Funny things patients say ! - page 22

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   TaniaR
    I work on an orthopedic floor we received an elderly gentleman in his 80's with dementia who had fallen and broken his hip and had surgery. He was transfered down to our floor from the general surgery floor he wasn't my patient but I had his room mate. I went in to check his room mate when I see him up and trying to walk unsteadily with no aids I called another nurse to help me get him back to bed. I ask him if he knows where he is and why he's here and he says " I had surgery on my penis so I wouldn't impregnate my wife" I couldn't stop laughing.
  2. by   SlumberingCub
    I recently had a patient going for a kyphoplasty, and she was convinced the doctors were going to inject seamen into her spine. She completely misunderstood when the doctor said "cement" and heard semen instead.
  3. by   llwp
    We had a confused 90 year old woman who gave us pause. We were about to do an EKG and she eagerly asked, "are you going to tie my up?" We had to speculate on her past.
  4. by   Nurse Rebecca
    I'm in a patients room with a cardiologist and he's being um, his usual self then he walks out. The patient asks me, "do you know any good cardiologists?" I said, "Um, no."
  5. by   MMascas
    Funny but embarrassing...

    I was on a surgical ward assisting a doc changing a dressing on a 52 yo lady who had revision of breast implants. She was quite sore and the doctor wasn't being very gentle pulling the dressing out so I tried to distract the patient during the procedure and asked her where she lives, as a random topic. She was from colchester. She asked me if I've been there and I said I haven't but definitely want to go to colchester zoo as I have been watching the tv show they do on that zoo.

    While we were chatting up about it - my distraction technique actually worked - out of the blue the doctor looks at me straight from the other side of the bed and says

    "ohh, colchester zoo... I've been there, its great! I can take you there this weekend if you want" and winks

    wow! I didn't see that one coming!

    It felt really awkward and my face went red as a tomato. But is not what nursing is all about? or better, is it not a survival skill in nursing to be able to graciously deal with this awkward situations the best we can and then carry on as nothing happened?

    The only thing I managed to say was "I am not sure if my husband will be too happy about it... " LOL if you would see the doctor's face, he gave a nervous laugh and immediately carried on with the procedure...

    The patient went quiet after that but I could see a slight grin on her lips!! I wasn't too sure what she was thinking and what I could possibly say to make things better!

    Then I went back to discharge her and in the end gave her the patient's feedback questionnaire and asked her to fill it in with her comments on the care she received during her stay. She said to me "everything was excellent, apart from the doctor who was more interested getting a date with the nurse than anything else!" At first, she was just serious but after a minute or so we both started laughing at what happened... I HAD to apologize but couldn't resist saying that it wasn't my fault! She told me I couldn't have said anything better and I confessed to her that I wasn't even married at the time!! we laughed hard! and she never mentioned the event on the feedback questionnaire, thankfully!

    Sometimes doctors are something else!!
  6. by   ICURN, Mom
    A prescription read "Insert one suppository per vagina" How many do they think there is?
  7. by   maelstrom143
    Quote from judy ann
    The firemen brought the 15 year old girl into the ER writhing in pain and clutching her abdomen. The parents were right behind them. The ER doc evaluated her and told the parents that she would be taken to the unit right away. One of the firemen followed to make sure she was all right. When he returned, he told the parents not to worry, that the baby would be here soon. The father shouted "What do you mean? She wasn't pregnant when you brought her in here!" I guess firemen do work fast!
    OMG...priceless!
  8. by   Melmalaika
    Two days ago one of my residents offered me a hair brush and said, " brush your hair honey, you look more pretty with brushed hair." He made me laugh at my twist out. I had to change my hairdo.

    Today at work I was helping this resident get ready for bed when she warned me, "honey, I am about to take off my bra. Move back dear..you don't want them to fall on your feet now." I died laughing.
  9. by   Girlafraid13
    During my clinical rotation at a snf a cna asked a patient "how's your leg doing?" He simply replied "it's still missing" the man was an amputee.
  10. by   Leonca
    A client with a little boy came in to get their dog vaccinated. The vet's 100lb Labrador retriever wandered up to check out the newcomers. The boy's eyes grew wide and he said, "Wow, look at the huge Beagle!"
  11. by   chaparra9037
    Tonight I am taking care of a dementia patient of 97 years old actually sitting for him. He asked me if it was winter I just replied no its just too cold in your room. That poor man he sure is out there.
  12. by   T-Bird78
    Parent of an asthma pt (been dx for a couple of years, not a new dx), told nurse "albuterol ain't for asthma!" when doing med review.
  13. by   aeris99
    I had to chime in! LTC dementia crew as an LNA. I had my favorites.
    First one teeny 96 yr old lady. She's tiny like 90 lbs. but man could she hit! In her room with another LNA trying to lay her down for a nap. She's screaming, flopping and flailing every which way. All of a sudden she freezes, looks at the other LNA with the evil eye and screams out "your nothing but damn Mormon!" And bam! She's asleep!

    Second one, different wing. 102 yr old lady. Scuttles around in her chair. Always wears a wig, 90% of the time it's on backwards. Everytime she would see me she would take my hand, caress my cheek and tell
    me "you're such a good boy! I love you." And then kiss my hand. I'm definitely a girl with long hair.

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Funny things patients say !