Please help me understand

[missingmydad]

:confused:My father died recently (cancer). Something spiritual seemed to happen as cancer progressed (virtually his family members would pray for something, the answer would come from other family members that were unaware of original prayer, my 4 year old would see "angels"/floating objects that followed family members, etc). Anyway, this seemed relevant to my father's preparation for death (he was angry with God and had some unfinished issues--these incidences eventually seemed to pave the way to acceptance/forgiveness of some sort.)

I'm desperate to understand how important religion is at death, or specific religions even. It seems that nurses often view patients of all faiths having similar positive visions. I'd really like to know if nurses (based on experience) feel a certain faith is necessary for a positive, spiritual/supernatural (talking to dead people, seeing angels, etc.) death experience . Or does it seem that "God" makes himself visible to all at death? And what about evil experiences (those that are fearful or see "demons")? Are these mostly seen in people afraid of death or that have unfinished business? And why are there so many ghost stories in allnurses? Could these be souls that didn't make it to the light? Or could they be real demons?

I know these are loaded questions, but I'm asking as many nurses as I can. ANY thoughts are helpful! Trying to understand my dad's death seems to be a major part of my healing process. I'm going crazy with these thoughts. URGGGH! If I discuss it with church members, I virtually hear : the good things are from God, all bad things (what's considered bad by their theology is from the devil). So if a Christian had a positive death and saw relatives than they went to heaven, but if an "unsaved person" had the same experience it is because the devil is tricking us.) Thus, I want to go to the people that witness death first hand.

Thanks so much.

[sweetnurse63, BSN, RN]

Hi missingmydad; First of all i would like to say that i am sorry for your loss, i lost my dad too and i think of him at times, but he had cancer and i did not want him to suffer so, i was glad when God took him home because now i know that he is at peace. There are believers in God and non believers. I am so proud and thankful to say that I am a believer in God!!!. I know that he is with me in good times and in times of sadness. Just think of the human body which is sooooo magnificently made and all of the awesome body systems that work together to keep us going 24 hrs a day 365 days a year, no man could ever do this, There has to be one who is perfect in knowledge, wisdom and skill, certainly not man!!!!! I know there is a God!!!!!!!! and he cares for us through life and death:nurse:

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Oh honey-it sounds like your Dad has sent you a message that he is fine. The pink feather that you found WAS your message. He is trying desperately to see that you understand that he is SAFE.

I will share with you a very private experience. My mother died 14 years ago. When she died, I was pacing the floor because I was so incredibly worried that her soul was somehow "lost." I was in fear; I was a basketcase. I just wanted some sign that she was SAFE. I could not rest until I was assured that she was ok.

Because my mother was a scientist and believed in precision and tangibility, I racked my brain to come up with a sign that I could ask her to send me that was irrefutable. My mother was a dynamic person who could light up a room simply from her presence. She did things on a grand scale.

The number 3 was a significant number in my family. I came up with asking her to send me the sign of "three crosses". I was envisioning one cross being on top and two flanking the larger cross. I figured if she sent me that sign, I would know without a doubt that her message was real, and not left for any kind of interpretation from me which would leave room for doubt on my part.

Months passed. I did not receive a single sign. I feel into a horrible depression. On Mother's Day, my brothers and I went to the beach house that she owned. For her memorial, we threw her ashes into the ocean at her favorite spot on the beach. The guests all brought a flower to throw into the ocean. As we were leaving, I looked back and the beach was littered with hundreds of flowers. My brothers and I took some flowers and threw them into the ocean for Mother's Day. I sent up a silent request for Mom to send me the sign.

No sign all weekend. I was crushed, racked with tears. My hubby was driving back home, and trying to console me as we left the town she used to live in. I became irritated with my hubby because he came to a screeching halt in the middle of the road. He said, "Honey, look up." He was pointing to a church roof, where lo and behold, three crosses in the formation I asked for loomed before me. I cannot express in words what kind of unadulterated JOY I felt right then. It was like the shackles had been released from my heart.

I was still on a high, shaking my head and in silent awe of her message. I was still processing this thought when we passed another church with a sign out front. The frame of the sign had three crosses on it. Yep- one high and two flanking. I was just giddy at this point. I said outloud, "Alright Mom, I GET IT!" I started to laugh. I hadn't laughed in months.

Hubby decides that he needs to have a McFlurry. I thought that was weird because he is not a sweet-tooth and he hates McDonalds. We pulled off the highway into a rather rough neighborhood. There were people hanging out in the parking lot that did NOT look friendly. I was worrying about this when my hubby told me to look straight ahead. There across the street was a church that had three crosses on the panel of the church. Oh. My. God.

My mother waited until Mother's Day to send me her message. She did so in a way that I could not refute. She sent me the vision that I asked for in three ways on Mother's Day. To top it off, I was treated with the most amazing sunset that I can remember. Mom was safe. I had no doubt.

I share this very personal story with you because I know what you are going through. The feathers that you are finding are not a mistake. Every time you see a feather, it is your Dad saying that he is with you, and loves you. I see three crosses and I know that is my mom saying hello. I look up at the clock and see the time is 3:33. That is her reminding me that she is happy. I check into my hotel for my honeymoon, and the room is 333. That is Mom saying that she approves!

