Share Your Funniest Patient Stories...

[Trvln Nurse]

We all have lots of stories to tell. I thought it would be fun if we shared a few of our funniest patient stories with each other.

Here's mine...

I keep remembering a particular incident a few years back. It wasn't even my patient.

I was heading down the hallway on the CCU unit in which I worked. I was minding my own business, heading down the hallway and I just happened to glance into a patient room...

I couldn't believe what I saw...

An older gentleman, who clearly was having some post-op dementia after open heart surgery....

he was sitting up in the middle of his bed and with knees bent and feet braced at the bed rail for extra support....

With both hands...

HE WAS PULLING on all of his CHEST TUBES with ALL OF HIS MIGHT!!!

Needless to say, I sprang into action along with all the surrounding nursing staff. It took security along with all of us to restrain this man so he wouldn't hurt himself. Though it wasn't funny at the time....I can't get this picture out of my mind and find it amusing to remember.

What's your story?

[DiabloFreak]

I am currently a nursing student. This last quarter was psych rotations and I have to tell you that it is definatley not the field for me. My first few patients went off without a hitch. But, my last day there i had a paranoid schizophrenic. The whole day i tried to get him to talk to me but all he would do was mumble to me to go away. Well it was the end of the day and i was getting ready to leave. I had a few last questions to ask him for my paperwork so i slipped in after he had taken his meds in hopes that he would be more lucid. He would not stop talking. I absolutley had no clue what he was saying, and it made me feel so bad that he was finally talking and i could not understand a word he was saying. I asked him to slow down and try speaking more clearly. This was definatley a mistake. The whole time he had been asking me to get in bed with him. He told me how noone would mind. Then he grabbed my hand and would absolutley not let go. Luckily i finally managed to get my hand away from him. I practically ran out of the room and right towards my fellow students. They asked me why i was so white and i had to tell them i had just been propositioned. That was two weeks ago. Needless to say the whole class now knows about my "experience".

[alesamayi]

Stationed at National Institutes of Health - Bethesda Maryland - doing Melanoma Cancer Research on a Surgical ICU. One of the drugs we were using was Interlukin 2 (IL2) - it had some of the most god awful side effects I have ever seen - much worse that "regular" chemo.

One of the worst was Cerebral Edema to the point of a patient being vented. Mr. T was on his second day post extubation. The after effects of this edema are confusion and paranoia. And Mr. T was high level paranoia. Not violent at atll (THANK GOD) but truly convinced people were trying to kill him.

His wife was sitting with him one day - I took in his noon meds. I had been listenening to some of his conversation outsied the door - when I approached his bed - he looked at his wife and pointing at me - Mt. T said - and even TINKERBELL is in on it!!!!!!!!!!! I was trying so hard not to laugh but I just had to.

For the rest of my time at NIH - my name was TINKERBELL!!!!!!!!

[BJLynn]

One of my residents came down to the med room so I could flush her G-tube and give her some feeding through it.

Me: Ok, time for your tube flush and feeding.

Her: You can't do it.

Me: Oh? Why not?

Her: Tube's not there.

At which point I undo her binder to look, and lo and behold, no g-tube.

Me: Well, where is it.

Her: In the bathroom where it fell out.

Me: (not knowing whatelse to say) Well, go get it!

She goes down to her room, gets the g-tube and brings it back to me just as nice as can be. I promptly sent her into the ER to have it replaced. At the ER they put a new one in. AND sent the old one back!! LOL

[hotsauce]

im just a nursing student, and im almost ending my first year. Only 2 more years to go! haha anyways, last quarter was our first qtr in the hospital. One of my pt's was a middleaged man. he was hoping to be discharged that day. and i dont know why but it totally caught me off guard. i was walking past his room and he got my attention and then he said "Ya ever shaved a man before?" in this creepy voice. haha I was thinking "yeah only every other day though." Who asks that? HAHA he was such a sweetheart though because he wanted me to get experience. So I shaved his face :) He said, "Shave like you'd shave your legs" haha i wont forget that one.

