear.
    11) Bug in ear.
    12) Accidentally swallowing Crash Test Dummies action figures heads (see:
    13) Pretended that the porch was a "tightrope", attempted to "walk the tightrope" and then promptly fell off and broke arm.
    14) "Homemade fireworks"
    15) Offensive warfare with wiffle bats.

    Near misses I should include that could have resulted in injury if it wasn't for an adult stopping them:
    1) Offensive warfare with claw hammers.
    2) Jumping off top bunk of bunk bed holding a plastic grocery shopping bag "parachute"
    3) Jumping from roof, onto trampoline, with intent of jumping on trampoline, then off trampoline, then flying through the air and landing in swimming pool.
    And last, but not least:
    4) Feeding the very hungry arabian stallion a carrot "like a mommy bird does a baby bird".

    Despite what you might assume (people who are childless/was never a young boy/never grew up with young male relatives), we were not raised by terrible parents; us girls in the family NEVER got hurt and all of us are still alive to this day. I think it's just a boy thing. Now, I don't think anyone of them did anything weird, funny, or gross while in the hospital because mom was so mad at them for landing themselves in the hospital, all they did was lay there in fear and do exactly what they were told!
    Last edit by shhhh on Aug 11, '11
  2. by   rn/writer
    Our younger son tried to bungie jump off of his top bunk using a rope. Label that, "Unclear on the concept." He also jumped off a two story deck using an umbrella. The only access to this deck was off the dining area next to the kitchen. He was out there playing--where I thought he was SAFE! The next thing I know, he's coming in the house through the front door all scratched up. He did both of these things around the age of seven or eight.

    Another time he got stuck so high up in a tree that he called for help. He was higher than any of our ladders reached. My husband had the presence of mind to ask him what branch he was on before the one he was on now. He touched it with his foot. "And the one before that?" He lowered himself to that one. It took about ten minutes, but dh talked him all the way down.

    Our other son did some bonehead things, too, but nothing is coming to mind right now.

    Four daughters, and not a one of them thought of goofy things like this to do. I heartily believe the Y chromosome generates these crazy ideas. That, or the double X filters them out.
    Last edit by rn/writer on Aug 12, '11
  3. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    My brother, sister, and I would crawl out the skylight of our large three-story house to sit straddling the peak of the roof; we also would jump off the roof of a one-story annex, and see how high we could climb in a particularly good climbing tree. None of us, thank God, ever got a broken bone. I just want to say that boys are not the only ones who have a corner on the market for doing bonehead things. We generally did not get into trouble because we never got caught! Once many years later at a small family reunion, we shocked my mother when we reminisced about these things;"Whhhaaatttt? And I always thought my kids were so well behaved!" My brother also told her he was "through being a wino" by the time he was 14. Poor Mom, somewhat disillusioned, but still happy with how we all turned out, after all. (and P.S. my brother was no more gross or disgusting than my sister and I; We WERE however , into being extremely SILLY!)
    Last edit by No Stars In My Eyes on Aug 12, '11
  4. by   TeenyTinyBabyRN
    This wasn't a patient, it was my brother, when he was about 9 (I am 2 years older). We were in the car, and my mother was driving us home from soccer practice. He had a plastic watch that he had worn for months, without taking it off, during a shower, swimming, soccer practice... or ever. Well he decides, for some reason, to take it off in the car, and off with it comes a layer of skin. The skin on his wrist was the most fungusy, disgusting, bumpy, raw skin, you have ever seen. Then the smell just about punched me in the face. My mom and I were gagging and my mom kept screaming, "Where is that coming from?!?" I manage to direct my mother to the source of the smell, while trying to choke back the vomit that keeps rushing into my mouth. My mother then promptly threw the watch out the window.
  5. by   R!XTER
    Sometimes I really wish people would lighten up... In defense of the OP, I am sure all he/she meant was that teenage boys have a (well-deserved) reputation of doing silly/funny/yucky things. Can't we all have an innocent laugh??

    I work adult ER, so I don't care for too many teenage boys, but the other day a 21 year old guy (close enough!) came in with an un-related complaint, however he did think it was necessary to mention that while on spring break -in a less modernized country - he somehow sustained a deep laceration to the left buttock by "falling through a glass door" (he admitted that a LOT of alcohol was involved in that situation!) His slightly less drunk friend took him to the hospital. The friend being a medical student had a student ID for a well-known American hospital. He managed to convince the MD's that he was an American doctor, and wanted to stitch his friend's lac, to which they agreed!! I asked my patient how on earth he allowed his friend to suture him and he responded "Oh I didn't! I was on another planet at that point!" Then, a few weeks later, once he was home, he didn't want to go to the hospital or doctor to have the sutures removed, so he allowed his sister - with no medical training - to remove the sutures!! The attending MD who examined him said his buddy actually did a pretty nice job - he'd healed very well I kind of wanted to be annoyed at him for being such a bonehead, but he was just so adorable that I couldn't! He admitted that he made some dumb decisions, but couldn't stop saying how much fun he had! I guess teenage stupidity doesn't end at 19... Haha!
  6. by   R!XTER
    Here's one more - a 22-ish guy was sent from a psych facility for alcohol intoxication. He was perfectly calm, but had a history of aggression/violence so we had a PCA stay with him the whole time he was there. He kept asking one of the female PCA's if she could take him down to the basement (in a clearly sexually motivated way) that she got so frustrated and had to ask for a different assignment...He stayed with us the whole night, and just masturbated the whole time! He payed no mind that someone was there observing him all the while...the poor PCA's were so disturbed! Finally towards morning I asked the attending what the plan was for him and he replied "Oh, we gotta get him discharged before we have to admit him for third-degree burns!!" Hahaha!
  7. by   SHGR
    Awww, man, I thought this was going to be a funny thread. So disappointed. As the proud possessor of a very, very adolescent-male-style sense of humor in which farts are hilarious, I am so, so, very disappointed that everyone's minds turn to "PERV!" Really... maybe I am just naive...but, the teen boys that were my patients at the peds hospital cracked me up so much every day. I loved it. They had to do stuff like fill in their own hospital admit paperwork. "What can we do to make your stay here better?" "Do my every bidding." I still think that's funny, yeeeeears later.
    **off to find "funny" somewhere else**
  8. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    I can just say when I was a teenage boy, they ought to have given me my very own ER room for the summertime.

