What do you say if you don't pray?

Nurses Spirituality

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Hi nurses,

I'm going into nursing this fall, and while I think I'll be able to competently manage most aspects of holistic patient care, spirituality is one that throws me for a loop. It's actually not so much spirituality that makes me uncomfortable as it is religion. A friend of mine recently lost her mother, and I noticed that the vast majority of folks expressed their concern with phrases like, "I'm praying for you". I struggled to express the depth of my caring with simple phrases like, "you're in my thoughts." I don't pray. I was raised in an extremely conservative Orthodox Christian home, but I currently identify as more of an agnostic (perhaps Buddhist-leaning) individual. It's my perception that many people expect (in the sense that they believe it is common for) nurses to have some sort of monotheistic beliefs, or to engage in prayer. How do those of you who don't have such beliefs deal with questions and requests regarding prayer?

It has occurred to me that I *could* simply say a prayer - without really subscribing to the idea - just to demonstrate caring...but it feels disingenuous to me. Hoping to start getting comfortable with this topic since I anticipate that it may come up again.

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Well, you can simply say I will call the chaplain for you.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Busybee, I don't believe that the concept of holistic patient care includes a nurse's religious/spiritual beliefs as one of it's components. This is not to say that you will never be confronted with dilemmas of that kind in your nursing practice. Nurses of many years of experience sometimes post threads where a specific situation has thrown them for a loop.

Different people come up with different approaches to this issue, but in no case is there an expectation that a nurse share her beliefs and in fact doing so can violate a canon of nursing ethics, the professional boundary. This boundary exists primarily to protect the patient, but it certainly is reciprocal.

It might not seem obvious at first, but there are lots of nurses who have beliefs other than the predominant formal religions of our country. Using generic phrases such as "warm thoughts" is fine and done all the time in both professional and personal situations.

Those who know us know our hearts and can connect with us that way when they are going through a painful experience. The right word is really secondary to that.

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I'm agnostic leaning heavily towards atheism, so it was awkward for me too at first. If they want to pray with me i bow my head and try to send positive thoughts their way while they pray. You're doing it your way and they are doing it their way but they will never know the difference. It's less awkward after you do it a few times.

Random tip: having a tough day or know it's going to be a long day? Check out the prayer and meditation rooms or the chapel in your hospital. You don't have to be religious to appreciate the quiet peaceful atmosphere and send positive vibes to your struggling patients or yourself.

Can you tell I'm a bit of a hippie? :p

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Can you tell I'm a bit of a hippie? :p

Love this !

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Specializes in Emergency Department.

I don't believe in prayer at all, however I accept that some of my friends and patients do.

May I give you this report from the UK to consider?

Nurse suspended for offering to pray for patient's recovery - Telegraph

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It seems like she didn't see the writing on the wall and heed the warnings, but that is very sad that she is in such trouble, over a seemingly small and well intended action.

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Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.

I have a feeling there was more to this story than just a simple offer of a prayer. I find her pretty presumptuous to say she's so concerned over the patient's spiritual welfare; perhaps the patient is perfectly fine with her own beliefs.

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Specializes in Peds, Med-Surg, Disaster Nsg, Parish Nsg.

That incident happened several years ago. For more comments about that article and about praying with patients, read The Nurse's Role in Providing Spiritual Care - Is it OK to Pray?.

Another article about what to do when a patient requests prayer is I Am Afraid Please. Pray for Me

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Specializes in Emergency Department.
That incident happened several years ago. For more comments about that article and about praying with patients, read The Nurse's Role in Providing Spiritual Care - Is it OK to Pray?.

Another article about what to do when a patient requests prayer is I Am Afraid Please. Pray for Me

True, it was in 2009, there is a more recent incident concerning a doctor in 2012,

Doctor claims he was dismissed for emailing prayer to colleagues - Telegraph

There is an update from 2013,

Doctor Allegedly Fired for Sending Prayer Email to Colleagues Loses Second Appeal

Regarding the articles you have suggested, I agree, if the patient asks for prayer then they should have it. I personally however would get the chaplaincy service involved or contact the patients own priest or minister. I would not, and could not pray for a patient. The Humanist Society of Scotland also does a chaplaincy service so a patients spiritual needs can be met without mention of god.

On a personal note, I have been a patient in hospital several times over the years with fairly serious problems. Every time I am in hospital the minister from my mothers church comes to visit me - despite being aware of my lack of faith. I am always glad to see this man as he is an extremely nice person. On one occasion I somehow managed to have a visit from 3 different clergy in my room despite have 'none' down as my religious preference - it helped pass the time.

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

In my experience, this honestly doesn't come up that often. I've been asked a few times myself, but only after it came up that I was a Christian (I've been asked about that after saying "I love this song" re: a hymn playing in their room, for example; if they ask me, I say yes). I've never gotten the impression from anyone that I was expected to be a spiritual presence b/c I'm a nurse. Actually I know FAR more agnostics and universalists than monotheists in nursing.

That said, if you are asked and you're not comfortable, it's fine to get the chaplain. You don't need to be confrontational, but just say that you're not able to but will be happy to have the chaplain come. I am a conservative Christian myself (Reformed Baptist) and that's what I would do if I was asked to participate in a prayer to another religion's deity.

But no, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. :)

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As an RN, it is part of our admission History intake to acknowledge anyone's existing religious and spiritual beliefs. It is optional to disclose, but it is a required question in the admission intake of all patients. I do believe that the Joint Commission can provide more guidance in the direction. Also, I do not hold any institution accountable for lacking a MAGNET title, but MAGNET does provide a force or pillar that upholds patients' needs in the religious sector.

You are correct for everyone generalizing the remarks and responses, but it is truthfully not intentional to make anyone feel uncomfortable. The person is simply acknowledging their own belief in wishing the patient or family comfort and guidance. It is not disregard, insult or make anyone feel uncomfortable.

You can probably state your feeling by stating: " Thank you for thoughts and words. I prefer to use internal strength to accept....

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