Funny things patients say ! - page 11

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any... Read More

  1. 11
    When I was training to be an RN, I was cleaning up a suprapubic cath site on a quadrapalegic w/spastic muscle paralysis. He had some arm and leg movement, so apparently I was tickling him during the process. When I asked him to hold still, he told me, "OK, I'll pretend to be a quadrapalegic." Open mouth, insert Italian shoe store.

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  2. 12
    I work as a CNA in a Geriatric Psych ward, and one night, my male nurse and I were trying to help a rather difficult patient to the bedside commode. Our patient was known to be combative at times, so we were on our guards. As we sat her down, she looked up scathingly at me and said, "you're the devil, girl!" Then, she looked equally scathingly towards my nurse and stated, "You're the devil, too! But you do have nice hair."
    We laughed for hours!!!
    ShelbyaStar, Leonca, maelstrom143, and 9 others like this.
  3. 7
    I worked in flu shot clinics last fall. Among other things, we had to ask patients if they were pregnant or nursing. I usually skipped that with male patients, but sometimes I didn't. One man answered "Yes, but don't tell my wife."
  4. 11
    Heard about this one in report:

    A pleasantly confused old lady kept asking the nurse to turn out the kitchen light and a couple of other things, she kept thinking she was at home. The nurse re-orients her, "Mrs. X, you're in the hospital". Patient points to her daughter at the bedside and says, "if I don't believe her, what makes you think I'll believe you?"
  5. 13
    I came across a 3yr old in the peds clinic, he was getting immunized. He was very talkative and told me "I know the difference between boys and girls... Boys have a penis and girls have pajamas"
  6. 11
    JeneratorRN: Don't feel embarassed about what you said to the quad-pt......Myfirst nursing job was at MGH in Boston, on the fresh spinal-cord floor, with the doctor who was pionneering the HALO-frame. One thing I learned on that ward was that alot of the patients developed a really "wicked" ("GOOD"/sharp/profound )sense of humor, similar ro the original M*A*S*H* movie, ie: what might sound appalling to an outsider was massively funny to an insider. I was standing in a four-bed ward room; there were 3 paraplegics and one quadraplegic. Well, they were talking about sex and having a penis transplant above their level of injury, so they could feel things again. Everyone was hoo-ha-ing about wearing a cumberbund or an obi-sash, and during a pause in the conversation the quad piped-up and said rather plaintively " But I'll have to wear an ascot for the rest of my life!" After a brief moment of silence while everybody processed that image, we all broke out in howling laughter, screaming-hysterically until tears ran down our faces and our cheeks and stomachs protested by cramping. Of course the retelling doesn't hold the same humor of the moment, but still. And one other thing, a quad I took care of for years used to say he had to be a professional quad and teach caregivers how to take care of him, since all spinal-cord injuries cause different problems and physical responses in each patient. For Christmas I got him a t-shirt with the following written on it: I AM A PROFESSIONAL; PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME; He told me later it was one of the best presents he ever got, and he did wear it ALOT! Another kid (para) used to get a large charge out of wincing and saying "OUCH!" when I was doing anything to his feet, from footcare to just putting on his shoes. Everytime he'd do it, I'd jump and say "ooh!...SORRY! and he'd laugh at me and say "You are ssoooo easy. You do that EVERY TIME, and you KNOW I can't feel a thing!"
    Last edit by No Stars In My Eyes on Apr 25, '11
  7. 10
    Quote from No Stars In My Eyes
    JAnother kid (para) used to get a large charge out of wincing and saying "OUCH!" when I was doing anything to his feet, from footcare to just putting on his shoes. Everytime he'd do it, I'd jump and say "ooh!...SORRY! and he'd laugh at me and say "You are ssoooo easy. You do that EVERY TIME, and you KNOW I can't feel a thing!"
    I had a patient who used to do this too!

    He was a middle-aged man and a paraplegic, and I was literally on my second or third shift as a new grad. I remember I was turning him or doing something with his legs, I can't quite remember, but he screamed out in pain.

    Me: OH MY GOD, are you ok?
    Patient: Ahh, it hurts!
    Nurse (who I was shadowing that day) : *walks in* Oh, don't listen to him. He can't feel anything from the waist down, remember?
    Patient: Bah, you always ruin my fun!
    Me: I can't believe I fell for that....
    chaparra9037, maelstrom143, llwp, and 7 others like this.
  8. 1
    a patient of mine last night requested milk of magnesia. the look on his face was amusing although he is somewhat of a drama king. he looked at me and said, "don't they make this in a chocolate flavor? yuck!" ahh, nursing....
    maelstrom143 likes this.
  9. 0
    Call me crazy, but I swear in the back of my brain is a vague memory that they DID make choc. MILK'O'MAG....
  10. 15
    We had a patient on our unit who had dementia and was from a LTC facility. she was the cutest little old lady. She would constantly push her call light, when anyone would answer we would ask what she needed and she would reply "what do you mean?"..."You have your call light on. Do you need something?"...."Oh, no dear. I didnt mean to do that"
    Well when iasnwerd the light i started running through things she might need (Light was on maybe every 5 minutes). i asked "Do you need to use the bathroom?"..."Bathroom? what do you do with a bathroom?"...."Do you need to pee?"...."Oh no dear. I don't pee, i never have and i never will."...i walk out of the room and her call light instantly goes back on, i walk back in. she says "Maybe i do have to pee. I guess there is a first time for everything"

    made me chuckle cause this lady is in her 80's and clearly its not her first time peeing.


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