You know I don't look, at first, like I have any kind of disability or limitations. I work very hard to maintain my posture and not limp or stoop. Now, I do have a disabled parking permit. Have done for years. Some woman in my class saw that I parked in disabled and has taken it upon herself to start making smart orificed remarks in front of me such as:
that isn't parking for mentally disabled
you shouldn't be parking there you don't look disabled
Not only that, she has drawn the attention of my entire class to this by suggesting to other people in the class that I am using someone else's disable permit (they have mentioned it to me).
So last night I am walking to my car with a friend from class (who happens to know about my condition and how it affects me). This woman tags along and when we stop at my car -- I just knew she was going to say something -- I wish I had lagged behind to avoid a confrontation. Then off she goes..."do you mind if I ask why you park there?". Finally the woman is direct! Now, frankly I do mind that she knows. So I just said, "I have a disability that qualifies me for a disabled parking permit". Then she makes the same remark, "It's not for mentally disabled ya' know". I confess I nearly lost the plot.
So I asked if she was suggesting that I was parking there illegally. She starts going on about some friend of hers that uses someone else's parking permit (or something like that) and how it "isn't right". I lit up like a Christmas tree. Essentially I told her that I was sick of her assassinating my character amongst our classmates by suggesting this and that the remarks about being"mentally disabled" weren't funny, but mean and upsetting. I also invited her to take my permit number, lift the phone and call the Dept. of Transportation to report me -- if she really felt that I was doing this illegally or the shut up about it...permanently.
Then I got in my car and burst into tears -- like a big baby. I hate letting people upset me like that!
This had been brewing for weeks since she first saw me parking at clinical and now I am embarrassed that I lost it -- I feel incredibly defensive. From the first time I met this woman I was wary of her (she has a remark for everything). She is not the sort of person I would do anything but keep at arms length. The problem is we are a small class and an even smaller clinical group. Even before she made the remarks about parking I seemed to be in her sights -- 1st day in skills lab she called me retarded because I couldn't find her brachial pulse (so we were off to a great start).
I have never been the thin skinned sort. In fact quite the opposite. I don't mind joking around with people or even sending myself up. What I do know is when someone is joking versus being unpleasant. Thus far I have worked really hard to ignore her jibes in class. What I find odd is she always makes these remarks in front of other people. When we have been one-on-one she never says anything unpleasant.
I have fairly severe arthritis affecting my spine, sacroiliac, shoulders and hips -- thankfully not peripheral joints. I've had it since I was 18 yo (some 20+ years). Apart from a great deal of chronic pain and perpetual fatigue you would never know I had anything wrong with me unless you observed me quite closely -- e.g. I've lost nearly all ROM in my neck.
Generally speaking I don't divulge this information classmates at NS or employers. I consider it private and no one's business. I keep myself as healthy as I can and have learned a multitude of strategies to manage pain so I rarely need to take a narcotic for pain (they kill the pain but I can't stand how they affect me otherwise).
I am not ashamed of the condition but I am VERY aware of how people judge well in advance of obtaining information and I am well aware that in our relatively small community, where I intend to work as a nurse, this sort of info can affect job prospects. I know it shouldn't but we all know it can and does.
Still I feel like an orifice. I have three more semesters of this woman. My heart sank when we were assigned the same clinical. Seriously I just want to be completely ignored by her. I am sure class today will be a complete treat.
