Marriage Is over - page 5

Hi guys I need some advice. When do you know your marriage is over? Ive been with my husband for 6 years and I just feel that there is nothing left. I feel that we have grown in different... Read More

  1. by   Husband
    MellowOne,

    We got off the track as Lacie doesn't want sex and her husband doesn't see that as a problem. I think that both Lacie and her husband have a problem as a married couple SHOULD want to have sex with each other. You, however, gave the indication (more by your tone) that you believe a women MUST have sex with her husband because of the Bible.

    You were careful this time to use terms like "his/her" but then said "That's the same for husbands, by the way" and you seemed to be providing a few "excuses" for wives to not have sex rather than just say that they don't have to if they don't want to.

    Lighten up and don't take karenG's comments about you being murdered seriously. She probably would have just castrated you in the middle of the night.

    Sorry your wife has OCD but saying that "many would have left her" is a bit harsh.
  2. by   MellowOne
    Quote from Husband
    MellowOne,

    We got off the track as Lacie doesn't want sex and her husband doesn't see that as a problem. I think that both Lacie and her husband have a problem as a married couple SHOULD want to have sex with each other. You, however, gave the indication (more by your tone) that you believe a women MUST have sex with her husband because of the Bible.

    You were careful this time to use terms like "his/her" but then said "That's the same for husbands, by the way" and you seemed to be providing a few "excuses" for wives to not have sex rather than just say that they don't have to if they don't want to.

    Sorry your wife has OCD but saying that "many would have left her" is a bit harsh.
    I'm not a fundamentalist, and I don't take every word of the Bible literally. It is, however, a great source of wisdom. The verses that I quoted basically said; 'If you don't take care of your spouse, he/she is going to start looking elsewhere. Do your business.' Does this not make sense?

    If a woman loves her husband, why would she not want to have sex with him? Is marriage not about give and take, selfless love, mutual sacrifice? Or is it now, in the Oprah generation, only about how the woman feels?

    Also, every time I stated that a wife should have sex with her husband, I qualified it with the requirements of the husband. As I said previously, the pendulum has swung so far that any demands of the husband on the wife are seen as sexist, and any demands of the wife on the husband are seen as okay. This is not good.

    It's a piss poor era that we live in that someone who believes that married people should have sex is seen as sexist, insulted, and threatened. Then again, male-bashing isn't sexist, now is it?

    As far as my wife's OCD, it's not harsh to say that many would have left her. It is reality. We went to a marriage counselor once. He was a very nice older gentleman. When I described our home life and sex life to him, he put his hand to his mouth and said, "Oh my goodness. Is that true?" It was true, and my wife refused to go to counseling again. She wouldn't be told that she's wrong about anything.

    Of course, being the man, I should stay with her without question, accept the nagging with a humble, "yes dear," not expect sex, or even affection, and just work my *** off to support the family. Well ladies, if that's your view of marriage, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high.

    Be well...

    The Mellow One
    www.nursesforbush.org
  3. by   Husband
    MellowOne,

    Maybe being the sole wage earner makes you think differently than me. My wife is a full time nurse, earns more money and works a lot harder than me so I can't whine about her getting a better deal or think of myself as a martyr.

    I agree with you about male bashing not being seen as sexist when it should but I just think it's funny and harmless. I especially like the TV ads where all the husbands and sons are dumb. During a lunchtime conversation, a guy at my work said he liked big cars. A woman said, "All men with big cars have a small penis" and wiggled her little finger at him so he replied, "Does your Mazda 323 indicate that you have a large vagina?" The women laughed at her remark but not his? Then there are remarks like "Nice buns" that are accepted from women when "Nice tits" from a man could result in a claim of sexual harassment. Also, women in business (my work) talk and joke about their sex life (or lack of) all the time but the men do not, even with just men present.
    Last edit by Husband on Apr 19, '04
  4. by   MellowOne
    Quote from Husband
    .

    I agree with you about male bashing not being seen as sexist when it should but I just think it's funny and harmless. I especially like the TV ads where all the husbands and sons are dumb. During a lunchtime conversation, a guy at my work said he liked big cars. A woman said, "All men with big cars have a small penis" and wiggled her little finger at him so he replied, "Does your Mazda 323 indicate that you have a large vagina?"
    I don't mind good natured sexist humor. The problem is that it's bled into the culture that says that when there are marital problems, the woman is right and the man is wrong. Her priorities are priority, his are not. Her emotional needs are important, his sexual needs are not.

    That is the problem.

    Be well...

    The Mellow One
    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 27, '04 : Reason: removed link
  5. by   MellowOne
    Shoot, if you're a <gasp> typical male, then I'm probably a chauvinist pig who wants to establish a patriarchy in which women don't vote, work outside the kitchen, or own property.

    Still...I'm there. Might be fun...

    Be well...

    The Mellow One
    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 27, '04 : Reason: removed link

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