Every "Hormone Hostage" knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
TOP 14 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
Pass My Shotgun
Psychotic Mood Shift
Perpetual Munching Spree
People Make Me Sick
Provide Me with Sweets
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly; Men Suck
Pack My ****
Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
Jan 21, '02
!!!THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT!!!
Jan 21, '02
This whole menstruation thing pisses me off anyway!!
I'm old! I should have had my menopause by now, but NOOOOOoooo. As a matter of fact, I asked my doc to run the hormone test and he called me and told me that my hormones were postmenopausal ON THE DAY that I OVULATED right on bleeding schedule. I haven't been 24 hour late for a period in about 20 years.
Where is the justice in that? I did the providing for our household, and my husband SORT of shared in that, but he never had any input in any of the other stuff around the house. I did the husbandly thing, so I decided that HE should take over the bloody menstruating every stupid month.
I think he was afraid to decline. So he TOLD me he'd take over and I could leave off, but did he? NOOOoooooo
My plan has always been to avoid any menopausal symptoms and just simply shut down production. But I'd intended to do it years ago!!
WHO DO I WRITE TO ABOUT THIS INJUSTICE?????
I may be just a trifle irritable.....
Jan 21, '02
I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe!!!! Hubby just poked his head in with the funniest expression on his face. I hollered at him since I'm the primary breadwinner currently, could he PULEEZE take over the monthly bleeding bit....he just made a disgusted face and shut the door. lololol Yoy must've struck my funny nerve....
Jan 21, '02
I think it's funny, too. But then I like being lost. I think it mirrors the human condition: Wow - I don't even know where I AM!
Your hubby didn't agree to the switch most likely because you are not premenstrual at this moment and therefore not hostile enough for him to fear for his own safety.
Wait for the right moment and he'll agree. He won't want to, but he will agree with anything you say.
If he was fearful enough to consider it, he probably made a face because he couldn't figure out the logistics of the takeover. I admit that it's difficult. I guess it depends on whether or not you want kids. If not, I'd suggest hermorrhoids. Nonproductive, non-life-threatening, annoying bleeding. See if HE likes those stupid pantyliners!!
If you DO want kids.... I've given this some thought. I think that you'll just have to keep that part of the job yourself. You KNOW if you give a job like that to a man (no matter how fond of him you may be) that he's gonna screw it up!
So go ahead and have your own kids and THEN transfer the whole bleeding process over to the other half.
I hope it works better for you than for me.
Jan 23, '02
I'm afraid it's just a distant memory for me...
TAH in '96 and my single remaining ovary started giving up the ghost last year...I complained to my GYN I was cranky and having hot flashes, she put me on low dose estrogen and it's been heaven ever since.
Jan 25, '02
We always use Putting up with mens S**T!!!
And as the od joke goes.....what do you call a woman with PMS and ESP? A ***** who knows everything,lol!!!! Loved this thread....