Funny things you have said but wish you didn't

Nurses Humor

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A few years ago, I was on the phone with a person from the local lumber company. having in mind to ask if they had any tar paper. But instead, toilet paper slipped out.

That remark started the person on the other end's funnybone. In response to my question, he yelled to the help, "Do we have any toilet paper? The lady on the phone wants to know." Then he said, "Yes we do, but it's rather coorifice. What grade would you like?"

A few summers ago I took my neighbors 6 y/o little boy swimming at my aunts. My aunt and I were floating around the pool when he asked my aunt "How do you float like that?" My aunt responded because she was fat. Later that night I was at my neighbors house for dinner when this sweet little boy goes to his mother and says "You know mom, milk is good for your bones, meat is good for your muscles and fat helps you float." I thought I was going to die laughing and could barely explain to his mother where he got the fat helps you float part. :chuckle

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Not a Freudian slip, maybe slipping somethign else, lol :rotfl:

Possible Freudian slip???:rotfl:
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A few summers ago I took my neighbors 6 y/o little boy swimming at my aunts. My aunt and I were floating around the pool when he asked my aunt "How do you float like that?" My aunt responded because she was fat. Later that night I was at my neighbors house for dinner when this sweet little boy goes to his mother and says "You know mom, milk is good for your bones, meat is good for your muscles and fat helps you float." I thought I was going to die laughing and could barely explain to his mother where he got the fat helps you float part. :chuckle

My youngest when he was three years old looked up at his Aunt's largely pregnant belly and said "Aunt Sandra, how you get all that fat food in there?" LOL He hasn't lived that down for the past 18 years!

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In my nursing class we have a number of students from foreign countries. One day we were practicing putting in ear drops...the women I was working with were from Japan, Viet Nam and China...they were talking about the part of the ear you needed to pull back before instilling the drops...

I cracked up laughing and had to tell them it is "pinna", it is not a plural, it does NOT end in an 's'.

NurseFirst

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Specializes in Medical Oncology, Med-Surg, L & D.

i used to work as an admin. assistant. i was looking for a client's file whose last name was bobcock. i couldn't find it, so i asked my co-worker who did the file. when we finally found it, she mistakenly typed his name as badcock :chuckle we were lol for it sounds so bad.

when i was working at the same facility, i was trained to call our clients by their first name instead of last name. one busy day, there were lots of new clients came over. i called one of our client's name, nobody came up to the front. after a while, a man came up to the front, and i asked him... "are you dick?" (the name of the person i was calling a while ago). and the guy said "pardon me?" (i could see from his face that he was so surprised i called him d?ck, he was the wrong person). i was so embarrassed. from then on, i call dick by his last name.

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When I get in my silly mood, and the telephone rings, I sometimes answer,

"fearlessfanny's house of pleasure. How may I help you?" I usually either a click or it goes silent on the other end.:D

Well, Fran I worked at a waterpark where I live a few sumemrs ago, and one woman called, and I answerewd the phone sounding gay. When she got there I overheard her telling her friend "I hope that fag';s not hear". I couldn't stop laughing

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i'm sure he (my instructor) doesn't regret this, but once i had to give a im shot to a pt who was somewhat confused.

we walk in and the pt tells us that someone came in this morning and gave him a shot for his brain. well, i'm biting my lip and shaking from trying not to laugh and my instructor calmly and with a straight face goes, well, did it work? and the pt just looks in deep in thought and goes, well, not yet.

i about pissed my pants. :rotfl:

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To this day I can't say Outback Steakhouse properly on the first try. It always comes out 'Outhouse Steakback'. My friends have taken to asking me to "Meet them in the Outhouse for a quickie...dinner that is." :smackingf

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I went to the youth group meeting at church, Sam, my 16 year old cousin was reading away about sin and came to a part that should have been read sexual immorality but it came out something like, keep us free from sexual immortality. It took several minutes to regain control of everyone.

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Under no circumstance in a clinical setting say.....

"....But the good news is I saved a lot on my car insurance at Geico"

bad bad bad...very bad....never again. groan

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Specializes in ER!.

Of all my faux pas', my very, very, very worst was this:

I was earnestly trying to start an IV on a pt who was horrendously difficult to stick. She was in her teens, and she and her mother anxiously observed my every move. I finally located a vein right on the top of her wrist that I thought might work. In my intense desire to not screw up this tiny, precious vein, I asked her to please cock her wrist down a little. (Does anyone see where this is going?)

Immediately she hyperflexed her wrist, flattening the vein out, and I, in all my wisdom, said, "Now I didn't want a hard cock..."

Silence........ :imbar

Oh, wait, I forgot one that may have been even worse. I remember when I was 14 or so, my parents, my best friend, and my dear sweet grandparents, now both deceased, were at a restaurant. My GPs had never been there before and as they looked over the menu carefully, I MEANT to volunteer the (at the time) ever-popular wisecrack, "They're meditating." Instead, I announced to a stunned table, as we waited for them to order, "They're masturbating." :uhoh21: :imbar I have regretted this deeply for nearly 2 decades, and still cringe when I recall it. My only consolation is that they led such sheltered lives that they likely never realized what I'd said.

To this day I have to stop and think carefully before I utter the word "meditate". :imbar :imbar :imbar

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I managed to humiliate myself twice in one sitting---literally!---yesterday at work. I was admitting a patient who had several family members occupying all the chairs in the room, so I had to go get a stool to sit on while I started his IV.

Trouble was, rolling stools have been my nemesis all my life, and this one was no exception. You know that sinking feeling when you KNOW you're going to end up on the floor? Yep........that sucker rolled right out from under me and deposited me flat on my bum, which prompted me to yell "SH#%!!".......right in front of the patient and his family!! :imbar :imbar :imbar

Thank God they all had a sense of humor......I wasn't hurt, but I was mightily embarrassed, and the fact that the pt. let me start his IV after all that proved---to me at least---that people will forgive unprofessional behavior, as long as they get a laugh out of it. They teased me about that for the rest of the day!!

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