Just Finished Orientation - Miserable :(

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hi everyone,

so i graduated from a second degree program at one of the top schools and was fortunate enough to get a job at a top 10 hospital in trauma. on paper, this sounds great, but in reality, i am really, really struggling. i don't think it's just "new grad" anxiety - i literally come home everyday exhausted and in tears. the acuity is just so high, and the things that are expected of me just seem absolutely impossible for me at this point in my nursing career, or really, ever. i feel like a giant ball of anxiety for my entire shift, and that i'm literally drowning. trauma isn't my passion, but i figured general med surg would be a good first start. i struggle every day with whether or not i want to stick it out, but it's starting to affect everything in my life. i also have two children and live 30 min away from the hospital without traffic, but 99% of the time when there is traffic, it takes over an hour to drive. i'm still breastfeeding bc my youngest is 9 months old, and the unit has not been very supportive of this at all. i only pump once in my entire 13-14 hour shift, and i have to really fight to do just that. i don't know if it's the combination of my family life being stressful and my job being stressful, but i'm honestly just SO unhappy and am thinking about resigning. i just don't think hospital nursing is for me, and that perhaps i'm more suited to public health (my first passion). when i'm at work, im tired - when i'm at home, i have young kids, and i'm tired - i just can't win, it seems. i thought i would like shift work because the schedule would allow me more time at home, but in reality, after such long, exhausting shifts, i really just want to come home and sleep, and i can't do that. i don't get out most nights until 830/9PM because there's just no time before that to do everything i need to get done. i'm lucky if i can sit down for 5 minutes the entire day. it's also a teaching hospital, so there is just a lot going on. i just don't think it's my scene, but the nurse manager/CNM are SO awesome and so supportive. my preceptors have been great. i really can't complain about the job in that respect, so i just feel terrible because i don't want to disappoint anyone. i guess i'm just looking for some advice and to see if anyone has been there. thank you :)

Your employer is required by law to allow you time to pump and a place to do so. Don't allow them to take advantage of you. Breast feeding isn't just a wonderful benefit to your child, but also for you!

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i have thought about asking this, but im afraid they're just going to let me go altogether. i am definitely not interested in inpatient hospice. we are a very well-rounded teaching hospital, so i know there are units that are a better fit for me out there (or so i think?), but im afraid to bring it up for fear of them just saying, we don't do that sort of thing, so it's either here or nowhere.

I agree that you should ask at least. They will not fire you for asking. I have seen plenty of nurses transfer from the higher to the lower acuity areas. I was one of them. :-) It does not mean you are a failure or they will see you as a failure. It means you are being a good nurse to know your limits right now. You can always get settled in the new area and then transfer back up in a year or two. But I also think that making sure you get time to pump will help, and so will the counseling. You would be amazed to know how many nurses get counseling for both work and non-work related issues.

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I think you know what to do. I hear you saying your present job isn't for you, you just want to be happy and your first love is public health nursing (mine too!). Go for the interview and follow what you gut tells you will make you the happiest and not what others expect. Good luck and keep us posted.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Seems like OP has already made up her mind - but is seeking validation to justify the decision.

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I highly suggest you read this post from Ruby Vee:

https://allnurses.com/nursing-first-job/new-grad-hate-938894.html

She knows what she's talking about and I thought her advice was spot on.

Good luck!

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Specializes in neuro-surg, psych, CM/URP, CM/URP Mgr..

My first job out of nursing school was also a very large Boston academic medical center (top 10). I understand what you are going through. It's been 19 years now and it does get better. Our hospital was unionized. Maybe talk with your union rep about your overtime, patient acuity and desire to switch units and if that is within the realm of your ability. Being the low man on the totem pole may put you in the bottom of the running for a job, but, it's not unreachable. Good luck, pink! Public Health sounds fabulous though!!! ;-) Do what makes you happy!

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thank you, everyone. last night was my first night off orientation, and it was a disaster for all the nurses there, simply because the acuity is high - but i was not allowed a chance to pump at all in my entire 14 hour time frame that i was there. the nurses i worked with were all young and childless and simply didn't realize that it was necessary or take the time to try to help me so i could get away to do it. i was very overwhelmed with the very heavy assignment i had - definitely not appropriate for fresh off of orientation. i definitely am going to take the public health job if it is offered to me, but in the meantime, i think i will discuss with them about transferring to a lower acuity unit because it honestly can't hurt at this point.

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that is a great post. and it's one of the reasons i would absolutely give hospital nursing a true shot. but this unit is just too high acuity for me. i think i need to recognize my limitations and be safe.

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pink_zebra, what did you end up doing?

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