    MONDAY: Wanted to go fishing, climbed a Cawtawba Tree to get Cawtawba Worms (for bait), and fell on tin, needing stitches- didn't get to go fishing.

    TUESDAY: ER Head of Emergency Department was reviewing charts, seen that I had not been XRayed, and called me back into ER, Stiches cut, opened back up, and irrigated. Stitched shut.

    WEDNESDAY: Successful worm collecting (Had to sneak out after parents went to work), called friend, picked him up on GoKart, caught several, Friend caught large Catfish (was afraid to pull fish of hook), slung fish over to me. Out of reflex, I put my hand up to catch it, and got finned on my hand. That night by about 7, my hand had swollen into a baseball. There was a "Fishing Line" looking string coming out of where I got finned, and my mother thought I had gotten a hook in my hand, (ended up being part of the fin that comes out), and was removed by cutting a small incision beside it and MD got it out, stitched it up, and on to Thursday.

    THURSDAY: Woke up to what felt like getting shot in the leg. Leg had swollen overnight (where I had got gashed on the Tin), and popped open. Went to show my father (my brother vomited, and passed out). Back to ER, Irrigated, left open for Skin Graft, and dressing care. Cried self to sleep thinking it would always look horrindous, and worried they would take my leg. (poor teaching if you ask me, but I remember being afraid to ask what they would do next.)

    FRIDAY: Swelling totally gone, a clean looking wound, some debridement, Stitched shut, discharged home on antibiotics, and Tylenol #3.

    FRIDAY EVENING: Noticed I felt funny after nap on Sofa, went to look in mirror, and noticed I was a funny color with funny feeling in throat and mouth. Called my mom at work, and realized I couldn't talk, Mom rushed home- short of breath by then, and whistling sound with breathing (I sounded like my Boston Terrier does now, Lol). Allergic Reaction.

    SATURDAY: Intubation removed, feeling much better begging for "Real" food (turned down), and to go home, (also turned down).

    SUNDAY: D/C'd Home, Really feeling guilty now about Hospital Bill (my family was not rich), and just wanting to be home. 4 miles away from Hospital, Head-on collision. My seatbelt malfunctioned, Hit the dashboard from rear seat. Lost 6 baby teeth, and broken jaw, clavicle, several rib Fx, and had some mild internal bleeding. All other family members were fine (I was the one with the ER curse), and was Air Lifted to Level I trauma. 3 more weeks in a hospital, and I knew 2 things.

    1. I didn't want to go to a hospital for a LONG LONG LONG time.
    2. I wanted to be a Nurse.
    Last edit by BostonTerrierLoverRN on Apr 8, '12 : Reason: Poor Written English Abilities, Lol.
  9. by   No Stars In My Eyes
    BTL....WOW! And if it were me I'd never want to go fishing again, either! What a spectacular story!
  10. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    I should hold the "stitch" record at my local county hospital from my youth, but regardless- I was never afraid of a scar competition, that boys are sooooo fond of, and only lost one in my youth!
  11. by   An_Apple_a_DayLVN
    Here they "roll" yards. Literally get toilet paper, and roll your yard with a case or more of toilet paper. It looks like there has been a snow storm!

    It is messy, and worse after a rain. They usually do it in Fall around Halloween.
  12. by   Sue Damonas
    Quote from DeLanaHarvickWannabe
    I didn't think this changed once the teenage years were over - I have two male friends in their 20s who try to regularly outfart each other, and think it's even more awesome when women are around to witness!

    Also, I had a boyfriend who just did it whenever. One time I asked him if he could at least hold it until we were out of the car, and he said, "I didn't know you could hold it!"
    My brother and his friends high five one another when one of them clogs a toilet. These are middle aged men!!!
  13. by   Alex Egan
    I work summers at a camp. Co Ed 7-16 plus counselors 20+. We have observed that two boys in a room will quickly develop bunk funk, to the point we have to air it out after they leave. Girls in the same type of room for the same amount of time, do not leave funk. I had a boy about 13 who presented with a large blister covering half the bottom of his foot, ON BOTH FEET. They popped soaking his shoes and leaving flaps of skin the soze of an instant waffle hanging off the bottoms of his feet. He was positively hobbled. I dressed them and asked just how he managed to get such big blisters. He replied that he was playing basket ball on the asphalt barefoot. I angerly looked at his counsoler, who immediately broke down and admitted he had done it too, and had matching wounds!