Religion

[x4livin]

I work float pool at a larger hospital, and 2 days a week I have been in acute care rehab(mostly ortho). I have a patient who began to ask multiple questions about myself and evey other nurse here as soon as she got here. eg where are you from? what is your last name? do you know 'so n so'? where do you go to church. Well, apparently, I am the only person who gave her an answer to that that she seems to find displeasing. I don't go to church. She wanted me to drive 40 minutes to her church. I told her that is a bit far. She persisted in trying to convince me that I needed Jesus. I asked her to stop. Finally I got angry and snapped at her "I am not discussing religion with you". She got quiet and soon after appologised for "making me feel uncomfortable"(for 3 weeks now, consistantly) Today is my last day with her here. She has written out cards to all the nurses. Hand written thank you cards. The one she sent out to me states that basically for my own good, she hopes I come to see that her religion(southern baptist) is the only way to avoid burning in hell out of ignorance. I realize she went to the trouble of writing out a card, but it just really ****** me off. I have been a nurse for 15 years(and a nurse aid for 10 before that), and I don't think anyone has made me angry over anything religious in all those years. This woman is just so pushy and persistant. I can't walk in her room that she doesn't begin to tell me that God sent her here to save me.(I'm not antichrist or athiest, by the way, I just really prefer not to discuss it) I'm not sure how I could have handled it any better from the beginning. She was just making conversation. Now, I have vowed to never discuss it with a pt again. I will cite that my employers state that it's not professional or something. Any ideas on how to avoid this topic and not set off suspicion that will lead to more questions?

Sorry about the spelling and grammer..end of a very long night shift.

[systoly]

"If you feel that for me to come to your church is important, why don't you pray over it"

a little more aggressive: "looking at the way you represent your church, what do you think would make me want to go there?"

"do you feel you're being fruitful?"

"southern Baptist?. You must be one salvation short of your quota."

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Do NOT get into religious discussions at work. I just say I don't discuss religion whilst at work, can I do anything else for you while I'm here? I don't answer personal questions and say so. I smile & just keep deflecting the conversation. They will get the hint after a while.

You have to understand that some (not all) religious people are absolutely fanatical & will grill u to 'save your soul', or whatever they believe. That is how they've been brought up & taught. But there's no law saying u have to respond.

IMO and experience only, religion is based on fear, shame & guilt. You shouldn't have to feel any of that or feel scared at work when someone brings the topic up.

And don't say 'sorry I don't discuss religion...' Never say sorry. Just keep saying I don't discuss religion at work. Leave it as one sentence & if they harp on just smile and walk out of the room.

Don't get into anything like that - I never do & I'm glad I'm not caught up in other people's squabbles. Because patients will expect you to take sides after a while & that is something you want to avoid.

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

I'm a Christian, not ashamed of Jesus, and still don't think that this is a conversation for a professional relationship. I respect that other people have their own beliefs, and if a polite comment that I don't discuss my spiritual views within a work setting doesn't work, I just said "God knows my heart- and that's enough for me". Christians can be their own worst enemies in how others perceive them. Cramming the Gospel down someone's throat is NOT in the Bible; there's a verse about being gentle when asked (I'm sorry, I don't have it right now- but it's in the NT). My actions can speak louder than any words.

Work and religion aren't good companions.

OP- at some point, you may ask a supervisor to intervene, supporting that religion isn't something that is encouraged between employers and patients; then do what you need to do in that room, and leave. Any comments she makes that insult you/push you are things she'll have to answer for one day....

