The most outrageous excuses from patients. - page 2

I know there are a lot of outrageous excuses from patients. Please share them! Click Like if you enjoyed it. Please share this with friends and post your comments below! Want more nursing cartoons? About A Nursing... Read More

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    My favorite excuse this month............."I borrowed that bag. That's not my crack pipe."

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  2. 1
    Quote from tewdles
    Lots of interesting things removed from human orifices in the ED...
    Yep. One of my former classmates was employed as an LPN in a small-town ER, and one of her patients presented with a beer bottle stuffed in his anorectal area that he was unable to remove.
    nurse671 likes this.
  3. 8
    I have seen lots of sexually transmitted cocaine, as well as lots of toilet-seat gonorrhea. Mmmmhmmm.
    Hygiene Queen, sharonp30, RURN2O11, and 5 others like this.
  4. 4
    Still one of my favorites is for all the teen age virgins who come up pregnant. I like the public swimming pool excuse the best but also good is the "I barrowed my friends undwear".
  5. 6
    "My girl friend MADE me do it" said the 6' 3" man with part of an aquarium hose sticking out of his......
  6. 4
    A patient who had just been told she was pregnant "So nurse just exactly how did this happen and how long have I been this way?" ummm.
    NURSEPATTY, RURN2O11, PMFB-RN, and 1 other like this.
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    How about, "I don't do cocaine! My girlfriend was snorting it off our coffee table, and I slipped and fell, and my face landed in a pile of it." Seriously.
    martinalpn, sharonp30, NURSEPATTY, and 4 others like this.
  8. 2
    Quote from Elvish
    I have seen lots of sexually transmitted cocaine, as well as lots of toilet-seat gonorrhea. Mmmmhmmm.
    Remember the Seinfeld episode with gonorrhea transmitted via tractor? Hahaha!

    I've told this one before, but my favorite excuse is a tie...

    A man was walking around his kitchen nude, as you do, and plum forgot about the empty Grey Poupon bottle sitting on the chair. One emergent colostomy later...I wonder if he learned his lesson.

    The other gentleman was sleeping well when awoken by a vibration in his belly. He immediately knew what had happened - his silly cousin had slipped a vibrator in there as a prank. So, naturally, he had to get that thing out of there...using, what else...a fork! He actually didn't need a colostomy, just an ex lap.

    I miss being an inner city surgical nurse. Really, and truly I do.
    Hygiene Queen and RURN2O11 like this.
  9. 0
    I love the one where she puts the blame on her friend, I got pregnant because "[COLOR=#000000]I borrowed my friends underwear". Teens say the stupidest thing to get out of trouble and they believe what they say justifies their actions, yet they still believe they know it all. [/COLOR]
  10. 0
    I'm trying to stop smoking pot so I don't lose my kid. ( in response to why he would smoke the synthetic garbage that has been made illegal in our state)

    "No day but today"

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