Anyone had serious doubts...about nursing and about self? - page 2

Doubts that went to your core and haunted you relentlessly through nursing school about whether this was what you were really meant to do? So much so that you said, "Well, if I'm in THIS much doubt... Read More

  1. by   zephyr9
    All of your views are so welcomed, I so need to hear this, know this. It feels great to be able to get off the superficial level and be real. An old friend of mine went to college for years to be a teacher, then on her first day in a classroom, as a student teacher (teacher "clinicals," I guess), she froze up, said, "I can't do this." And didn't. She never worked as a teacher. She went into another field, was fairly successful/comfortable in it, now hates it 20 years later, and is looking to go into health care.
    I've heard stories about some women becoming nurses, and it's too much for them in some aspect, and they drop out of it within a year. My aunt was a nurse who got a doctorate in education, and rode out her career teaching nurses in grad school. She told me once that a big concern for nursing at that level was retention. Of nurses, in the field. Sounds improbable, but there it is...may have been before this nursing "shortage" did a 180.
    Britrn, 9 years is a long time. When you had your doubts, was it that there was another thing you knew you'd be good at? Were you torn? I can relate, it's crazy, I have a perfect gpa . What makes you want to get OUT of nursing?
    I don't know what my gut says half the time.
    But I know this. I'm in this.
    Last edit by zephyr9 on Sep 20, '12 : Reason: another thought
  2. by   zephyr9
    Wow! You are all amazing. I'm uplifted....I'm going to friend all of you!!!
    I can't read the new posts or I will commit an even more heinous time management fail. ttfn, ta ta for now
  3. by   hudabelle
    I love your batman saying. I have been known to say this as well. I am not yet an RN and one of my advisers made me feel that I NEED to be a leader through and through to even think about RN school. She scared me terribly. Common sensically (is that a word??) I know there can't be a (highly functional)hospital full of alpha nurses no matter what they try to teach us.
  4. by   LoveToHike
    I agree with what many of you have expressed! I have also had a lot of doubts about my choice of this profession for a variety of reasons. But when I'm working and it's just me and my patients, I really enjoy nursing. Do I feel I made the right decision to go into nursing? So far, no, and every day I wish I'd chosen another field. But, I also don't think I've found my niche. That being said, I also have enough good days that I know the right job would change my desire to continue in nursing. That, and some nicer coworkers...
    Last edit by LoveToHike on Sep 20, '12
  5. by   ellen 12
    I'm a deep introvert - and I have always felt I would/ could be a good nurse - I know this from patients responses.

    But colleagues and managers aren't supportive - and this makes me anxious.

    First weeks of nursing school another student stated "oh you can't be shy and be a nurse". I don't think she made it through to be an RN.
  6. by   LoveToHike
    I think introversion sometimes comes across as lack of confidence. I'm fairly introverted, especially until I get to my comfort level.
  7. by   SHGR
    You sound just like me 20 years ago. You are the nurse who will connect deeply with your patients, who will derive meaning from your work beyond the paycheck. The nurse who will look at yourself in a few years and reflect on all you've learned.

    Being an introvert does not mean you are a poor communicator, but that maybe you have to work harder at learning some of the finer points in how to deal with your extrovert co-workers.

    Hang in there. It does get better.
  8. by   Wrench Party
    Are we also twinsies? I'm also an introvert, and sometimes in nursing school I've been "why am I here again? Can I hack this?
    Can I really connect with my patients?" But every time I doubt myself, an introverted instructor or a patient magically pops up and
    re-affirms my belief that yes, we can't all be super-leaders/Batman. There are those of us whose tendencies to listen, observe, and
    reflect will be rewarded and appreciated, we just need the right environment to utilize those skills.
  9. by   whichone'spink
    Quote from zephyr9

    PS. It's not patient care that I feel funny with. It's Nursing Culture (perfect!! SuperNurse!! Achieve!! BetterBetter Best!) and feeling like I don't fit into it..I'm artistic and introverted and very deep. It all seems more like an extrovert's game. Is this just nursing school?
    I do like patient care.
    No, it's not just nursing school. This kind of BS continues in the hospital. Extroverts are dominant in the hospital too. I think you might like psych nursing, or counseling, or something along those lines. You sound like you connect with patients well, and maybe it would be best if you found a nursing job where you actually can connect with your patients. The hospital is just NOT the place.
  10. by   nursingburnout
    Quote from zephyr9
    Doubts that went to your core and haunted you relentlessly through nursing school about whether this was what you were really meant to do? So much so that you said, "Well, if I'm in THIS much doubt it can't be right!" But you just kept going b/c you didn't know what else to do, and you were invested in it, and you didn't want to let people down? Were there other things you KNEW you were better at, had more affinity for, but you desperately needed the job? Did it just all seem so complicated?