I hope that you can find comfort in the long months ahead of you. It is never easy to lose a parent. You don't ever get used to it, but you CAN talk about fond memories, and you can be assured that your Dad is smiling at you...and wants you to be happy.

[Chin up]

Some things are a mystery...I do have a belief system, that is solid as a rock. However, when it comes to my patients, I don't see them as saved, not saved, the devil tricking me, etc. My job is about them, not me. If spirituality is important to them, I respect that, whether I agree with it or not. If they are not spiritual, I respect that too. The mysteries, I leave alone...they are mysteries for a reason. I was taught in nursing school, to see the patient three fold, spiritual, emotional and physical. So when someone who is spiritual has a certain experience or request, I will listen, do what I can to support them, and never judge. As long as it is not hurting anyone, I do my best to make them comfortable. I never teach, preach or bring it up, only accommodate them, when they ask if at all possible. I am sorry, actually happy it worked out for your dad. But that experience was unique to him and I would not try and apply his experience to others. Be glad he died in peace and once you have grieved sufficiently, these questions too will pass, or at the least lessen. Regardless, your own understanding will be more clear. Peace!

[katejane]

One of the greatest messages that I've learned from the faith that I follow and from my own personal experience is that God is a loving father to ALL. Regardless of whether or not that person is "good" or even believes in Him.

He loves us all because we are His children and He wants more than anything else for us to be happy and to be able to learn more about Him and live with Him again.

This gets me through life every day... I never feel alone or misunderstood because there really is someone that understands.

As for the sweet little girl seeing angels- it could be possible. Angels exist both ones we cannot see and people on this earth who are just amazing people. They are God's instruments and most of the answers to our prayers.

If you have some time- check out this link...

http://mormon.org/plan-of-happiness/

I know it will help you to understand more.. Feel free to PM too if you ever want to talk!

Sincerely,

Katie

[nurse.sandi]

I am sorry for your loss. Your questions could be answered in so many ways, by so many people. I have held the hands of 1000's of passing people. I am not exaggerating. Each person had a different life with a different story. God, religion, or spirituality usually becomes involved, unless I was told the patient was an athiest. Since I am a born again Christian, I would pray silently. I know that even if I did not speak the words...the God I believe in would hear me. Your father was a special person and it is not unusual for us to be upset with God and have conflict within ourselves because we simply do not understand why he does what he does.

So, my recommendation as a nurse to other nurses is to be respectful of the client and thier family's beliefs.

You may never truly find the answer out.

I wish you the best.

Respectfully, Sandi

[nurse.sandi]

Doves...

[linearthinker, DNP, RN]

No, I don't think religion is necessary for a positive death. But then, i don't believe in god or value religion. Sorry for your loss.

[missingmydad]

I am a new nurse - coming up on my first year - but I can understand how you feel. I lost my dad when I was a child and I picked apart his passing, mostly for worry of what may have happened to him. He turned from the church as a young man, angry with God, and I stressed for years that perhaps he hadn't made his peace. His actual death didn't tell me much - he was vented post-stroke; after coming off, what was left of him just slipped away, like a candle going out. He was there and then empty, gone. Makes me cry to think about it, even now.

I can't answer your question, of course; none of us here on earth really can, and I think you know that. IMO, this becomes more a question of your own faith and what *you* believe. I believe that my dad was a good person, that God looked within his heart at all those hardships and bitterness and washed them away in forgiveness; he passed in peace and surrounded by family who filtered in from all over the country. Couldn't ask for more mercy than what was received, in retrospect.

All I can suggest is that you find someone who you can find some understanding and empathy with, no matter who that may turn out to be. Express your love and concern for your dad and your wishes / prayers that he be comfortable and happy in the next place, (wherever you may believe that to be.) Most of all - (personally) - I explored my own faith to try to develop a deeper trust with God, that I believe in salvation and trust that God saves us. I had to try to let my dad go, trusting that God was taking care of him.

Good luck and I hope you find peace.:hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss too. Your situation sounds so much like mine. It's helpful to know others understand this need to "pick apart his death" (exactly what I'm doing) especially spiritually. I am a Christian, and I know God is real and had a part in this. I do believe based on my father's seemingly acceptance of his impending death (before the cancer took over his brain) that he is in a good place.

However, it's so beyond me now, that God would condemn anyone just because they were confused about a specific religion. (I know you understand because you fretted so much about your father too). This process is turning the God I love into a God I love because I'm afraid not to.

thank you so much to everyone. Even though I do know I won't ever really find all the answers, here or anywhere, this is so very comforting.

[missingmydad]

to candesdukegirl---Wow! thanks. I totally get the lost thing. That's exactly it, where is "he" and all our lost loved ones. I did spend a week "looking for him", without realizing that's what I was doing! just really looking for the essence of him. I was literally on my hands and knees looking behind cabinets, tables, etc. at my parent's house. Unfortunately, when my mom asked what I was doing (this was just a few weeks after he died) I told her just that "I'm looking for Dad." thank goodness she understood.