Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Mar 9, 2005

Camp nurse, tired as heck...came into a room where I thought my supervisor was (outdoor school, so he was a school supervisor...not medical). I came in to the room (which was the house of health so my place) in my funny camo jammies I got for fun and said "walrus!!!! We are out of 'sand hanitizers' dude!"

Little did I notice that I said sand hanitizer not hand sanitizer..but there was a meeting of ALL the big wigs from outdoor school going on (I was taking a well earned nap and a bomb blast wouldn't be able to wake me up...LOL!)...and everyone just stared at me for about a second or two and then bursted out in laughter!

Not only is it now written as 'sand hanitizers' in our documentations now in my honor..LOL, but everyone that I know calls it that now..and has to actually think before they say it so they actually call it hand sanitizer..LOL!!!!!! (I have had paramedics and nurses complain to me that they can't help but call it sand hanitizer now!! LOL!!!!!!!!!).

Actually I found it hillarious and basically woudn't necessarily wished I hadn't said it...I will go down in history of that camp as the "Triage the "sand hanitizer" nursie" LOL!!!!!!! What an honor (could have been worse! LOL!).

LydiaNN · Mar 9, 2005

Well, my son once informed his teacher that I said the then superintendent of our school district doesn't know his a** from his elbow (true enough statement, but probably would have been better to be sure he was out of earshot before I shared it with my husband).

Then there was my friend, who went to buy her son and his girlfriend a camera for a Christmas gift. She asked the guy at the camera store if they carried Kotex products. Of course she meant Kodak. I wish I had been there, she said this poor young man's expression was just priceless...

And then just yesterday at work, I called a colleague in one of my agency's other offices. The voice mail came on, and I started complaining to my office mate that I thought their message is extremely annoying. Well, turns out I was being recorded. Luckily, the person who picked up that message, who came to the agency long after that message was put on the voice mail, was kind enough to erase it (or so she says, I guess I"ll find out, lol)

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 9, 2005

Last night I took report from a nurse in the ED at another facility about a patient who was on her way to my floor. The nurse said the patient had a "history of multiple suicides". I bit my tongue.

Hmmmm, I wonder how she managed that. Must have 9 lives.

I was told I'm the woman with 9 lives once by a Nurse Practitioner, but for a real reason. I have had numerous life-threatening events.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 9, 2005

Camp nurse, tired as heck...came into a room where I thought my supervisor was (outdoor school, so he was a school supervisor...not medical). I came in to the room (which was the house of health so my place) in my funny camo jammies I got for fun and said "walrus!!!! We are out of 'sand hanitizers' dude!"
Little did I notice that I said sand hanitizer not hand sanitizer..but there was a meeting of ALL the big wigs from outdoor school going on (I was taking a well earned nap and a bomb blast wouldn't be able to wake me up...LOL!)...and everyone just stared at me for about a second or two and then bursted out in laughter!
Not only is it now written as 'sand hanitizers' in our documentations now in my honor..LOL, but everyone that I know calls it that now..and has to actually think before they say it so they actually call it hand sanitizer..LOL!!!!!! (I have had paramedics and nurses complain to me that they can't help but call it sand hanitizer now!! LOL!!!!!!!!!).
Actually I found it hillarious and basically woudn't necessarily wished I hadn't said it...I will go down in history of that camp as the "Triage the "sand hanitizer" nursie" LOL!!!!!!! What an honor (could have been worse! LOL!).

Personally, I think sand hanitizer should be your user name.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

hello_nurse_mel · Mar 11, 2005

I was working in the ER and this man was brought in --post coital cardiac arrest. He was probably about 80 yrs old. Well, unfortunately we were unable to resucitate him. About 2 hours after he was pronounced, the local HOMICIDE team came in and demanded a sperm sample. I couldn't resist the chance to be a wisea** and said, "Good luck. He's been dead for 2 hours. If you can get one then you are in the wrong profession."

:rotfl: maybe this team has had LOTS of practice!!!

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Mar 14, 2005

Personally, I think sand hanitizer should be your user name.:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

OH man that is funny!!!!!! Sand hanitizer here..how may I help you today? LOL!!!!!! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

greenspreengs · Mar 15, 2005

The Middle Wife,
By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids
myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own
second-grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an "umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man." "They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push' and 'breathe, breathe'. They started counting, but never even got past ten."
"Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center! , so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I
bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.

OH MY MY :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :yelclap: :yeah:

msonurse · Mar 17, 2005

I was getting report from a nurse I did not know and she told me my patient had had a bilateral lobectomy and I looked at her and said "Oh my gosh! Both ears?!!!!!!!!" She did not think it was funny.

LPNer · Mar 17, 2005

We always call the attending Doc to get home meds ordered post op.

I told the unit clerk, for this particluar male pt, that I did not need to talk to the Doc. (What the man was on at home would not be ordered for his post op time in the hospital.)

Well, she called anyway because she didn't want it to be "on her" if I didn't get home meds ordered. When the Doc called, by chance my own personal Doc, all I could stand there and say was... I asked her not to call for "this pt."

He only take Celebrex and Viagra at home.

He responds with, "what does he need Viagra for"?

And without thinking I blurted out, "If you really don't know I could explain it to ya..."

After I realized what I had said it was all I could do to hang the phone up.

Ahhh, he didn't let me though, he wanted me to tell him why I thought the man would need Viagra in the hospital!

Ohhhhh, I was so embarrassed, and sooooo aggrivated with that unit clerk!

And ya know what... she did the same thing to me several weeks later, same Doc. I refused to answer the phone and stated quite loudly that I had told her I didn't need to speak to him.

The following morning, 0600 he was on the unit, as usual, chart in hand, wanting to know why?.... LOL

greenivy · Mar 17, 2005

I had taken my children, a boy and a girl to McD's for a happy meal lunch and after finding a table and getting the lunches out, I realised the counterperson had given me two girl toys. So I went back to the counter to ask for a boytoy, please. :uhoh3:

Nurseferatu · Mar 17, 2005

We had a patient named Mr. Bulalac, which in filipino is "Flower".

One of my co-workers kept on referring to him as Mr. Bulbulac.

Guess what, in filipino, "bulbul" is pubic hair and "bulac" is cotton.

Well Hello Mr. Cotton-Pubic hair!

AKAKatydid · Mar 27, 2005

I work in an office in the back of a big warehouse. Out on the floor there are some low-life people there, so they really watch what kinds of "weapons" could be around. Because of this, all the tools in the building are strictly accounted for.

Anyway, so here I am at my desk in the office, and the ARM of my chair just falls off. There were 2 screws holding this arm on, and both of them gave out. So I call the maintenance supervisor to come by and fix the chair.

He comes to the office and starts picking on me, just teasing that a silly chair is not important... So I tell him: "Mike, C'mon and help me here. I'd screw it myself, but I lack the proper equipment!" ... It wasn't until he turned beet red that I realized what the heck I said! :chair:

It broke once more since then, and I decided I'd just put a whole bunch of packing tape on it!

~*~kendra~*~