to candesdukegirl---Wow! thanks. I totally get the lost thing. That's exactly it, where is "he" and all our lost loved ones. I did spend a week "looking for him", without realizing that's what I was doing! just really looking for the essence of him. I was literally on my hands and knees looking behind cabinets, tables, etc. at my parent's house. Unfortunately, when my mom asked what I was doing (this was just a few weeks after he died) I told her just that "I'm looking for Dad." thank goodness she understood.