[x4livin, ADN]

Thank you all for your ideas and thoughts and stories relating to this. I actually come from a Southern Baptist background, this is why I mentioned that. There was nothing that she was saying that I hadn't heard. I went from that to studying world religions. She pretty much felt like I needed to shrink my mind to fit. I did not speak back to her on this. After the initial line of questions that I answered one too many of for her, I refused. As I would be in doing her IVs(she still had PICC and IV abx-multiple) and she had frequent topical to lesions, she would speak and ask, and I would simply smile and keep working. She would keep asking "Do you know that if you died today that you would wake up in the loving arms of our lord and savior jesus christ?" Huh?....Do you?" It only served to wear very thin on me. This was after I told her I wouldn't discuss it with her. Then the card made me want to throttle her. This lady was coherent and simply doing what she thought would earn her more god points. She was at times smirky and self righteous. If I had told her what I do know about her religion, she would have questioned her faith and it's not my place to do that, but for her to insinuate that I was ignorant because I would not go to her church so that could be a good brainwashed christian..was a problem. I am not anti religion, i actually am not agnostic, i am not atheist, but to explain it is very complicated and better suited to a campfire and a bottle of good wine.

That was my last night with her, and if I run into her in walmart, I will still refuse to talk to her.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

I get asked this a lot. I live in a largely German Catholic town. They ask everytime what my last name is and what religion I am. Basically when they ask, i say none and it usually leaves it at that. If they press, it is basically, I am not comfortable talking about that right now. I refuse to get into religious debates with zealots that push their agenda.

[exnavygirl-RN]

Well stated BluegrassRN. I politely redirect the conversation to another topic. I've never had any issues.

Why did this woman get to you so much?

As an atheist, I've never had someone get to me. Maybe because, to me, it would be exactly the same as if someone tried to get me to go to the church of Thor, or accompany them to worship at the Temple of Athena; it's just as absurd an idea to me.

You cannot take any conversations with pts personally, including the religion one. If someone asks me about religion, I typically give very benign and vague answers and steer the conversation back towards them. People like to talk about themselves. When someone like the woman in the OP is asking me to go to their church, I always say something like "Tell me about your church; did you choose to go there, or did you grow up in that church?" This often leads to a long history of their involvement in the church, with little input required from me. If they ask if I will come, I smile and thank them for the invite. If they are persistent, I simply respond, "Perhaps. It sounds lovely, from your description. I can see why you are so happy there."

At least the woman cares enough about you that she wants to save your soul! Seriously, don't fret about it, and for crying out loud, don't take it so personally. Just let it go. If you're secure in your religious/spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), why should it bother you? Just steer the conversation away from yourself and be done with it.

[exnavygirl-RN]

I have a co-worker I have to redirect sometimes.

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

Often times when patient's are unsure or scared, even the most non-practicing will start to be hyper-religious. Because you have a history of Southern Baptist upbringing, you know that "spreading the word" is part of what the devout do. That being said, it has no place in the workplace between nurse and patient. I am the first to say "why bless your heart for thinking of me, and I respect your convictions, I am gonna go call up your minister to come and pray for you as soon as we answer a few more questions". Make it non-personal, redirect, and don't answer any question personally.

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

well, you are being asked to go to this person's church. why not find one closer to your home. i personally know where she is coming from. if you don't believe in god that's okay with you. if you don't want to accept him into your heart that's your choice. but i believe in god and accepted him into my heart!!! i'm am not afraid of the gospel of jesus christ

as someone that is not christian, i am never afraid of the gospel of jesus christ. it poses no danger whatsoever to my true religious beliefs.it so little a danger, that i have been in godspell, jesus christ superstar, and a nun in the sound of music, all of which has drawn me closer to my nonchristian religious beliefs.

if anyone were "afraid", they would have to leave the nation, where they get battered over and over with those beliefs on a daily basis, along with occasional slurs against theirs.

my question, in this season that is holy to many different groups, why christians get so irate at the inclusive phrase "happy holidays" which acknowledges all of the diverse groups that our creator has gifted our world and our nation with and that make it great.

if it is not a "merry christmas", many behave as though it were a slap across the face......as though christianity will be wiped off the face of the earth with one happy holidays instead of merry christmas.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

Please keep to the topic of the thread which is how to handle religious conversation that is initiated by the patient.

"Merry Christmas" vs "Happy Holidays" is a hot topic and one that can be discussed, but it is better to begin a new thread in the Ethic, Philosophy, and Religion forum in AN Central for this non-nursing topic.

Thank you.