OR

the time i was working as a patient transporter (talk about a workout!) i was moving this elderly women who had alzheimers. she was completely restrained, she wasn't going anywhere! ... i had to move her from the SNU to the complete opposite side of the hospital. she was saying some pretty disturbing things but then she kept saying "Open the doors!" and then she'd try to spit, but oh man.. i always do the impersonation because THAT is much funnier haha just the way she was spittin like a little old lady. It was amusing to me. When i got to our destination to the other side of the hospital... the other nurses found it amusing too so i wasnt alone hehehe

EVERYONE have an *AMAZING* day! :)

OH! p.s. IF ANYONE HAS SOME GOOD TIPS FOR ME TO KEEP IN MIND THROUGH SCHOOL, THAT WOULD BE GREAT! ...maybe anything that you wished you would've known? :):):)

[rngreenhorn]

We're still not sure whether this guy is a pervert or whether it was a case of really bad timing:

My co-worker was in a room helping a man who had had a stoke use the urinal. Just as she was pulling his underwear down, the man asked, "have you met Oscar?"

Come to find out the man did a have stuffed animal in his bed that he had named Oscar.

[Colorado1]

so in the middle of the night i go in to give a patient his pain pills. i hand him his water pitcher (ours are opaque with the logo and a big bendy straw). he takes his pills and immediatley starts sputtering and spitting... "that was piss". i was shocked!!! "what?" he said he peed in his water jug. when i asked him why in the world he would do that, he said he didn't think he could get to the bathroom in time. now maybe i'm insensitive, but i didn't even apologize. i figure anyone stupid enough to piss in their water pitcher on purpose deserves to take a good swig.

[TDub, MSN, EdD]

Colorado1 said:

We had a patient with an interesting tattoo on her ankle. My co-worker asked her what it said, and she told her it was Arabic for "strong woman" or something like that. She said she had translated it on the internet and took the page to her tattoist to create.

Well, this nurse was a former linguist in the military and just couldn't make sense of this tattoo. Later that night she busted out laughing when she finally deciphered the true meaning... "search results not found".

This is why I don't think you should be allowed to get a foreign language/alphabet tattoo unless you SPEAK THAT LANGUAGE!

[nursing twin, CNA]

My sister who is also in nursing school was working and told to give a rectal temp on a dying man who could not hold the thermometer in his mouth. She hadn't been a CNA long and didn't realize the button on the end was not for registering the temp but it was the ejection button for the plastic sheath. I'm sure that didn't feel too good.

[regulating and lovin]

As a new nurse, I was assigned to this fella who had undergone a TURP a couple of days prior. This guy thought he was God's gift to all nurses. When we walked past his room ,he would actually do the catt call thing. This usually (of course) was worse when his buddies were visiting. Well, the day came to remove his foley..I didn't have him this particular day, but another new nurse did and I agreed to go with her so maybe he wouldn't be so crude. (Now, we all know how big those foleys that are used for TURP's..) anyway, the guy had like 5 or 6 friends in and instead of making them step out, we just pulled the curtain around. My friend was from a very rural area and was kind of loud. I had cautioned her that the foley would be quite large. When she pulled the blanket down, we discovered the foley was standard size and she yelled out.."Well, good lord, I thought you said this thing would be great big! It's the puniest little thing I've ever seen. Nothing to write home about here!!" The guys buddies were absolutely howling on the other side of the curtain, I was about to slide down the wall and she didn't even realize everyone on the other side of the curtain thought she was talking about his member! That guy NEVER made another off color remark to the nurses again.

[nursechris1]

This was about 15 years ago, when I was a CNA. I was working in a nursing home. We had a patient who was 103. I was putting him to bed, and I leaned over to give him a hug goodnight. He grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. I couldn't get away. Finally, he let go, and asked "was it good for you?" :smackingf

Another time, He told me that he would like to marry me, but it wouldn't be fair, as he "was flat down there". (He had no member, he had penile cancer, and it had been removed!)

[BigDog]

Help I seeem to have a foot in my throat. 90 yr old lady and she is deaf as post.As I attempt to administer procardia s.l. in the middle of a 20 bed PACU I yell Lift your head I've got a little tongue for ya, instead of lift your tongue etc. Assoon as I said had to look to see who noticed,of coorifice evryone heard it, but the kicker was the pts response,she says to me OK dear do what ya gotta do.Thats when I burst out laughin she didnt hear anything we said to her.

[coral0033]

It was in the 60s i worked in England told to ac ompany a porter to the matury with a deceased patient as we approached the matury the porer let go of the trolly not knowing that an incline was there the trolly started to move----- ofcourse i let go of he trolly, an and screemed

coral033