    Anyone have doubts like that in nursing school, but just kept going anyway? And now you have survived becoming a nurse and years later, still love it?

    PS. It's not patient care that I feel funny with. It's Nursing Culture (perfect!! SuperNurse!! Achieve!! BetterBetter Best!) and feeling like I don't fit into it..I'm artistic and introverted and very deep. It all seems more like an extrovert's game. Is this just nursing school?
    I do like patient care.

    Happy nurses: do any of you see yourself in me?

    It's not just about becoming trained so I can get a "job." My decision to do this was the product of some profound spiritual logic in the center of my soul that took many years to unfold. Yes, the status of the professional role appeals to me, but the BS of it repels me. And more importantly, underneath all that, I associate nursing with service and humility, bordering on religiousity... and the hyper-reality of--(...god?...). Which is what I think my deepest self is after.... It IS complicated for me. Strong egos are rewarded in thenursing school environment. Maybe the nursing school experience is forcing me to confront my ego? I feel so invisible, so my former job, which I was very good at, my ego was absolutely fed. Comfort zone all the way... Yeah, this IS therapy stuff, I know...but I want to hear from nurses.

    What do y'all say? Hold the snark, b/c it is really scary to ask this.

    It's okay to not fit in to nursing culture. It's not for everyone. Don't let the pressure for climbing up the corporate ladder get to you.
    Last edit by TheCommuter on Sep 21, '12 : Reason: TOS
  11. by   Soliloquy
    Yeah, I do/did. I haven't graduated yet, but I remember freshman and sophomore year (I'm a senior now), I dreaded the culture because it seemed very cliquish. I use to come home every day telling my mom that I felt like I was in grade 13 and 14. I wanted a certain level of independence that I felt I wasn't getting by being around my peers because they always stressed a kind of team work that didn' seemed excessive and bordering on group think. I'm all for working together and I'm good with team work, but I need to feel like I'm able to contribute using my own individual skills and talents, which often felt discouraged. What they wanted went above and beyond what I felt was appropriate for me and I felt really terrible. I felt like they were asking me to cut myself off from myself and I'm not willing to do that. It wasn't until I got into the hospital and saw all these other amazing nurses who had a voice of their own and who weren't all extraverted, cliqu-ish people that I felt better about my choice. It wasn't about "nursing". It was about the people who took on the role.

    The doubts I have now aren't about the other nurses that I'll be working with but with administration. I'm going to be a new nurse, I won't know everything off the top of my head or be able to rattle off all information from memory or experience. I've seen the "Best, Best, Best!" standard glorified at the hospital I work at and I know it'll pull me in a direction I don't want to go. Science and math have always been my hardest subjects, but I like this field and the opportunities I envision it provides and feel I can contribute something good to it. But I'm in nursing school now and I admit that I can't recall everything I've learned in the last 3-4 years. But I'm learning as I go and I know I'll get better. I just don't know if I'll be able to handle the business personalities I run into.
  12. by   zephyr9
    Well, I just had a procedure done in a magnet hospital, and perfect the nurses were not! I realized after I left that the nurse who took care of me did zero teaching before I was discharged--I didn't even know whether or not I had stitches from my tubal ligation. I had to look! And it was such a mess down there I couldn't tell what was going on, lol...point is, even the nurses in the hospitals considered the best aren't perfect. Neither are us students. The gift is when someone recognizes our strengths, and its really great when they let you know.
    A couple days ago, my lab instructor told me she's always glad to see me, it made me feel so good!
  13. by   Soliloquy
    It's very encouraging. I had a clinical instructor my junior year who was so hard on all of us in the beginning that I went home crying. During my clinical evaluation, she said that I was very hard-working, she loved that I took initiative, that she saw how self-motivated I was and if there's anything she could tell me it was to keep it up. She was the first person in 2 years to encourage that in me and that made me feel very good and after that clinical, I decided that who I was would be okay for this profession.

    Thanks zephyr for starting this thread, btw. I've thought about this question a lot.

Must Read Topics