The help desk -- how may I help you?

  1. Please Help

    --------------------------------------------
    Help desk: What kind of computer do you have?
    Customer: A white one...
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
    Help desk: Have you tried pushing the button?
    Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
    Help desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
    Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
    my desk... sorry ....
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
    Customer: Your left or my left?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: Good day. How may I help you?
    Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
    Help desk: Would you click on start for me and ...
    Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not
    Bill Gates damn it!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try says
    'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front
    of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: I have problems printing in red...
    Help desk: Do you have a colour printer?
    Customer: No.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: And now hit F8.
    Customer: It's not working.
    Help desk: What did you do, exactly?
    Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
    Help desk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
    Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
    Help desk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
    Customer: OK
    Help desk: Did the keyboard come with you?
    Customer: Yes
    Help desk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
    keyboard?
    Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter
    V as in Victor, the number 7.
    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    A customer couldn't get on the internet.
    Help desk: Are you sure you used the right password?
    Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
    Help desk: Can you tell me what the password was?
    Customer: Five stars.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: What antivirus program do you use?
    Customer: Netscape.
    Help desk: That's not an antivirus program.
    Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver and my
    computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
    Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please
    tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
    Help desk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
    Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
    hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Help desk: How may I help you?
    Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
    Help desk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
    Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
    <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->
    •  
  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   TxMeadowsLVN
    lol good ones
  4. by   AFWife
    I've worked as tech support for a computer company before. You would not believe some of the things people call in about. Too funny. :chuckle
  5. by   lovingangeluk
    Customer: I have problems printing in red...
    Help desk: Do you have a colour printer?
    Customer: No.
    LOL these are great, this one had me in stitches
  6. by   lil' girl
    And one more, the customer called and told the rep that her puter only had a black screen, and the rep asked if it was plugged and she said yep, and he told her to check again and she said yep, so he asked if it was turned on and she said yep, rep was stumped and again asked if it was turned on she said yep, but you know its funny the screen didn't go black until the electricity went out.

    Good ones bedlam
  7. by   akcarmean
    Lol
  8. by   gwenith
    I still love the one about the pop-out coffee cup holder that all computers have these days......................
  9. by   donmurray
    This one is long, but is my favourite...

    Actual dialog of a former Word Perfect Customer Support employee:

    "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

    "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

    "What sort of trouble?"

    "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

    "Went away?"

    "They disappeared."

    "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

    "Nothing."

    "Nothing?"

    "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

    "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" >

    "How do I tell?"

    "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

    "What's a sea-prompt?"

    "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

    "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

    "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

    "What's a monitor?"

    "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

    "I don't know."

    "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

    "Yes, I think so."

    "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

    ".......Yes, it is."

    "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

    "No."

    "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

    ".......Okay, here it is."

    "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

    "I can't reach."

    "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

    "No."

    "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

    "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

    "Dark?"

    "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

    "Well, turn on the office light then."

    "I can't."

    "No? Why not?"

    "Because there's a power outage."

    "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

    Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

    "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

    "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

    "Really? Is it that bad?"

    "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

    "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

    "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
  10. by   Pattiecake
    OK, I just had to respond to this. You realy get the prize for this. I can't stop laughing. Have to share what happened this week at work. My AA's printer croaked, so we ordered a new one. When it arrived I asked her how she liked it. She said that she couldn't get it to work. "It arrived with a CD, but I can't find a slot in the printer to put the CD in."
  11. by   sandypinktruck
    I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face. This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The engineers rolled on the floor! Especially note the last couple of sentences.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

    If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).
    Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

    Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.
    Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method
    Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method.

    Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.
    It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

    Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer
  12. by   nursedawn67
  13. by   Pattiecake
    OK, that one was a real saver!
    Pat
  14. by   Fluesy
    I am sending this to my computer tech friend!!

close